2022 So Far

Halfway through the year and it's time to have look back and rank the movies of the year so far. To keep the list manageable I'm only including films I've seen in the cinema. If it ain't here I didn't see it on the big screen.

19. 355

Too stupid to be a serious spy thriller, too boring to be a fun romp. Also, for a film that is supposed to be about agents from different countries coming together, an abundance of lazy stereotypes give it a low key racist vibe. If you are looking for a fun female ensemble action movie check out 2019's Charlies Angels reboot instead.

18. The Matrix Reserection

Empty follow up starts out like it might have something interesting to say but soon settles into the cynical, corporate mandated sequel it mocks in its first act. You'll be begging for it to end long before the drawn out finale reaches its conclusion.

17. Jurassic World Dominion

A plodding script and phoned in performances from the returning cast make this a limp end (please) to the franchise. Had it trimmed down its unnecessary length it might have been worth checking out, for dino fans at least, but at two and a half hours plus there is zero chance you can't find something better to do with your time.

16. Morbius

The good thing about Morbius is that Sony know its a waste of your time so have hacked it down to a slim ninety minutes. The bad thing is they forgot to leave in any character, worthwhile stakes or anything else to care about. Shame as the superhero/horror combo had potential.

15. Scream

Nowhere near enough new ideas to justify dusting off this usually inventive film series. Has a couple of fun moments but making fun of bad modern movie tropes doesn't give you a pass to put them in your movie, it just makes it seem you are making fun of me for watching.

14. Death on the Nile

Once Brannagh's Poirot gets into mystery solving mode it's pretty entertaining but some distracting casting choices and crap CGI representations of places they could have just filmed at for real detract from the atmosphere. Doesn't reach the heights of 2017's Murder on the Orient Express

13. Moonfall

Roland Emmerich, the king of over the top 90's disaster movies, returns with basically an over the top 90's disaster movie. Science and logic go out the window in favour of spectacle and melodrama. Dumb fun if you don't mind you ability to suspend disbelief being stretched to the limit.

12. The Black Phone

Decent thriller that manages to take its time without dragging on and has some excellent performances. Unfortunately, if you have seen the trailer you know pretty much everything the film has in store. Still worth checking out for a couple of breakout child actor performances and Ethan Hawk's creepy serial killer.

11. Dr Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Marvel continue the post Endgame trait of seemingly giving their directors more freedom and Sam Rami's signature is all over this sequel. Plays out more like a Terminator film as the heros are perused by an unstoppable force. Wastes some time trying to build sympathy for a villain that really doesn't deserve any but one of the more interesting Marvel films.

10. Ambulance

Two brothers trapped in an ambulance after a heist gone wrong sounds like the set up for a tight low key thriller. For Michael Bay it's a signal to blow more stuff up. It's one of his most entertaining films in years even though it misses about three opertunities to end better than it does.

9. Uncharted

First of two decent video game adaptations this year, who'd have thought. Tom Holland continues his journey to full on leading man status and Mark Wahlberg is a good foil as his older, more cynical mentor. It might be an inferior Indiana Jones knock off but there isn't much wrong with that.

8. Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Goofy humour for the kids, old video game references for the adults, Jim Carrey for everybody. Not every gag or story beat lands but its refreshing to see an action film aimed squarely at kids with none of the snark and cynicism of a Marvel movie. You'd need to be pretty miserable not to find any of this fun.

7. X

Essentially a 70's grindhouse flick with arthouse sensibilities. Might be a bit slow to get going for some fright fans and too gruesome for those who like more subtle horror but if you stick with it you'll see one of the best and most unique slasher films of recent years.

6. The Batman

By not shying away from the problems posed by a rich guy who thinks beating up the desperate is the best way to stop crime Matt Reeves and Robert Pattinson manage to find a new take on the titular character, an impressive feat in 2022. Its long but unlike most lengthy blockbusters the third act doesn't suck so you don't feel your time has been wasted.

5. Top Gun Maverick

80's classics getting dusted off for a modern retread don't have a great record and the chest thumping triumphalism of Top Gun should make it one of the hardest to bring up to date. Incredibly Maverick manages to nail the spirit of the original while adding just enough modern sensibilities and the necessary drop of melancholy. Better than it has any right to be.

4. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

An absolute must watch for Nicolas Cage fans but we'll worth checking out for everybody. You get several different flavours of Cage as he both pays homage to and pokes fun at his legend. A weak action ending is a slight letdown after the masterful character work that has gone before but it scarcely matters when Nic is on top form.

3. The Northman

What do you get when you give $90 million to a history and folklore obsessed autuer indy director? Apparently the answer is a blood soaked epic revenge tale based on a pre-Shakespearian Norse legend. It can be grim at times but is outstandingly shot and acted by people at the top of their game. Director River Eggers apparently disliked how much the studio interfered but the result is his most accessible (although not best) film to date.

2. Nightmare Alley

Bradley Cooper should be too old to play an upstart con man just beginning to try his luck as a carny but he has enough charisma that it doesn't matter and turns in his best ever performance. Del Toro's vision turns what could almost be a TV movie plot into an atmospheric must see. When you have the like of Toni Collette ane Willem Dafoe in supporting roles you know you have quality on your hands.

1. Everything Everywhere All at Once

Michelle Yeoh must deal with a tax inspection, build bridges with family members and save all of existence. You don't want to know any more than that before you watch one of the outstanding cinematic achievements of recent years. You'll gasp, you'll laugh, you'll cry. If you only watch one multiverse movie this year (or possibly ever) make sure it's this one.

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You Must Walk 500 Miles

As far as descriptive titles go, The Long Walk nails it. In an undefined near future, a bunch of teenage boys compete to see who can walk the farthest, with riches and a wish of their choice the reward for the last one standing. The catch? There is only one winner and if you stop, or drop below the allotted 3-mile-an-hour pace, you get shot. As if that wasn't bad enough, they have to march under the watchful eye of Mark Hamill's "Major", a military hard ass who, in the time-honoured tradition of old men sending young men to their deaths, constantly barks platitudes about how brave and noble the competitors are while clearly not giving a toss about them. Given the nature of the film, it's something of an ensemble piece, with a glut of young actors you'll recognise, but the main focus is on Ray (Cooper Hoffman) and Pete (David Jonsson). While a level of camaraderie emerges between many of the boys, it is the friendship between these two that forms the core of ...

Can I Pet That Dog

Good Boy sees a man called Todd move into his grandfather's old house in the woods to convalesce from a serious lung condition. Unfortunately, his peace is interrupted by a series of creepy events. It is unclear how much of what is happening is due to the supposedly cursed nature of the house and how much is to do with a relapse of his illness. Standard horror stuff, apart from the fact the entire film is told from the point of view of Todd's faithful companion, a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever named Indy. On paper, a mostly dialogue free horror movie is a risky move, as evidenced by last year's "In a Violent Nature" (a slasher movie shown from the point of view of the wordless killer). Good Boy though has one massive advantage over that movie; instead of spending an hour odd staring at someone's back, we are looking at an adorable dog. And debut director Ben Leonberg really makes the most of his star attraction, who just so happens to be his own real ...

Don't be a Stranger

The Strangers: Chapter 2 skulks into cinemas a little over a year after the underwhelming Chapter 1. While this is, probably, a little better than last year's instalment it still doesn't feel like a worthwhile use of anyone's time. It very much is a "chapter 2" situation rather than a sequel. Events pick up directly after the finale of the last film and end on a cliffhanger, with the already filmed third set to finish the story. Quite why this approach was taken is a mystery, as there isn't anything deeper or more expansive going on than what could easily fit inside a ninety minute slasher movie. We open with the local diner learning that one half of the stalked couple, Maya (Madelaine Petsch), survived being stabbed. We then cut to her in a hospital with no other patients and about two members of staff, both of whom soon disappear so that Maya can be stalked by the masked "strangers". That is pretty much the movie. Maya is chased, escapes, there i...

The Family That Fights Ghosts Together..

The Conjuring: Last Rites is the fourth instalment in the blockbuster horror franchise and picks up five years after the previous entry, with Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) now retired from the paranormal investigation game. When a spooky mirror from their past remerges, they, along with now adult daughter Judy (Mia Tomlinson), find they may have no choice but to get their ghost busting on one last time. So, the main problem with The Conjuring movies, has always been the "based on a true story" aspect of their presentation. Sure, Ed and Lorraine were indeed really people and they did in fact investigate claims of paranormal activity. Unlike their film counterparts however, they are well known to have been a couple of frauds. To begin with, this wasn't much of an issue, as horror films loosely (read: not really at all) based on true stories are common, but as the franchise progresses, and the Warrens are painted as more and more heroic, it becom...

Fortune Favours the Rich

For a comedy, Good Fortune paints one hell of a bleak (and therefore, let's be honest, probably accurate) picture of the current iteration of the American Dream. Money begets money and a life of cold plunges, ridiculously expensive watches and "business meetings" that consist of all expenses paid meals with your mates. Meanwhile, hard work begets nothing but more hard work in a gig economy not even an Angel can help you navigate. Said Angel is Keanu Reeves's Gabriel, a small winged minor deity who is in charge of preventing people from crashing as a result of texting while driving. He is desperate to make a more meaningful impact so, against the instruction of his boss, he decides to try and save a lost soul. He spots Arj (Aziz Ansari), a down on his luck, wannabe documentary maker, scraping by doing odd jobs via apps and sleeping in his car. When Arj is fired by wealthy tech bro Jeff for using the company credit card, he hits rock bottom and Gabriel attempts to inspi...

There Can Only be One

Trailers for Him had Jordan Peele's name slapped all over them, which is understandable from a marketing point of view. In reality it is simply produced by the"Get Out" directors company, Monkeypaw Productions. It is actually directed by Justin Tipping, from a script he co-wrote with Skip Bronkie and Zak Akers. The prevalence of Peele's name in the advertising means the film is bound to draw unflattering comparisons with his own work, which is a shame as the film has its own merits. Cameron "Cam" Cade (Tyriq Withers) grew up idolising Isaiah White (Marlon Wayans), star quarterback of the San Antonio Saviours. When White suffers a grisly injury during the Super Bowl, Cade's father tells the young fan that real men like his idol make sacrifices for greatness. Fast forward about a decade and a half and Cam is about to be drafted to the NFL, where he is tipped as a potential challenger to White's "Greatest Of All Time" status. When a mascot in ...

Fight For Your Right

The debate about the "Great American Novel" (a book that encapsulates the spirit and character of the United States) continues to rage. While One Battle After Another is loosely inspired by a book (Thomas Pynchon's Vineland), it feels like Paul Thomas Anderson's second stab, after "There Will Be Blood", at crafting the Great American Movie. This is a very different beast to his 2007 masterpiece, both in setting and tone, but is just as epic and wide reaching in its own way. Perfidia Beverly Hills (Teyana Taylor) is the leader of militant revolutionary group "The French 75" and her partner Pat Calhoun (Leonardo DiCaprio) is the team explosive expert. The movie opens with the self-styled freedom fighters breaking a bunch of detained immigrants out of a holding camp. This brings them into the crosshairs of Colonel Stephen J. Lockjaw who begins pursuing the group. After being arrested, Perfidia disappears, leaving Pat to raise their baby daughter in hi...

Econ Air

Single location thriller Flight Risk is the latest film to suffer from an "over eager" trailer. That is to say, the trailer covers pretty much everything that happens in the movie, more or less in the exact order it occurs. On the plus side, it isn't a film that was ever going to keep any secrets so it doesn't suffer as much as some others have. FBI agent Madelyn Harris (Michelle Dockery) takes a flight with informant Winston (Topher Grace) but a short way into their journey they discover the pilot, played by Mark Wahlberg, is actually a mob hitman there to end them both before Winston can squeal. There is a brief opening at an Alaskan cabin and the finale is on a runway, but for the most part it's just the three of them in the cabin of a small plain. Events unfold almost like a theatrical play as the three talk and argue with intermittent attempts at murder. The main thing to know about Flight Risk is that it is ridiculous. The decisions the characters make a...

Man About Town

Caught Stealing is not your typical Darren Aronofsky film. More playful and less mired misery, it feels like the director having a stab at a Guy Ritchie-esque caper around late 90's Manhattan. For the most part, it works. Austin Butler is Henry "Hank" Thompson, a New York bartender and former baseball prodigy. When he and girlfriend Yvonne (Zoe Kravitz) are asked to keep an eye on Hank's neighbours cat, they end up in the crosshairs of Russian gangsters, Yiddish hitmen and "concerned" cops. This may be more playful in tone than his usual fare, but this is still an Aronofsky film, so Hank is a man with an obsession, in this case baseball. His devotion to his beloved San Francisco Giants dictates his mood and is the foundation of his relationship with his equally obsessed mother, whom he calls every day to discuss their prospects with. Unfortunately, his enthusiasm is intrinsically linked to his own cut-short ball career and the ghost of what could have been...

Honey Doesn't

Honey Don't is the second film from the director/writer team-up of Ethan (one half of the brothers) Coen and his wife Tricia Cook. Like their previous effort, "Drive Away Dolls", it is wonderfully queer but lacks any of the sharpness and precise pacing that typifies a classic Coen brothers movie. Margaret Qualley is Honey O'Donahue (a name you will hear spoken a LOT over the course of the film), a private investigator in Bakersfield. She is essentially a classic noir gumshoe detective transported to sun-bleached, modern-day California. After a would-be-client dies, Honey begins an investigation that has her cross paths with Chris Evans's skeezy preacher and the mysterious French woman who represents his business partners. She is also attempting to provide support to her sister, who has a small army of children, including an eldest daughter who she is constantly at loggerheads with. All while working her way through the lesbian population of town, including embarki...

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