Uncomfortably (Ve)Numb

Despite his somehow enduring popularity, Venom is a conceptually rubbish character. He is born of a period in comics when publishers wanted to make their child friendly characters edgy and Spiderman media, be it comics, films, games or whatever else, tends to get worse whenever he shows up. "Kind of like the good guy but bad" is one of the most boring villain types to begin with and no writer has ever come up with anything interesting enough to make him deserve his top billing amongst the wall crawlers stacked rogues gallery. The previous two films managed to (somewhat) sidestep the blandness of the IP by hiring a great actor in Tom Hardy and letting him do Jim Carrey style physical comedy mixed with a heart felt love story between a man and his super powered alien parasite. Given it is the last in last in the trilogy, Venom : The Last Dance really wants to have epic stakes and emotional resonance, leaving little room for the things that made the first two movies watchable. Unfortunately it doesn't come close to nailing what it wants either.

The plot is as generic as we have come to expect of this franchise but with extra stupid. Hardy's Eddie Brock is drunk down in Mexico when he finds out he is wanted for murder following the showdown at the end of the last film and decides to head for New York, where he knows a judge who might be able to magically clear his name. Meanwhile, somewhere in a video game cutscene from the early 2000's, Knull, maker of the symbiotes (who are now good guys in complete contradiction of the first film), sits imprisoned by his creations for wanting to end the universe. To escape, he needs the creatively named "codex" which Eddie/Venom has because it's created when a symbiote's host dies and the symbiote brings them back to life. Who designed this flawed prison system is unclear but it handily sets up the stakes that either Eddie or Venom must die for the codex to be destroyed. The third interested party is a mysterious government agency based at Area 51, who have a bunch of symbiotes in jars that they are trying to bond to humans and want to capture our heroes. The film plays out as Eddie tries to make it to New York while being pursued by a generic monster sent by Knull and Ejiofor's generic mercenary unit.

Not that the writers need the plot to set up the events they want, they just jam them in there. Want a fight on top of plane? Just make Venom decide that hanging off the side of a passenger jet is an inconspicuous way to travel. Want Tom looking hot in a suit? Let's have him go to a casino. Want some Mrs Chen from the other movies? Have her randomly be in Las Vegas. The monster chasing the duo can only see that they are its target when they are in full symbiote mode so in order for them to ever be in danger they have to just choose to be. Add in some outrageously on the nose dialogue and the script feels distinctly underbaked. As in the previous movies, the effects are solid but not particularly imaginative which is a shame since with a bit more visual flair the final act showdown would have felt a lot more worthwhile.

There are some good spots here. Tom Hardy is still Tom Hardy and there is some humour in the clash of Eddie's increasingly schlubby and downbeat demeanour and Venom's childlike over exuberance. Rhys Ifans is kind of fun as a UFO obsessive taking his family to see Area 51 and it's always good to see Stephen Graham, even if he must be wondering why he bothered coming back. Events even get a little emotional, until they are hammered to the point of parody.

Given the series used its villain trump card in the last film, Venom: The Last Dance was always going to struggle to close out the trilogy on a high, but the stakes here are weak with the introduction of a truly absymal "big bad" who is going to need some serious reworking if Sony want to use him in the threatened Sinister Six movie. First time director Kelly Marcel doesn't really do anything wrong, the direction is on par with the other two movies, she just can't solve the fundamental problem of finding something interesting for this character to do.

5 never spoken about again dimensional hops out of 10.

Comments

Husband and Strife

If the purpose of cinema is to make the audience feel something, then few films succeed as completely as The Drama. The fact that said feeling is one of wanting to curl up and die of awkwardness shouldn't even be taken as a warning. Like a masochist munching down on a giant bowl of ghost peppers, you will likely find every bite delicious. Robert Pattinson and Zendaya play soon to be married couple Charlie and Emma. They have the picture perfect relationship. They have successful jobs, a beautiful Boston apartment and look like Zendaya and Robert Pattinson. Little differences in their attitudes toward a wedding dance rehearsal and their potentially drug smoking DJ hint they may not be completely on the same page, and when a drunken game leads to Emma disclosing something from her past, their relationship experiences some severe turbulence. It's tricky to fully discuss The Drama without spoiling Emma's revelation (and it absolutely should not be spoiled), but it points to ...

Whisky in the Jar

Glenrothan has been sold as "a love letter to Scotland" and given that it features two of Scotland's most accomplished actors, whisky, folk music and stunning landscape shots, it's hard to argue. Is it anything more than that? Not really, but maybe that's OK. Alan Cumming and Brian Cox (who also directs) are Donal and Sandy Nairn, estranged brothers and heirs to a beloved whisky distillery. Growing up, big brother Sandy was desperate to leave their idyllic village and its distillery behind, while Donal wanted to be nowhere else. Family issues resulted in them both leading the life that the other used to dream of, as Donal left for America and Sandy took over the family business when their father's health began to fail. When his blues bar burns down, Donal makes his first trip back to Scotland in forty years, accompanying his daughter and granddaughter to visit his ailing brother. A quick look at the trailer tells you everything you need to know about Glenroth...

Listening to the Sounds in Silence

The tagline for breakout indie horror hit Undertone is, "The Scariest Movie You'll Ever Hear". This declaration sets out the film's stall as a uniquely audio based horror, and that is exactly what it delivers. The result is something that will chill some people to the bone and leave others falling asleep in their seats. Originally made for a meagre $500,000, the film takes place entirely in one location (director Ian Tuason's childhood home) and centres on podcaster Ivy, played with impressive range by Nina Kiri. Ivy is caring for her dying mother (the only other person who appears onscreen) so has to wait until the early hours of the morning to record her paranormal podcast with friend Justin (the voice of Adam DiMarco). She plays the role of sceptic to Justin's believer but her rationality is tested when her cohost begins playing some eerie audio files he received from an anonymous listener. Although Undertone isn't a found footage film, it very much t...

Fight For Your Right

The debate about the "Great American Novel" (a book that encapsulates the spirit and character of the United States) continues to rage. While One Battle After Another is loosely inspired by a book (Thomas Pynchon's Vineland), it feels like Paul Thomas Anderson's second stab, after "There Will Be Blood", at crafting the Great American Movie. This is a very different beast to his 2007 masterpiece, both in setting and tone, but is just as epic and wide reaching in its own way. Perfidia Beverly Hills (Teyana Taylor) is the leader of militant revolutionary group "The French 75" and her partner Pat Calhoun (Leonardo DiCaprio) is the team explosive expert. The movie opens with the self-styled freedom fighters breaking a bunch of detained immigrants out of a holding camp. This brings them into the crosshairs of Colonel Stephen J. Lockjaw who begins pursuing the group. After being arrested, Perfidia disappears, leaving Pat to raise their baby daughter in hi...

Fifty Shades of Chrononberg

If you've been missing pure David Chrononberg then Crimes of the Future has you covered. It has the lot; body mutilation, main character undergoing a metamorphosis, questions about what defines being human, integrity of the mind, the collision of different world views and pretty much every other recurring theme of his is present and correct. So needless to say, it isn't for everyone. The film takes place in the (possibly near) future, when most humans have evolved to no longer feel pain and in some cases grow mysterious new organs. Viggo Maortensen and Lea Seydoux play a pair of performance artists whose act revolves around removing Mortensen's excess organs in front of a live crowd. Fittingly, given its focus on artits, the film takes place in the orbit of the protagonists with little shown of the world at large. Everything is dingy and grimey, hinting things aren't going swimmingly, and there are vaugue hints at ecological disaster but the characters are all far mor...

2023 So Far

Loose ranking of everything I saw in the cinema during the first 6 months of 2023. Let's just pretend it isn't a month late. 23. The Enforcer Antonio Banderas does little enforcing in this weak thriller. One dimensional characters, laughable dialogue and an aimless plot make this a waste of everyone's time. May The Enforcer not be with you. 22. John Wick Chapter 4 Features another great physical performance from Keanu Reeves but not even he can overcome the twin threats of bloated runtime and expanded universe nonsense. There's the odd fun set piece but people rolling around shooting guns doesn't need to last nearly 3 hours. 21. Transformers : Rise of the Beasts After the clean slate of 2018 's Bumblebee, Rise of the Beasts takes a u-turn back towards the motorway pile up of the Micheal Bay days. Not as much of a mess As "Rise of the Extinction Samurai Knight Moon" (I'm sure that was the name of one of them), since you can actually f...

Infinity Cruel

Infinity Pool is first and foremost a critique of the kind of people who go to gated luxury resorts, the ones that have armed guards to keep away the impoverished locals. Therefore everyone here is disgusting. Uber handsome Alexander Skarsgard is a loser writer who spends most of the film sweating and dishevelled, Mia Goth goes from alluring to screeching alcaholic state, Thomas Kretchmann's local detective hates the entitled holiday makers but is happy to enable their explotation of his countrymen for financial gain. Pretty much everyone is morally bankrupt. This does create the slight problem of having nobody to get behind but that isn't really the point and this isn't the place you would find heroes. The plot revolves around an outrageous piece of (maybe) technology unique to the unamed country the film is set in. How a seemingly underdeveloped land came to posses such a thing is never really explored and neither are the ramifications of its existence beyond how they pe...

Hell to Pay

They Will Kill You begins with a soaking wet Zazie Beetz waiting to start her maid job at swanky apartment building, The Virgil. Her character Asia is a former convict who has no idea her new employers are devil worshipers who sacrifice their staff to Lucifer. The building residents have no idea that Asia is actually there for reasons other than a steady paycheque and is not about to go gently into that good night. The touch paper is soon lit on a relentless blend of slapstick horror action that leaves little room for you to catch your breath across its ninety minute odd runtime. The most obvious comparison here is to 2019's Ready or Not and its sequel (which coincidentally released one week before this film), where an unsuspecting bride is left fighting for her life when her wealthy in-laws opt to make her a human sacrifice. While They Will Kill You shares that movie's comedic spirit we are much deeper into supernatural territory here. The grand old building and seemingly ...

Summer of Discontent

Unlike say, Final Destination, I Know What You Did Last Summer is not an idea ripe for remakes and sequels. Once you've told the story of a group of people leaving someone for dead, only to be hunted down a year later in grizzly revenge, there isn't really anywhere else to go while sticking close enough to the formulae to warrant being a successor. Its not a major surprise then that this sequel to the 1997 movie of the same name does little more than tread most of the same water as its precursor while trying to reference and acknowledge the original at every opportunity. This time round, the central cast are a little older than the high school graduates of 97 but still act like teenagers. Some of the clunkiest exposition dialogue of recent memory attempts to fill out their back stories but you're left with a group of characters you can't wait to watch die. This would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that, for most of the runtime, the inept hook wielding killer ...

Weightwatchers Extreme

The Cut is a boxing movie with (apart from a brief opening sequence) no boxing in it. Instead it focuses on the equally brutal, but less visibly part of the sport, weight loss, as a former contender spirals into madness while trying to shed an insane amount of heft in order to secure a last minute return to the big time. Orlando Bloom is a boxer (he is never named during the film) who lost his one title shot and now runs a gym with his partner and trainer Caitlin (Catriona Balfe). He retains a reputation for being an exciting knockout specialist so when a title contender dies weeks before an upcoming Las Vegas showdown, scary promoter Donny (Gary Beadle) offers him the chance of a glamorous comeback. The catch? He needs to shed thirty two pounds (over two stone or fourteen kilos) in a week. Caitlin agrees to him giving it a go provided they do things by the book, but when traditional methods fail, John Turturro's Boz enters the equation and pushes Bloom way beyond the bounds of w...

Dan Says its Alright

Search This Blog