Skip to main content

It Sure Does


 Love Hurts
is Ke Huy Quan's first ever lead role. After decades out the game and struggling to keep his insurance prior to his Oscar winning turn in "Everything Everywhere, All At Once", you can hardly blame him for taking the chance to front a movie. Unfortunately, in Jonathan Eusabio's directorial debut, he has landed in a misfire.

Quan plays Marvin Gable, a cheery real estate agent living his best life as he crushes the sales game and keeps everyone in the office (except for his depressed assistant) happy with his home baking. Unbeknownst to his colleagues he used to be a gangland hitman for his mob boss brother "Knuckles" and when the mysterious Rose, who Marvin was supposed to have killed, remerges, big brother dispatches the goons to get some answers from him. Cue high jinks as Marvin battles henchmen kung fu style while trying to keep his current and past lives from colliding.

It's a fun idea but nothing quite comes together in the execution. The entertainment in a premise like this comes from the conflict of the main character having to beat up the bad guys without anyone knowing he is beating up the bad guys but that is only used once, when he throws down with hulking hitman come tortured poet Raven (Mustafa Shakir) near the beginning of the film. After that every action beat happens when either nobody else is around or everyone knows what is going on, undermining the entire point of the set up. The fights themselves are wacky and entertaining but not to the point they can carry the film, especially when they are so drawn out and, given the same people keep showing up, lacking in consequence. 

The central duo of Quan and Ariana DeBose doesn't work as a romantic pairing. DeBose plays Rose as a calculating but potentially volatile wildcard who wants the "real" Marvin back. Given Marvin loves his new life and never liked being a killer it's hard to get on board with the idea there would be any attraction between them. A complete lack of on screen chemistry and distracting age difference don't help. The rest of the cast of characters is a mixed bag, with Mustafa Shakir the stand out as smooth voiced, reluctant killer Raven. Daniel Wu as big bad Knuckles is a bit wet and Sean Austin is underused as Marvin's real estate agent mentor. Marshawn Lynch and Andre Eriksen play an entertaining odd couple hit man team but, like the rest of the movie, the dynamic has been done many times before and much better.

At 83 minutes, Love hurts is too brief to be a chore and its lead is too charming for it to be grating but it is eminently, and perhaps mercifully, forgettable.

5 real estate agent of the year awards out of 10. 



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An Apple a Day

 Bad Apples opens with a colourful procession of apples making their way through a processing facility. There is a problem, though: stowing away is a solitary child's trainer, hidden amongst the apples and about to jam up the machine and bring the whole enterprise to a halt. Turns out a bad kid can do the same to a classroom, as poor Miss Maria Spencer (Saoirse Ronan) knows only too well. This darkly comic satire doesn't go much deeper than the above metaphor but it entertains and is propelled by a trio of strong performances. The offending trainer belongs to Danny (Eddie Waller),  a disruptive pupil whose out of control behaviour has the timid Maria on the verge of losing her job. When Danny seriously injures another pupil and gets suspended, Maria goes to see his dad but ends up in a scuffle with the troublemaking youngster that leads to her imprisoning him in her basement. With the rascal out of the picture and nobody missing him much, things start to look pretty rosy for t...

One Dog and his Man

Heart of the Beast is a man and his dog against nature film. As such, it requires a lead who can be tough but also vulnerable and has the screen presence to draw the audience in without dialogue. This film has such a lead. It also has Brad Pitt. See, the star of the show really is ex-army dog Odin (played by a German Shepherd named Uber, with three of his sons helping out). Odin has metal teeth, an artificial leg and suffers from PTSD but soldiers on with the joyous spirit only a dog can muster. It's just as well, since he is the only thing holding his human, retired Special Forces Command Sergeant Major James Belmont (Pitt) together. Belmont is himself haunted by nightmares of the mission that left him and Odin as sole survivors and it's safe to say he isn't a people person. The pair are exploring the Alaskan wilderness when a potential heart attack leads to Belmont crashing his little plane and leaving them with an arduous and dangerous trek back to civilisation. That thi...

Irreverent Evil

  Despite its singular name, Resident Evil is actually the eighth film to be based on the long running video game franchise. Unlike Paul W.S. Anderson's decade plus running series and 2021's failed reboot, Welcome to Raccoon City, this new effort from Weapons helmer Zach Cregger uses none of the game's characters or plot lines. Ironically, ditching the baggage has allowed Cregger to craft something that comes much closer to matching the camp terror of its source material and is easily the best film to wear the Resident Evil name. The entire film follows medical courier Bryan (Austin Abrams) on the delivery from hell. Despite being in the middle of a phone argument with his pregnant girlfriend, Brian accepts one last job for the day; a drop-off in remote Raccoon City. The icy roads he is ill prepared for turn out to be the least of his worries as something has gone very wrong in the mountain city. After running a woman over in the town outskirts, things quickly escalated and...

Straight Outta The Further

  Insidious has always been a fairly low tier horror franchise. The Conjuring's budget cousin, if you will. If you look at it that way then Insidious: Out of the Further is actually fairly good. It's certainly the most entertaining the series has been since the first instalment. Like that first breakout hit from back in 2010, Out of the Further has a much stronger first half than it does second. We start with a fairly harrowing scene of a young girl named Gemma witnessing the grisly death of her erratically behaving mother. We then fast forward a couple of decades to find the adult Gemma working as a dentist while raising a young girl of her own, yet still living in her childhood home. Spooky things begin to happen as some unfriendly OAPs start stalking the neighbourhood and Gemma tries to keep her daughter safe while worrying she is becoming like her mother. In typical Insidious fashion, things become more silly than scary as the plot is revealed and we build towards a ludicr...

Killing in the Name of

Mortal Kombat II is, unsurprisingly, a sequel to 2021's Mortal Kombat and the latest attempt to adapt the long running fighting game franchise for the big screen. There has been a bit of a shift in Hollywood over the five years since the last instalment and this film has a very different attitude. Gone is the attempt to "serious-up" the material as MKII fully embraces its dumb video game roots. It still isn't exactly good, but at least this time round it's bad in an enjoyable way. For those unfamiliar with the games, they are based around a fighting tournament that decides if an evil empire from another dimension, or "realm",  gets to take over Earth. Think "Enter the Dragon" with superpowers and a hefty dose of inspiration from "Big Trouble in Little China".  In terms of this movie, eight people from Earth take turns fighting eight people from "Outworld". Sounds simple enough but the script makes no attempt to create any s...

Sick in the Mud

Like its shape shifting titular character, Clayface attempts to be many things. Billed as DC's first horror movie, it is also a supervillain origin story, a modern-gothic romance, a tragedy and a crime drama. With all this in the pot, what it actually ends up feeling like is a throwback to the '90s/early 2000s era of comic book adaptations. A time of modest budgets for the genre, when studios cared less about shared world continuity and were prepared to let filmmakers have some fun with weird characters.  Tom Rhys Harris stars as Matt Hagen, an actor who got out of the Gotham City slums and is now Academy Award nominated. His high flying life comes crashing down when he has a one night stand with the girlfriend of a prominent Gotham mobster and is left hideously scarred by the scorned gangster's vengeance. With his career in ruins, he finds showbiz loyalty in short supply as his manager, lawyer and possibly even his best friend quickly abandon him. Scientist Dr. Caitlyn Co...

Logan Hood?

Everybody has their own version of Robin Hood, whether it's Errol Flynn, Kevin Costner or a dashing cartoon fox. There have also been attempts at taking the tale in a more grounded direction, most notably from Ridley Scott and Russel Crowe in 2010, but nobody has shot an arrow through the neck of the legend quite like Michael Sarnoski does with The Death of Robin Hood.  The film begins with an ageing Robin (Hugh Jackman) tormented by false stories of his own making and filling up his own personal graveyard with the bodies of would be assassins. When the last surviving member of his outlaw band, Little John (a typically chameleonic Bill Skarsgard) asks for his help in reclaiming a stolen farm, he senses the chance to finally receive his "good" death. Instead, he ends up gravely injured and in the care of Jodie Comer's healing Prioress.  Many films have done "realistic" medical violence but the opening act here is on a whole other level. Within minutes of the ...

Predator Chadlands

After revitalising the Predator franchise with 2022's Prey, director Dan Trachtenberg brings us a very different take on the extraterrestrial big game hunter. In Predator: Badlands , the titular monster is the main character. Considering how terrible that premise could have been, we actually end up with a decent action adventure movie. Our protagonist is Dek, a Yautja (the species name of the Predators) who is considered something of a runt. Such a runt in fact, that his dad wants to kill him for being a pitiful disgrace to the clan. After his brother saves him, he makes his way to "the Death Planet" Genna to hunt a supposedly unkillable monster in order to show his father who is boss and force the rest of the clan to put some respect on his name. When he gets there he discovers that, not only is all the wildlife deadly, but Weyland-Yutani ( yes, the evil corporation from Alien) have sent a bunch of synths there to collect and weaponise his prospective trophy. He forms an...

2025 Movies Ranked

 Another year in the rear view mirror means another ranking of every new release film I caught in the cinema this year. Despite 75 films making the list there are some fairly big omissions so if your favourite isn't on here, just imagine it up near the top. Also, we are talking UK releases.  75. The Stranger Chapter 2 This lame duck franchise props up the rankings for the second year in a row. A little more happens this time round but there is no jeopardy since we know the protagonist needs to make it to part 3. Also undermines its main premise (people might just decide to murder you for no reason) by giving the masked killers backstory. At least a section with a wild boar trying to gut somebody means the audience aren't the only ones nearly bored to death. 74. Hurry Up Tomorrow When a musician decides to write and star in their own movie the results are often pompus nonsense, so the problem with this effort from Abel "The Weeknd" Tesfaye isn't that its ridiculous...

A Barbillion Bucks

 Barbie, like The Lego Movie, is a product film based on a product so successful it doesn't need to sell said product and instead uses the guaranteed exposure to tell its own fairly unique story. Barbies of various type live in "Barbie Land" where every day is pink and perfect (for the Barbies at least) . When generic Barbie begins having thoughts about death and experiencing flat feet she has journey to the real world, accompanied by tag along, wannabe boyfriend Ken.  Revealing much more of the story would be a bit of a spoiler given how well the marketing has kept the nitty gritty of precedings hidden but it's safe to say the ensuing story is possibly the most meta film ever made. It comments on Barbie's place in the world, some "interesting" missteps Matel has made with the doll, and the irony of the company having an all male board before you even get to the feminist and class culture stuff. Even the movie's casting is meta. Having Margot Robbie,...