2022 So Far

Halfway through the year and it's time to have look back and rank the movies of the year so far. To keep the list manageable I'm only including films I've seen in the cinema. If it ain't here I didn't see it on the big screen.

19. 355

Too stupid to be a serious spy thriller, too boring to be a fun romp. Also, for a film that is supposed to be about agents from different countries coming together, an abundance of lazy stereotypes give it a low key racist vibe. If you are looking for a fun female ensemble action movie check out 2019's Charlies Angels reboot instead.

18. The Matrix Reserection

Empty follow up starts out like it might have something interesting to say but soon settles into the cynical, corporate mandated sequel it mocks in its first act. You'll be begging for it to end long before the drawn out finale reaches its conclusion.

17. Jurassic World Dominion

A plodding script and phoned in performances from the returning cast make this a limp end (please) to the franchise. Had it trimmed down its unnecessary length it might have been worth checking out, for dino fans at least, but at two and a half hours plus there is zero chance you can't find something better to do with your time.

16. Morbius

The good thing about Morbius is that Sony know its a waste of your time so have hacked it down to a slim ninety minutes. The bad thing is they forgot to leave in any character, worthwhile stakes or anything else to care about. Shame as the superhero/horror combo had potential.

15. Scream

Nowhere near enough new ideas to justify dusting off this usually inventive film series. Has a couple of fun moments but making fun of bad modern movie tropes doesn't give you a pass to put them in your movie, it just makes it seem you are making fun of me for watching.

14. Death on the Nile

Once Brannagh's Poirot gets into mystery solving mode it's pretty entertaining but some distracting casting choices and crap CGI representations of places they could have just filmed at for real detract from the atmosphere. Doesn't reach the heights of 2017's Murder on the Orient Express

13. Moonfall

Roland Emmerich, the king of over the top 90's disaster movies, returns with basically an over the top 90's disaster movie. Science and logic go out the window in favour of spectacle and melodrama. Dumb fun if you don't mind you ability to suspend disbelief being stretched to the limit.

12. The Black Phone

Decent thriller that manages to take its time without dragging on and has some excellent performances. Unfortunately, if you have seen the trailer you know pretty much everything the film has in store. Still worth checking out for a couple of breakout child actor performances and Ethan Hawk's creepy serial killer.

11. Dr Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Marvel continue the post Endgame trait of seemingly giving their directors more freedom and Sam Rami's signature is all over this sequel. Plays out more like a Terminator film as the heros are perused by an unstoppable force. Wastes some time trying to build sympathy for a villain that really doesn't deserve any but one of the more interesting Marvel films.

10. Ambulance

Two brothers trapped in an ambulance after a heist gone wrong sounds like the set up for a tight low key thriller. For Michael Bay it's a signal to blow more stuff up. It's one of his most entertaining films in years even though it misses about three opertunities to end better than it does.

9. Uncharted

First of two decent video game adaptations this year, who'd have thought. Tom Holland continues his journey to full on leading man status and Mark Wahlberg is a good foil as his older, more cynical mentor. It might be an inferior Indiana Jones knock off but there isn't much wrong with that.

8. Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Goofy humour for the kids, old video game references for the adults, Jim Carrey for everybody. Not every gag or story beat lands but its refreshing to see an action film aimed squarely at kids with none of the snark and cynicism of a Marvel movie. You'd need to be pretty miserable not to find any of this fun.

7. X

Essentially a 70's grindhouse flick with arthouse sensibilities. Might be a bit slow to get going for some fright fans and too gruesome for those who like more subtle horror but if you stick with it you'll see one of the best and most unique slasher films of recent years.

6. The Batman

By not shying away from the problems posed by a rich guy who thinks beating up the desperate is the best way to stop crime Matt Reeves and Robert Pattinson manage to find a new take on the titular character, an impressive feat in 2022. Its long but unlike most lengthy blockbusters the third act doesn't suck so you don't feel your time has been wasted.

5. Top Gun Maverick

80's classics getting dusted off for a modern retread don't have a great record and the chest thumping triumphalism of Top Gun should make it one of the hardest to bring up to date. Incredibly Maverick manages to nail the spirit of the original while adding just enough modern sensibilities and the necessary drop of melancholy. Better than it has any right to be.

4. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

An absolute must watch for Nicolas Cage fans but we'll worth checking out for everybody. You get several different flavours of Cage as he both pays homage to and pokes fun at his legend. A weak action ending is a slight letdown after the masterful character work that has gone before but it scarcely matters when Nic is on top form.

3. The Northman

What do you get when you give $90 million to a history and folklore obsessed autuer indy director? Apparently the answer is a blood soaked epic revenge tale based on a pre-Shakespearian Norse legend. It can be grim at times but is outstandingly shot and acted by people at the top of their game. Director River Eggers apparently disliked how much the studio interfered but the result is his most accessible (although not best) film to date.

2. Nightmare Alley

Bradley Cooper should be too old to play an upstart con man just beginning to try his luck as a carny but he has enough charisma that it doesn't matter and turns in his best ever performance. Del Toro's vision turns what could almost be a TV movie plot into an atmospheric must see. When you have the like of Toni Collette ane Willem Dafoe in supporting roles you know you have quality on your hands.

1. Everything Everywhere All at Once

Michelle Yeoh must deal with a tax inspection, build bridges with family members and save all of existence. You don't want to know any more than that before you watch one of the outstanding cinematic achievements of recent years. You'll gasp, you'll laugh, you'll cry. If you only watch one multiverse movie this year (or possibly ever) make sure it's this one.

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Wasted Men

From Scum to Starred Up, neither the big nor small screen are short of brutally frank depictions of life behind British bars. Wasteman adds a taut, modern take to the pile and shows that life isn't getting any easier inside. Philip Barantini (creator of Boiling Point and Adolescence) is on board as a producer so you know it's going to feel real and the Safdie brothers were at one point attached to direct, so you know it's going to be gut-clenchingly tense. It doesn't disappoint on either front. David Jonsson plays long term convict Taylor. A timid drug addict, he cuts the hair of the top-dog inmates in return for a regular fix and is existing rather than living as the years of his sentence tick by when he gets some unexpected news. Prison overcrowding means he is up for early release, provided he can keep his nose clean for a couple of weeks, something made increasingly tricky by the arrival of his new cellmate Dee (Tom Blyth). Dee encourages Taylor to make contact wit...

Hell to Pay

They Will Kill You begins with a soaking wet Zazie Beetz waiting to start her maid job at swanky apartment building, The Virgil. Her character Asia is a former convict who has no idea her new employers are devil worshipers who sacrifice their staff to Lucifer. The building residents have no idea that Asia is actually there for reasons other than a steady paycheque and is not about to go gently into that good night. The touch paper is soon lit on a relentless blend of slapstick horror action that leaves little room for you to catch your breath across its ninety minute odd runtime. The most obvious comparison here is to 2019's Ready or Not and its sequel (which coincidentally released one week before this film), where an unsuspecting bride is left fighting for her life when her wealthy in-laws opt to make her a human sacrifice. While They Will Kill You shares that movie's comedic spirit we are much deeper into supernatural territory here. The grand old building and seemingly ...

You Screen, I Scream

The worst thing about Scream 7 isn't actually the film itself. It's the at best cowardly, actions of production company Spyglass Media who fired the star of the previous two films, Melissa Barrera, for daring to have an opinion on genocide. In addition to leaving an icky taste in the mouth, this move cost them fellow star Jenna Ortega and the guy who was supposed to direct the seventh instalment Christopher Landon, resulting in a return to the drawing board to completely rework the film. The only actually good thing about Scream 7 is also nothing to do with the actual film. Series mainstay Neve Campbell missed the previous instalment after producers lowballed her, but the production chaos of their own making means they've had to go crawling back. So Neve returns with a reported $7 million payday, a producer credit and a story based solely around how legendary her character Sydney is. Go her. The actual film doesn't warrant much discussion at all, given it does little mo...

Fifty Shades of Chrononberg

If you've been missing pure David Chrononberg then Crimes of the Future has you covered. It has the lot; body mutilation, main character undergoing a metamorphosis, questions about what defines being human, integrity of the mind, the collision of different world views and pretty much every other recurring theme of his is present and correct. So needless to say, it isn't for everyone. The film takes place in the (possibly near) future, when most humans have evolved to no longer feel pain and in some cases grow mysterious new organs. Viggo Maortensen and Lea Seydoux play a pair of performance artists whose act revolves around removing Mortensen's excess organs in front of a live crowd. Fittingly, given its focus on artits, the film takes place in the orbit of the protagonists with little shown of the world at large. Everything is dingy and grimey, hinting things aren't going swimmingly, and there are vaugue hints at ecological disaster but the characters are all far mor...

There Can Only be One

Trailers for Him had Jordan Peele's name slapped all over them, which is understandable from a marketing point of view. In reality it is simply produced by the"Get Out" directors company, Monkeypaw Productions. It is actually directed by Justin Tipping, from a script he co-wrote with Skip Bronkie and Zak Akers. The prevalence of Peele's name in the advertising means the film is bound to draw unflattering comparisons with his own work, which is a shame as the film has its own merits. Cameron "Cam" Cade (Tyriq Withers) grew up idolising Isaiah White (Marlon Wayans), star quarterback of the San Antonio Saviours. When White suffers a grisly injury during the Super Bowl, Cade's father tells the young fan that real men like his idol make sacrifices for greatness. Fast forward about a decade and a half and Cam is about to be drafted to the NFL, where he is tipped as a potential challenger to White's "Greatest Of All Time" status. When a mascot in ...

Spooky Tresspaser

The Women In The Yard marks the return of director Jaume Collet-Serra to his horror roots after years in the big budget action space. He puts some scary images together and gives a good cast a chance to shine but is let down by a fairly weak script. The film begins with struggling mum Ramona (Danielle Deadwyler) watching a video of her deceased husband. Struggling may be a bit of an understatement, the crash that took her husband also left her with a badly broken leg and she is stuck in a pit of despair so deep it has rendered her almost non-existent as a parent. Her son Taylor has essentially taken over looking after his little sister Annie, the food is running out and when the electricity goes off they have no means of contacting anyone. With tensions already frayed, things take a sinister turn as a mysterious and threatening figure in black appears in the garden, creeping slowly closer as the day drags on. The titular woman in the yard is played with equal grace and mena...

Gimme Shelter

The start of another year means it's time for the annual "Jason Statham is a retired killing machine trying to live a quiet life but being forced to start stacking obituaries" movie. The typically nondescript title of this year's offering is Shelter and Stath's former special forces badass is called Michael Mason. When the British government agency that he used to drop bodies for comes calling at his remote Scottish lighthouse he is forced to take action, something that is complicated by the presence of a young orphan girl named Jessie (Bodhi Rae Breathnach). While our protagonist and his reluctant charge tear across the countryside, Naomi Ackie (criminally underused here) and Bill Nighy (putting in just enough effort to get by) scheme against each other at Spy HQ. Jason Statham movies can essentially be judged on three criteria; Does he get to do cool action? Are the bad guys formidable enough? Is the plot and dialogue entertainingly cheesy rather than just e...

Nope Place Like Home

For his third featue Jordan Peele turns his attention to the art of filmaking itself and the explotation of those involved. Its unlikely he will ever blow people away like he did with Get Out again (you can only come out of nowhere once) and whether or not this effort is better than Us is a matter of taste, but he's still managing to flip expectations third time round. The film revolves around brother and sister duo OJ (his infamous real life namesake is mentioned) and Keke. OJ is professional and hardworking, desperate to keep their late fathers business going but lacks the people skills to get ahead. Keke is charismatic and would be the perfect foil to OJ but prefers self promotion to helping a family business she was never really made to feel part of. The business in question is providing horses for filming and the use (or misuse) of animals is a recurring theme, including a genuinely harrowing scene involving a sitcom chimp. Scenes like this confirm Peel's ability to make ...

Econ Air

Single location thriller Flight Risk is the latest film to suffer from an "over eager" trailer. That is to say, the trailer covers pretty much everything that happens in the movie, more or less in the exact order it occurs. On the plus side, it isn't a film that was ever going to keep any secrets so it doesn't suffer as much as some others have. FBI agent Madelyn Harris (Michelle Dockery) takes a flight with informant Winston (Topher Grace) but a short way into their journey they discover the pilot, played by Mark Wahlberg, is actually a mob hitman there to end them both before Winston can squeal. There is a brief opening at an Alaskan cabin and the finale is on a runway, but for the most part it's just the three of them in the cabin of a small plane. Events unfold almost like a theatrical play as the three talk and argue with intermittent attempts at murder. The main thing to know about Flight Risk is that it is ridiculous. The decisions the characters make a...

No Plane No Gain

In many ways Plane is the most generic action movie you could imagine. A former military man who is now a civilian pilot (played, of course, by Gerard Butler) crashes on a rebel malitia held island and must rescue his passangers from the local warlord. Some aspects are a somewhat different to the norm however, making the film a little different, if not necessarily better, than the premise suggests. Firstly, the focus really is on the plane and the ability of Captain Broddie Torrance (classic name for a Butler character) to fly it. This gives the proceedings a disaster movie feel for larges stretches. The titular plane is very much of the plot driving (or flying) variety, able to withstand hails of bullets while being the only airliner not capable of shrugging off a lightning strike. Butler's Captain Torrence is a little different than you might be expecting also. He isn't an ass kicking kill machine but rather just a very good pilot with a "no man left behind" atti...

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