Skip to main content

It Sure Does


 Love Hurts
is Ke Huy Quan's first ever lead role. After decades out the game and struggling to keep his insurance prior to his Oscar winning turn in "Everything Everywhere, All At Once", you can hardly blame him for taking the chance to front a movie. Unfortunately, in Jonathan Eusabio's directorial debut, he has landed in a misfire.

Quan plays Marvin Gable, a cheery real estate agent living his best life as he crushes the sales game and keeps everyone in the office (except for his depressed assistant) happy with his home baking. Unbeknownst to his colleagues he used to be a gangland hitman for his mob boss brother "Knuckles" and when the mysterious Rose, who Marvin was supposed to have killed, remerges, big brother dispatches the goons to get some answers from him. Cue high jinks as Marvin battles henchmen kung fu style while trying to keep his current and past lives from colliding.

It's a fun idea but nothing quite comes together in the execution. The entertainment in a premise like this comes from the conflict of the main character having to beat up the bad guys without anyone knowing he is beating up the bad guys but that is only used once, when he throws down with hulking hitman come tortured poet Raven (Mustafa Shakir) near the beginning of the film. After that every action beat happens when either nobody else is around or everyone knows what is going on, undermining the entire point of the set up. The fights themselves are wacky and entertaining but not to the point they can carry the film, especially when they are so drawn out and, given the same people keep showing up, lacking in consequence. 

The central duo of Quan and Ariana DeBose doesn't work as a romantic pairing. DeBose plays Rose as a calculating but potentially volatile wildcard who wants the "real" Marvin back. Given Marvin loves his new life and never liked being a killer it's hard to get on board with the idea there would be any attraction between them. A complete lack of on screen chemistry and distracting age difference don't help. The rest of the cast of characters is a mixed bag, with Mustafa Shakir the stand out as smooth voiced, reluctant killer Raven. Daniel Wu as big bad Knuckles is a bit wet and Sean Austin is underused as Marvin's real estate agent mentor. Marshawn Lynch and Andre Eriksen play an entertaining odd couple hit man team but, like the rest of the movie, the dynamic has been done many times before and much better.

At 83 minutes, Love hurts is too brief to be a chore and its lead is too charming for it to be grating but it is eminently, and perhaps mercifully, forgettable.

5 real estate agent of the year awards out of 10. 



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

That Wasn't All Folks

Coyote vs. Acme was originally scheduled for release way back in 2023 (in the theatrical slot that eventually went to Barbie, no less) but a change of leadership at Warner Bros led to them deciding to scrap the film, figuring a tax break was preferable to releasing a complete movie that hundreds of people had worked on. A combination of public outcry and tenacity from independent distributor Ketchup Entertainment has led to the film finally getting its day in cinemas. Congratulations are in order as the live-action/animated combination comedy is one of the most entertaining family movies of the year. After faulty ACME products foil yet another of his attempts to capture Roadrunner, Wile E. Coyote sees an advert on TV by Will Forte's lazy lawyer Kevin in which he promises a payout for faulty ACME goods. In reality Kevin is a bottom feeder who has made a career out of settling lawsuits against the corporate giants for peanuts, but Wile E. forces him to engage in the trial of the cen...

Let's Do The Timewarp

The plot of The End of Oak Street sees an early 80s suburban family, and their entire neighbourhood suddenly transported back to prehistoric times. There's some talk of solar flares and time bubbles by way of an explanation but it's all nonsense in service of one central idea: dinosaurs in suburbia. Turns out this idea is so good it not only sustains the film but leaves you wondering why nobody has done it before. The central family consists of Anne Hathaway's frustrated novelist Denise Platt and her pizza delivering husband Greg (Ewan McGregor), along with their children Audrey (Daisy Stella) and Brian (Christian Convery). While Dad and the kids are exactly the type of characters you would have expected to see in an 80s family adventure but Denise is a more modern female lead. She wants to achieve more than simply being a mother and is unhappy with her simple suburban life. Add in the fact she plays the realist when things kick off and her constant negative vibe can mean ...

Logan Hood?

Everybody has their own version of Robin Hood, whether it's Errol Flynn, Kevin Costner or a dashing cartoon fox. There have also been attempts at taking the tale in a more grounded direction, most notably from Ridley Scott and Russel Crowe in 2010, but nobody has shot an arrow through the neck of the legend quite like Michael Sarnoski does with The Death of Robin Hood.  The film begins with an ageing Robin (Hugh Jackman) tormented by false stories of his own making and filling up his own personal graveyard with the bodies of would be assassins. When the last surviving member of his outlaw band, Little John (a typically chameleonic Bill Skarsgard) asks for his help in reclaiming a stolen farm, he senses the chance to finally receive his "good" death. Instead, he ends up gravely injured and in the care of Jodie Comer's healing Prioress.  Many films have done "realistic" medical violence but the opening act here is on a whole other level. Within minutes of the ...

Straight Outta The Further

  Insidious has always been a fairly low tier horror franchise. The Conjuring's budget cousin, if you will. If you look at it that way then Insidious: Out of the Further is actually fairly good. It's certainly the most entertaining the series has been since the first instalment. Like that first breakout hit from back in 2010, Out of the Further has a much stronger first half than it does second. We start with a fairly harrowing scene of a young girl named Gemma witnessing the grisly death of her erratically behaving mother. We then fast forward a couple of decades to find the adult Gemma working as a dentist while raising a young girl of her own, yet still living in her childhood home. Spooky things begin to happen as some unfriendly OAPs start stalking the neighbourhood and Gemma tries to keep her daughter safe while worrying she is becoming like her mother. In typical Insidious fashion, things become more silly than scary as the plot is revealed and we build towards a ludicr...

Thunderbolts and Lightning, Mental Health is Frightening*

  Thunderbolts* takes a bunch of relatively minor MCU characters and scoops them up into a "Suicide Squad" type adventure where they face off against insurmountable odds. Given most of the characters have appeared in TV shows, there is a distinct whiff of Disney+ about proceedings but it is also one of the most solid films Marvel has put out in years. The execs must have known they had something decent on their hands as they waited until a whole weekend after release to spoil the end twist with marketing, as appose to doing it in the trailers.  The titular Thunderbolts are : New Black Widow, Yelena Belova (Florence Pugh), failed Captain America replacement John Walker (Wyatt Russell), former Winter Soldier turned congressman Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), Russian super soldier and Yelena's adoptive father Red Guardian (David Harbour), Ant Man 2 alumni Ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) and maybe mysterious newcomer Bob (Lewis Pullman). If you follow MCU events you will recognise ...

Listening to the Sounds in Silence

The tagline for breakout indie horror hit Undertone is, "The Scariest Movie You'll Ever Hear". This declaration sets out the film's stall as a uniquely audio based horror, and that is exactly what it delivers. The result is something that will chill some people to the bone and leave others falling asleep in their seats.  Originally made for a meagre $500,000, the film takes place entirely in one location (director Ian Tuason's childhood home) and centres on podcaster Ivy, played with impressive range by Nina Kiri. Ivy is caring for her dying mother (the only other person who appears onscreen) so has to wait until the early hours of the morning to record her paranormal podcast with friend Justin (the voice of Adam DiMarco). She plays the role of sceptic to Justin's believer but her rationality is tested when her cohost begins playing some eerie audio files he received from an anonymous listener. Although Undertone isn't a found footage film, it very much t...

Can I Pet That Dog

  Good Boy sees a man called Todd move into his grandfather's old house in the woods to convalesce from a serious lung condition. Unfortunately, his peace is interrupted by a series of creepy events. It is unclear how much of what is happening is due to the supposedly cursed nature of the house and how much is to do with a relapse of his illness. Standard horror stuff, apart from the fact the entire film is told from the point of view of Todd's faithful companion, a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever named Indy. On paper, a mostly dialogue free horror movie is a risky move, as evidenced by last year's "In a Violent Nature" (a slasher movie shown from the point of view of the wordless killer). Good Boy though has one massive advantage over that movie; instead of spending an hour odd staring at someone's back, we are looking at an adorable dog.  And debut director Ben Leonberg really makes the most of his star attraction, who just so happens to be his own real ...

Summer of 75

Tony opens with a quote from the late chef, and subject of this semi-biopic, Anthony Bourdain's memoir. It goes: "I was — to be frank — a spoiled, miserable, narcissistic, self-destructive and thoughtless young lout, and badly in need of a good ass-kicking." He's not wrong. The Tony (he's much too cool to let people call him Anthony) we meet at the beginning of the film is an insufferable blowhard. He tells anyone who'll listen about his great future as a writer, despite seemingly having an aversion to doing any actual writing. He assumes the panel awarding a prestigious scholarship is too stupid to see his pitch is nonsense bravado. He condescendingly explains the meaning of what he thinks are obscure words, despite not always knowing himself. While he does change over the course of the film, it's hard to map an actual character journey. That's because more than a biopic or chef's origin story, Tony is a summer vibes hangout movie. The story take...

Icky Ice Cream

Note before the review: It has emerged that generative AI featured in the making of Ice Cream Man and the filmmakers appear to have been less than 100% honest with how much it was used. I have reviewed the film as I saw it and have not taken the way it was made into account. If you (understandably) want nothing to do with a movie that used generative AI then give this one a miss. "The kids have gone fucking insane" screams a father just before his son and daughter, having already mangled his hand in the garbage disposal, set fire to him. How you feel about the idea of that scene pretty much tells you what you will think about the whole of Ice Cream Man, the latest bloodstained offering from gore hound Eli Roth. The premise is a basic one: a quite overtly sinister ice cream man comes to town and, the day after he hands out his freezer based treats, any child who consumed them turns into little murder bots and begin dismembering the local adults. A couple of kids who didn...

2025 Movies Ranked

 Another year in the rear view mirror means another ranking of every new release film I caught in the cinema this year. Despite 75 films making the list there are some fairly big omissions so if your favourite isn't on here, just imagine it up near the top. Also, we are talking UK releases.  75. The Stranger Chapter 2 This lame duck franchise props up the rankings for the second year in a row. A little more happens this time round but there is no jeopardy since we know the protagonist needs to make it to part 3. Also undermines its main premise (people might just decide to murder you for no reason) by giving the masked killers backstory. At least a section with a wild boar trying to gut somebody means the audience aren't the only ones nearly bored to death. 74. Hurry Up Tomorrow When a musician decides to write and star in their own movie the results are often pompus nonsense, so the problem with this effort from Abel "The Weeknd" Tesfaye isn't that its ridiculous...