Horoscopes and Horror Tropes

Catching a film like Tarot in the cinema in 2024 is weird. It feels like one of those horror films that just sort of appear on a streaming service. One you find deep in bowels of Amazon Prime, take a chance on and are pleasantly surprised to find is more or less fine. Up on the big screen it's still fine but its shortcomings are made very apparent.

To its credit the film wastes no time in getting to the point. It begins with seven friends in a mansion they rented for one of their birthdays and within the first ten minutes main character Haley has read the group their fortunes from a cursed deck of tarot cards they find in the basement. Once they return home the friends begin to be picked off one by one courtesy of a ghost/monster taking the shape of whichever card was drawn in their reading. Exactly how they kill them is a bit muddled, at first it seems they are scaring their victims into "Final Destination" ing themselves but at other times they become more hands (or saws) on.

This lack of clarity runs throughout the film. Tarot cards are great for ominous sounding names and creepy pictures but beyond that the film makers seem far more interested in zodiac signs so invent a weird mythology where the combination of tarot and horoscope is some sort of super magic. This way they don't have to waste time with character build up and can just assign each character their star sign as personality. Thumbs up for efficiency but it doesn't exactly have you routing for the casts survival, especially with the inane filler dialogue they spout anytime they aren't filling the audience in on exactly what is happening. In fact it's downright disappointing anytime one of them doesn't die. The one exception being Paxton, purely because he is played by Jacob Balton (Ned in the MCU Spiderman films) and his inherent likability has you wanting him to stick around.

Looking forward to characters dying isn't necessarily an issue for a horror film but there aren't enough kills, and they aren't inventive enough to be enjoyable. Tarot is entry level horror so nothing too scary occurs and there isn't any gore, not a problem in itself but when you have a whole deck of cards to inspire the kills someone running in front of a train doesn't really cut it. The feeling of being underwhelmed is reinforced by an air of cheapness. Apart from a brief chat with a cop the seven characters are completely alone, wandering empty streets and corridors. This could be a stylistic choice but combined with the terminally dull lighting it feels like a budget squeeze.

The good things to say about Tarot are that it's competently made and at close to ninety minutes dead on it doesn't take up too much of your time. Compared to some other bargain bin horror out their that's close to a recommendation but it feels made for TV, not the big screen.

5 "this decks kinda strange"s out of 10.

Comments

Predator Chadlands

After revitalising the Predator franchise with 2022's Prey, director Dan Trachtenberg brings us a very different take on the extraterrestrial big game hunter. In Predator: Badlands , the titular monster is the main character. Considering how terrible that premise could have been, we actually end up with a decent action adventure movie. Our protagonist is Dek, a Yautja (the species name of the Predators) who is considered something of a runt. Such a runt in fact, that his dad wants to kill him for being a pitiful disgrace to the clan. After his brother saves him, he makes his way to "the Death Planet" Genna to hunt a supposedly unkillable monster in order to show his father who is boss and force the rest of the clan to put some respect on his name. When he gets there he discovers that, not only is all the wildlife deadly, but Weyland-Yutani ( yes, the evil corporation from Alien) have sent a bunch of synths there to collect and weaponise his prospective trophy. He forms an...

I Dunno Boss

Despite his enduring fame, Bruce Springsteen is not an obvious choice for a biopic subject. A lack of any outward demons means the usual life story treatment might have been a bit of Sunday morning stroll. The solution Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere comes up with is to focus in a particular point in his life in 1981, when, on the verge of mega stardom, he has to reckon with creative and mental health struggles. It's fitting that we focus on a point in his life when Bruce is trying to find who he wants to be, as the film itself is pretty indecisive. Coming off a successful tour, Bruce (Jeremy Allen White) struggles to adjust to the downtime. When neither a return to his humble hometown nor the purchase of a fancy new car making him feel any better, he gets back to making music, using a four-track recorder to turn his bedroom into a makeshift studio. The music he makes eventually becomes the album "Nebraska", a tonal shift he is determined to pursue, even as his man...

Guns and Cardio

The Running Man is a remake of the 1987's Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle. Except it isn't really. It's actually a different, far more faithful, interpretation of the Stephen King story. That said, it's exactly what you would expect from a modern adaptation of an '80s cult classic; slicker, with more emphasis on the message, but much less personality and therefore destined to be forgotten far quicker. Written under the pseudonym Richard Bachman, King's 1982 novel is set in a dystopian 2025 where "The Network" is not just in charge of TV, but essentially run the United States and have turned the country into an authoritarian surveillance state where a small percentage of people are uber-wealthy, and everyone else struggles to afford even basic medicine. The film does away with the year, since the idea of people living like that in 2025 is so ridiculous. Enter Glenn Powell as family man Ben Richards. He may live in a hellscape but old Ben doesn't do ...

The Truth is Down There

Bugonia is the fourth (fifth if you count 2022 short film Bleat) collaboration between director Yorgos Lanthimos and star Emma Stone. It's unlikely to trouble the Oscars in the way The Favourite or Poor Things did, but we still have an entertainingly unhinged fable on our hands. Stone plays Michelle Fuller, CEO of pharmaceutical company Auxolith. Shortly after the title card, we see her continually fluff a video she is recording on corporate inclusivity, bristling at the continued use of the word "diversity". She then instructs her assistant to draft an e-mail telling employees they are no longer required to remain in the office beyond 5.30. Unless they have work to do. Unbelievably, this pesticide-spreading, corporate lip-service-paying, business shark will soon cut a sympathetic figure. That's because she is about to be abducted and held captive by conspiracy nut Teddy Katz (Jessie Plemons) and his intellectually disabled cousin Don (Aidan Delbis). We have alread...

Raising the Roof?

Roofman is the media given name of real-life army veteran and serial McDonald's robber, Jeffrey Manchester, played here by Channing Tatum. Using his special talent for noticing patterns and routine, he burgled over 40 of the fast food chain's restaurants while gaining a reputation for being a polite thief. In an early scene we see him give a store manager his coat as he apologetically forces the staff into a freezer. Gentleman criminal or not, he stole a lot of corporate money, so when the police finally finger him for a single job he is sent down for forty-five years on trumped up kidnapping charges. In prison, his skills kick into gear again and he escapes on a delivery truck. Needing to lie low until his buddy can sort him out with a fake passport, he takes up residence in a Toys "R" Us for six months. Despite warnings he can't help but get involved in the lives of the people he watches on CCTV, particularly good-hearted single mum Leigh (Kirsten Dunst). To be...

From Little Acorns

Shelby Oaks is the result of the most successful ever horror movie Kickstarter campaign. Helmed by popular YouTube critic Chris Stuckmann, it is positioned as a fright flick "for fans, by fans". While it isn't the obnoxious disaster such a mission statement could have led to, and actually shows a fair amount of promise, it does end up feeling like an homage to better films. The film opens as a mockumentary detailing the disappearance of a group of ghost hunting YouTubers called the Paranormal Paranoids. It then appears we are dealing with a found footage movie when, twelve years on from the disappearance, Mia (Camille Sullivan) watches creepy footage of her sister Riley (Sarah Durn) who was the Paranoids' on camera psychic. Turns out the film is neither of these things but more of an occult mystery as Mia follows the clues to find her missing sister whom she is sure is still alive. As you can imagine, a film that begins with two fake out beginnings is a little mudd...

I Hate You So Much Right Now

Die My Love opens with a fixed camera observing a couple exploring their new house. This voyeuristic introduction sets up the isolated home as a character in its own right and gives the impression you are about to watch a horror film. In a way, you are. The couple are new mum Grace, played by Jennifer Lawrence, and her partner Jackson (Robert Pattinson), who inherited the house from his late uncle. Although they are playful with each other while checking out their new home, once they move in it becomes clear they have some major problems. Grace stalks through the grass on all fours, hiding from Jackson and a star gazing session foreshadows a fundamental difference in the way they feel about life and their situation. The cosmos makes her feel insignificant while he is thrilled at the thought of being part of something larger. As time goes on, Grace feels more and more isolated, while Jackson is either physically or emotionally absent, and her behaviour becomes increasingly erratic...

Econ Air

Single location thriller Flight Risk is the latest film to suffer from an "over eager" trailer. That is to say, the trailer covers pretty much everything that happens in the movie, more or less in the exact order it occurs. On the plus side, it isn't a film that was ever going to keep any secrets so it doesn't suffer as much as some others have. FBI agent Madelyn Harris (Michelle Dockery) takes a flight with informant Winston (Topher Grace) but a short way into their journey they discover the pilot, played by Mark Wahlberg, is actually a mob hitman there to end them both before Winston can squeal. There is a brief opening at an Alaskan cabin and the finale is on a runway, but for the most part it's just the three of them in the cabin of a small plain. Events unfold almost like a theatrical play as the three talk and argue with intermittent attempts at murder. The main thing to know about Flight Risk is that it is ridiculous. The decisions the characters make a...

Can I Pet That Dog

Good Boy sees a man called Todd move into his grandfather's old house in the woods to convalesce from a serious lung condition. Unfortunately, his peace is interrupted by a series of creepy events. It is unclear how much of what is happening is due to the supposedly cursed nature of the house and how much is to do with a relapse of his illness. Standard horror stuff, apart from the fact the entire film is told from the point of view of Todd's faithful companion, a Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever named Indy. On paper, a mostly dialogue free horror movie is a risky move, as evidenced by last year's "In a Violent Nature" (a slasher movie shown from the point of view of the wordless killer). Good Boy though has one massive advantage over that movie; instead of spending an hour odd staring at someone's back, we are looking at an adorable dog. And debut director Ben Leonberg really makes the most of his star attraction, who just so happens to be his own real ...

There Can Only be One

Trailers for Him had Jordan Peele's name slapped all over them, which is understandable from a marketing point of view. In reality it is simply produced by the"Get Out" directors company, Monkeypaw Productions. It is actually directed by Justin Tipping, from a script he co-wrote with Skip Bronkie and Zak Akers. The prevalence of Peele's name in the advertising means the film is bound to draw unflattering comparisons with his own work, which is a shame as the film has its own merits. Cameron "Cam" Cade (Tyriq Withers) grew up idolising Isaiah White (Marlon Wayans), star quarterback of the San Antonio Saviours. When White suffers a grisly injury during the Super Bowl, Cade's father tells the young fan that real men like his idol make sacrifices for greatness. Fast forward about a decade and a half and Cam is about to be drafted to the NFL, where he is tipped as a potential challenger to White's "Greatest Of All Time" status. When a mascot in ...

Dan Says its Alright

Search This Blog