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Icky Ice Cream

Note before the review: It has emerged that generative AI featured in the making of Ice Cream Man and the filmmakers appear to have been less than 100% honest with how much it was used. I have reviewed the film as I saw it and have not taken the way it was made into account. If you (understandably) want nothing to do with a movie that used generative AI then give this one a miss. "The kids have gone fucking insane" screams a father just before his son and daughter, having already mangled his hand in the garbage disposal, set fire to him. How you feel about the idea of that scene pretty much tells you what you will think about the whole of Ice Cream Man, the latest bloodstained offering from gore hound Eli Roth. The premise is a basic one: a quite overtly sinister ice cream man comes to town and, the day after he hands out his freezer based treats, any child who consumed them turns into little murder bots and begin dismembering the local adults. A couple of kids who didn...
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Eight is the Loneliest Number of Legs

Spider-Man: Brand New Day swings into cinemas to deliver a much needed box office shot in the arm to the once invincible MCU and prove that the wall crawler is Marvel's most enduring hero. It delivers on the Spiderman feeling but loses steam as the 2 hour 20 minute runtime rolls on.  Since everyone he cares about is either dead or has forgotten him after the events of No Way Home, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) has been focusing solely on his Spider-Man duties. As a result, he has more or less eradicated organised crime in New York and is idolised by the city populace. On the downside, he is devoid of real human contact apart from phone calls to a detective and a grudging pseudo-friendship with gun toting vigilante Frank Castle (Jon Bernthal), aka The Punisher. He still pines after his lost relationships with MJ (Zendaya) and Ned (Jacob Batalon) and it seems his isolation is beginning to have a physical effect on him. This couldn't come at a worse time, with a new threat that can s...

The Old Man vs The Sea

 The Odyssey represents something of an epic journey for director Christopher Nolan himself. Back in 2004 he came close to directing sword and sandals epic Troy before eventually being passed over in favour of the then far more renowned Wolfgang Petersen. Now, an entire Odysseus away from Ithaca length of time later, he brings us his uniquely Nolan take on the next part of Homer's epic works. It's worth the wait as he crams everything he has learned and refined over the last twenty-odd years into his most ambitious project yet.  Spoiler for a 3,000 year old poem but the combined Greek army win the Trojan war after a decade long siege thanks to Odysseus (Matt Damon) tricking the Trojans with the famous wooden horse. A series of catastrophes befall him and his crew on the way back to his kingdom of Ithaca, meaning the journey takes him another ten years. Meanwhile his queen, Penelope (Anne Hathaway) and son Thelemachus (Tom Holland) have to deal with an army of suitors, led by ...

Sick Burn

The Evil Dead is horror's most consistent brand, with six films spanning over forty years and not a dud in sight. With Evil Dead Burn, French director Sébastien Vanicek keeps the streak alive, even if he doesn't quite manage to nail the unique feel of earlier entries. Souheila Yacoub plays Alice, whose husband dies in a Deadite (person possessed by a demon) induced car crash. A very tense post funeral get together with her in-laws goes from grim to apocalyptic when the dead arrive looking for a dagger that is capable of sending them back to hell. This is a slight change-up to the usual Evil Dead formula. Normally some fool reads from the Book of the Dead and the Deadites show up to torment and kill people with gleeful abandon. What distinguishes the undead nasties from those in other films is the fun they take in the mayhem. They are neither mindless monsters nor serious soldiers of Satan. They are just here for the love of the game. This somewhat softens the gore and allows ...

Rushed Girl

Supergirl is the second film in Warner Bros' relaunched DCU. After the previous iteration fizzled out like a damp firework James Gunn was brought in to oversee a new dawn that promised to focus on quality over quantity and compelling scripts over corporate deadlines. Unfortunately, two films and less than a year in and we already have a movie that has clearly been made to fit a schedule rather than because anyone had a great idea for the character.  Milly Alcock plays the titular Kryptonian, or Kara to her friends (not that she has any). Still mourning the loss of her home and family, and disillusioned with life on Earth, she is celebrating her birthday alone on a planet with a red sun. The lack of yellow sunlight hampers her superpowers meaning she can get drunk, but it also means she unable to stop her beloved dog Krypto from being poisoned when bad guy Krem (Matthias Schoenaerts) turns up to steal her ship. With three days to get the antidote she embarks on a mission to hunt do...

Welcome to Earth

Early on in Disclosure Day a character is told not to, under any circumstances, release the world changing information he has on the internet. For the masses to accept the truth, the reveal must be a carefully orchestrated, communal event. That's because this alien conspiracy thriller is a film about how important it is to tell a story the right way. There aren't many people more qualified to  make such a statement than Steven Spielberg.  Josh O'Connor plays Daniel Kellner, a cybersecurity expert who has stolen evidence of alien visitation from his employers and is trying to get it into the hands of his colleague, Coleman Domingo's Hugo so they can blow the doors off years of cover ups. Meanwhile, TV meteorologist Margaret Fairchild (Emily Blunt) is finding she can speak multiple languages, including one that seems to be non-human, and finds herself compelled to find Daniel. Chasing after them is shady suit Noah Scanion (Colin Firth) and his security team. These event...

He-Management

A  second  Masters of the Universe  movie (after the 1987 Dolph Lundgren vehicle) has been on the docket for a long time, with directors from John Woo to Jon M. Chu attached and rights bouncing around various studios. The success of Barbie (another Mattel property) is likely the reason this iteration of the project has finally made it to screens. While a look at what constitutes modern masculinity means it does share a little in common with its pink dappled cousin, it mostly just contents itself with being the most sincerely dumb summer blockbuster you can imagine.  Nicholas Galitzine plays Adam, the Prince of Eternia, sent to Earth as a child to escape the skull-faced villain Skeletor (Jared Leto) who has conquered our hero's homeland. Fast forward fifteen years, and Adam is now a friendly Human Resources worker freaking out potential dates by telling them he is the long lost prince to a land of magic and wonder. Finally finding the "Sword of Power" he dropped on hi...