2022 So Far

Halfway through the year and it's time to have look back and rank the movies of the year so far. To keep the list manageable I'm only including films I've seen in the cinema. If it ain't here I didn't see it on the big screen.

19. 355

Too stupid to be a serious spy thriller, too boring to be a fun romp. Also, for a film that is supposed to be about agents from different countries coming together, an abundance of lazy stereotypes give it a low key racist vibe. If you are looking for a fun female ensemble action movie check out 2019's Charlies Angels reboot instead.

18. The Matrix Reserection

Empty follow up starts out like it might have something interesting to say but soon settles into the cynical, corporate mandated sequel it mocks in its first act. You'll be begging for it to end long before the drawn out finale reaches its conclusion.

17. Jurassic World Dominion

A plodding script and phoned in performances from the returning cast make this a limp end (please) to the franchise. Had it trimmed down its unnecessary length it might have been worth checking out, for dino fans at least, but at two and a half hours plus there is zero chance you can't find something better to do with your time.

16. Morbius

The good thing about Morbius is that Sony know its a waste of your time so have hacked it down to a slim ninety minutes. The bad thing is they forgot to leave in any character, worthwhile stakes or anything else to care about. Shame as the superhero/horror combo had potential.

15. Scream

Nowhere near enough new ideas to justify dusting off this usually inventive film series. Has a couple of fun moments but making fun of bad modern movie tropes doesn't give you a pass to put them in your movie, it just makes it seem you are making fun of me for watching.

14. Death on the Nile

Once Brannagh's Poirot gets into mystery solving mode it's pretty entertaining but some distracting casting choices and crap CGI representations of places they could have just filmed at for real detract from the atmosphere. Doesn't reach the heights of 2017's Murder on the Orient Express

13. Moonfall

Roland Emmerich, the king of over the top 90's disaster movies, returns with basically an over the top 90's disaster movie. Science and logic go out the window in favour of spectacle and melodrama. Dumb fun if you don't mind you ability to suspend disbelief being stretched to the limit.

12. The Black Phone

Decent thriller that manages to take its time without dragging on and has some excellent performances. Unfortunately, if you have seen the trailer you know pretty much everything the film has in store. Still worth checking out for a couple of breakout child actor performances and Ethan Hawk's creepy serial killer.

11. Dr Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Marvel continue the post Endgame trait of seemingly giving their directors more freedom and Sam Rami's signature is all over this sequel. Plays out more like a Terminator film as the heros are perused by an unstoppable force. Wastes some time trying to build sympathy for a villain that really doesn't deserve any but one of the more interesting Marvel films.

10. Ambulance

Two brothers trapped in an ambulance after a heist gone wrong sounds like the set up for a tight low key thriller. For Michael Bay it's a signal to blow more stuff up. It's one of his most entertaining films in years even though it misses about three opertunities to end better than it does.

9. Uncharted

First of two decent video game adaptations this year, who'd have thought. Tom Holland continues his journey to full on leading man status and Mark Wahlberg is a good foil as his older, more cynical mentor. It might be an inferior Indiana Jones knock off but there isn't much wrong with that.

8. Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Goofy humour for the kids, old video game references for the adults, Jim Carrey for everybody. Not every gag or story beat lands but its refreshing to see an action film aimed squarely at kids with none of the snark and cynicism of a Marvel movie. You'd need to be pretty miserable not to find any of this fun.

7. X

Essentially a 70's grindhouse flick with arthouse sensibilities. Might be a bit slow to get going for some fright fans and too gruesome for those who like more subtle horror but if you stick with it you'll see one of the best and most unique slasher films of recent years.

6. The Batman

By not shying away from the problems posed by a rich guy who thinks beating up the desperate is the best way to stop crime Matt Reeves and Robert Pattinson manage to find a new take on the titular character, an impressive feat in 2022. Its long but unlike most lengthy blockbusters the third act doesn't suck so you don't feel your time has been wasted.

5. Top Gun Maverick

80's classics getting dusted off for a modern retread don't have a great record and the chest thumping triumphalism of Top Gun should make it one of the hardest to bring up to date. Incredibly Maverick manages to nail the spirit of the original while adding just enough modern sensibilities and the necessary drop of melancholy. Better than it has any right to be.

4. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

An absolute must watch for Nicolas Cage fans but we'll worth checking out for everybody. You get several different flavours of Cage as he both pays homage to and pokes fun at his legend. A weak action ending is a slight letdown after the masterful character work that has gone before but it scarcely matters when Nic is on top form.

3. The Northman

What do you get when you give $90 million to a history and folklore obsessed autuer indy director? Apparently the answer is a blood soaked epic revenge tale based on a pre-Shakespearian Norse legend. It can be grim at times but is outstandingly shot and acted by people at the top of their game. Director River Eggers apparently disliked how much the studio interfered but the result is his most accessible (although not best) film to date.

2. Nightmare Alley

Bradley Cooper should be too old to play an upstart con man just beginning to try his luck as a carny but he has enough charisma that it doesn't matter and turns in his best ever performance. Del Toro's vision turns what could almost be a TV movie plot into an atmospheric must see. When you have the like of Toni Collette ane Willem Dafoe in supporting roles you know you have quality on your hands.

1. Everything Everywhere All at Once

Michelle Yeoh must deal with a tax inspection, build bridges with family members and save all of existence. You don't want to know any more than that before you watch one of the outstanding cinematic achievements of recent years. You'll gasp, you'll laugh, you'll cry. If you only watch one multiverse movie this year (or possibly ever) make sure it's this one.

Comments

Won't Somebody Think of the Children

Weapons is the sophomore effort from writer/director Zach Craggier and while his first film, "Barbarian", was well received, this feels like a clear step up. The film's fantastically eerie marketing campaign revolved around the movies central mystery, at 2.17 AM an entire classrooms worth of sixth graders get up out of bed and disappear into the night. It's a great hook but the story proper actually picks up a couple of months after the event and unfolds over a couple of days as the townspeople continue to deal with the fallout. The point of view shifts between a bunch of characters and time and space is given to fleshing out the small town details. This approach, combined with the sombre and eventually horrific goings on, gives the story a very Stephen King feel. It also works as a tension release, wiping the slate somewhat clean every time we switch perspective. The slight downside to the condensed mini series approach is that it lengthens the film with some segm...

Toxic Shock

The Toxic Avenger ambles his way into theatres some two years after the film was first shown at festivals. Strange that the movie had so much trouble finding a distributor given the presence of major names, relatively mainstream sensibilities (compared to the 80s original anyway) and the fact it's actually quite a bit of fun. Events take place in a fictional city inside a cartoonish, ultra-capitalist, crime-ridden caricature of 80s America, with locations called things like "Depressing Outskirts" and "Ye Olde Shithead District". Peter Dinklage is down on his luck janitor Winston Gooze, a widower with a step son who attempts to break into the headquarters of the mega-pharmaceutical company he works for when he discovers his gold level insurance doesn't cover treatment for his brain condition. Things go south and he is transformed into The Toxic Avenger, a mutated super human who sets about righting some wrongs in his crime ridden city. The film attempts t...

Love is a Battlefield

The Roses is technically a remake of 1989 black comedy, "The War of the Roses", but sticks far less closely to the source novel than its predecessor, with director Jay Roach and writer Tony McNamara bringing a drier, more understated tone to the humour. Add in pitch-perfect performances from Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman in the central roles and you have a fantastically fun hundred-odd minutes. After briefly seeing disillusioned architect Theo (Cumberbatch) and ambitious chef Ivy (Colman) first meet, the film skips us forward a decade to the now-married pair having abandoned their native UK to live their dream life in America. Theo is on the verge of revealing his architectural masterpiece while Ivy is cooking outrageously elaborate cakes in her role as stay-at-home mum to their two children. A freak storm ends up flipping their lives around and Ivy's chef career hits the big time while Theo holds down the fort at home and resentments slowly accumulate over th...

We are Living in a Material World

Materialists is, on the surface, a romantic drama-comedy about a New York matchmaker who faces a choice in her own love life. It has something more on its mind though, presenting a forensic examination of modern adult relationships and the incompatibility of expectation and genuine feeling. Dakota Johnson is Lucy, a specialist in matching together "elite" couples. For elite, read some of the worst people on Earth. Men who demand their partners have knockout bodies, adhere to strict weight limits and the younger the better. Women who will only consider the tall, rich and in one case, white. In Lucy's world marriage is a business deal and the ultimate match is the one who checks the most boxes. As a "voluntary celibate", she carries this philosophy into here every day life and has no interest in dating until she can find the rich man who will make husband material. The love cynic is a classic trope for the lead in a movie with this set up but there is much more...

Honey Doesn't

Honey Don't is the second film from the director/writer team-up of Ethan (one half of the brothers) Coen and his wife Tricia Cook. Like their previous effort, "Drive Away Dolls", it is wonderfully queer but lacks any of the sharpness and precise pacing that typifies a classic Coen brothers movie. Margaret Qualley is Honey O'Donahue (a name you will hear spoken a LOT over the course of the film), a private investigator in Bakersfield. She is essentially a classic noir gumshoe detective transported to sun-bleached, modern-day California. After a would-be-client dies, Honey begins an investigation that has her cross paths with Chris Evans's skeezy preacher and the mysterious French woman who represents his business partners. She is also attempting to provide support to her sister, who has a small army of children, including an eldest daughter who she is constantly at loggerheads with. All while working her way through the lesbian population of town, including embarki...

Weightwatchers Extreme

The Cut is a boxing movie with (apart from a brief opening sequence) no boxing in it. Instead it focuses on the equally brutal, but less visibly part of the sport, weight loss, as a former contender spirals into madness while trying to shed an insane amount of heft in order to secure a last minute return to the big time. Orlando Bloom is a boxer (he is never named during the film) who lost his one title shot and now runs a gym with his partner and trainer Caitlin (Catriona Balfe). He retains a reputation for being an exciting knockout specialist so when a title contender dies weeks before an upcoming Las Vegas showdown, scary promoter Donny (Gary Beadle) offers him the chance of a glamorous comeback. The catch? He needs to shed thirty two pounds (over two stone or fourteen kilos) in a week. Caitlin agrees to him giving it a go provided they do things by the book, but when traditional methods fail, John Turturro's Boz enters the equation and pushes Bloom way beyond the bounds of w...

Dressed for Fun

The Naked Gun is a legacy sequel to the mad cap comedy franchise of the late 80's/ early 90's, with Liam Neeson playing Frank Drebin Jr, son of the legendary Leslie Neilson's detective from the original movies. Is big Liam quite as good at deadpan hilarity as Neilson was? Possibly not. Does this film ever completely match the highs of its predecessors? Probably not. Is it still very funny? Absolutely. The film arrives amid a cinematic landscape devoid of out of and out comedies, with laughs mostly relegated to one liners in action films or the silly sidekick in a romcom. Fortunately, from the moment a Girl Scout peels off her face to reveal a gurning Neilson, right through to a joke filled credits roll, The Naked Gun is interested solely in making you chuckle. Sure, there is a plot, involving a mcguffin literally named PLOT device and an evil tech mogul, played with deliciously deadpan malice by Danny Huston, but it's all about the gags. The comedy runs the gamut from ...

I Got Bombs But I'm Not a Bomber

Oppenheimer posed a tricky question for perennial hit maker Christopher Nolan. How do you make a three hour biopic of a scientist compelling enough to bring in big money? Turns out the answer is to not make a biopic at all. While J. Robert Oppenheimer is indeed the focus of the film it eschews any traditional biopic format, instead serving up what is essentially a heist or even sports movie wrapped up in a courtroom drama. This allows the director to indulge his favourite hobby of playing with time, as the story jumps between two different panel hearings while also covering Oppenheimer's early career and of course the work of the Manhattan Project. This approach works incredibly well with the three hour runtime flying by. In fact, if you go to see this in the cinema you might want to skip the large cola as there really isn't any time when little enough is happening to sneak in a toilet brake. Technically the film is outstanding. Cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema, follo...

Money and Masks

The challenge for Dumb Money is how to make a story about stocks interesting, especially when anyone interested either already knows what happened or can easily look up the events. The answer given here is to focus on some great characters played by grade A actors. The story is a simple one, albeit one seasoned with odd bit of financial jargon. Way back in pandemic times (2021) a low rung financial investor called Keith Gill led a Reddit driven movement to buy up stock in video game retail chain Gamestop, massively driving up its share price and giving investors a huge return. This sparks a backlash from the big finance institutions betting on the companies demise. Paul Dano plays Gill with Seth Rogan, Vincent D'Onofrio and Nick Offerman appearing as real life Wall Street investors alongside some made up "average Joe" characters portrayed by America Ferrera, Anthony Ramos and others. When every character is introduced we see their net worth, from the multiple billions ...

2024 at the Cinema

Bye bye 2024, time to put your ducks in a row. If ducks are films I saw in the cinema. As ever, ranking is purely my opinion (although my opinion is obviously correct), a movie needs to have been released in the UK during calendar year 2024 and I have to have seen it on the big screen for it to be eligible. 60. The Strangers: Chapter 1 Unrelentingly tedious reboot of an already mediocre home invasion thriller that ramps up nothing but the banality. If your idea of entertainment is watching an insufferable couple hide while a man and a woman in stupid masks walk about slowly then this is the film for you. Otherwise the only scary thing here is the fact they have already filmed chapters two and three. 59. In a Violent Nature You don't need to make people drink curdled milk to know it would taste awful. Similarly, you shouldn't need to make people watch a slasher film that follows the killer for the whole runtime to know it's a terrible idea. Dialogue is replaced by endless...

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