Skip to main content

They Did the Monster Mash

 


Godzilla X Kong : The New Empire may sound like erotic fan fiction written by a Kaiju obsessive but its actually the 5th instalment in a decade spanning (how time flies) franchise. 2014's Godzilla finally brought the legendary lizard to Hollywood in a way that wasn't a complete embarrassment but struggled to marry the disparate parts of family drama and giant monster smackdown. Skull Island was a fun mystery island adventure. King of the Monsters went for epic, end of the world monster stakes and Godzilla vs Kong leaned into the silliness of it all. This film takes the ridiculousness of its predecessor and runs with it. And runs and runs.

The plot, such as it is, involves a villainous giant ape named The Skar King imprisoned in the Hollow Earth attempting to conquer the surface world. Don't worry if that sounds like a bit of an underwhelming opponent for Big G, the nefarious simian has an ace up his sleeve. There are plenty of other big monsters for our titular duo to throw hands with and an undiscovered civilisation for the human characters to interact with. In terms of story its up there with the most batshit of the Toho movies but where those films just let the audience accept the wacky, Godzilla X Kong spends a little too long trying to justify itself.

More than any other of the Monsterverse entries the titular monsters really are the main characters of the film, or more specifically King Kong is. While the pair are both basically superheroes here, Godzilla is the powerful wildcard to Kong's leading man. Its the natural decision given the ease with which human characteristics can be applied to a big ape and director Adam Wingard leans hard on this angle. Whether he's wincing with tooth ache or swaggering through the jungle with his chest puffed out like a multi-storey chad, Kong is, for all intents and purposes, a giant, really strong human being. Likewise, Skar King smirks and laughs his way through his screen time and scenes with him, Kong and any other apes play out like wordless human interactions.

With the giants able to convey the movie's emotions it doesn't leave the human cast with much to do beside take on the role of comedy relief. The always likeable Brian Tyree Henry returns as monster podcaster Bernie and he is joined by Dan Stevens, proving once again he is one of Hollywoods most underrated stars as he brings the most laughs playing a zany adventurer/kaiju vet. There's also a fun turn from Alex Ferns, most known in the UK for his role as abusive Eastenders husband Trevor some twenty odd years ago. The "serious" acting is left to Rebecca Hall, returning as Kong expert Dr Ilene Andrews. This means that while everyone else is horsing around she's stuck delivering exposition and making sure we know she really cares about her adopted daughter. Hall is up to the task and sells it all gamely but there's no escaping the fact it feels like she is in a completely different film.

Realistically, any time a person is on screen they're just filling time until the next monster fight. The beast on beast violence comes thick and fast and while a couple of the encounters are disappointingly short or happen mainly off screen, the ones that deliver really deliver. The sense of scale the earlier movies had is diminished by the hallow earth setting and light on their feet monsters but in its place is some insanely innovative superhero fighting. The final 4-way showdown begins in hollow earth zero gravity before  exploding onto the surface world as the massive combatants unleash fists, teeth, whips, axes, power gloves and deadly breath rays on each other in a crowd pleasing smackdown that pays homage to the classics while taking the spectacle to a whole other level.

Godzilla X Kong plays to the bleachers with more or less every scene designed to either make you laugh or marvel at the action and while it isn't high art, it is, in its own way very innovative. Keep them coming please.

8 rotten titan canines removed out of 10.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Husband and Strife

If the purpose of cinema is to make the audience feel something, then few films succeed as completely as The Drama. The fact that said feeling is one of wanting to curl up and die of awkwardness shouldn't even be taken as a warning. Like a masochist munching down on a giant bowl of ghost peppers, you will likely find every bite delicious.  Robert Pattinson and Zendaya play soon to be married couple Charlie and Emma. They have the picture perfect relationship. They have successful jobs, a beautiful Boston apartment and look like Zendaya and Robert Pattinson. Little differences in their attitudes toward a wedding dance rehearsal and their potentially drug smoking DJ hint they may not be completely on the same page, and when a drunken game leads to Emma disclosing something from her past, their relationship experiences some severe turbulence.  It's tricky to fully discuss The Drama without spoiling Emma's revelation (and it absolutely should not be spoiled), but it points to ...

Whisky in the Jar

Glenrothan has been sold as "a love letter to Scotland" and given that it features two of Scotland's most accomplished actors, whisky, folk music and stunning landscape shots, it's hard to argue. Is it anything more than that? Not really, but maybe that's OK.  Alan Cumming and Brian Cox (who also directs) are Donal and Sandy Nairn, estranged brothers and heirs to a beloved whisky distillery. Growing up, big brother Sandy was desperate to leave their idyllic village and its distillery behind, while Donal wanted to be nowhere else. Family issues resulted in them both leading the life that the other used to dream of, as Donal left for America and Sandy took over the family business when their father's health began to fail. When his blues bar burns down, Donal makes his first trip back to Scotland in forty years, accompanying his daughter and granddaughter to visit his ailing brother. A quick look at the trailer tells you everything you need to know about Glenroth...

Listening to the Sounds in Silence

The tagline for breakout indie horror hit Undertone is, "The Scariest Movie You'll Ever Hear". This declaration sets out the film's stall as a uniquely audio based horror, and that is exactly what it delivers. The result is something that will chill some people to the bone and leave others falling asleep in their seats.  Originally made for a meagre $500,000, the film takes place entirely in one location (director Ian Tuason's childhood home) and centres on podcaster Ivy, played with impressive range by Nina Kiri. Ivy is caring for her dying mother (the only other person who appears onscreen) so has to wait until the early hours of the morning to record her paranormal podcast with friend Justin (the voice of Adam DiMarco). She plays the role of sceptic to Justin's believer but her rationality is tested when her cohost begins playing some eerie audio files he received from an anonymous listener. Although Undertone isn't a found footage film, it very much t...

Fight For Your Right

The debate about the "Great American Novel" (a book that encapsulates the spirit and character of the United States) continues to rage. While One Battle After Another is loosely inspired by a book (Thomas Pynchon's Vineland), it feels like Paul Thomas Anderson's second stab, after "There Will Be Blood", at crafting the Great American Movie. This is a very different beast to his 2007 masterpiece, both in setting and tone, but is just as epic and wide reaching in its own way. Perfidia Beverly Hills (Teyana Taylor) is the leader of militant revolutionary group "The French 75" and her partner Pat Calhoun (Leonardo DiCaprio) is the team explosive expert. The movie opens with the self-styled freedom fighters breaking a bunch of detained immigrants out of a holding camp. This brings them into the crosshairs of Colonel Stephen J. Lockjaw who begins pursuing the group. After being arrested, Perfidia disappears, leaving Pat to raise their baby daughter in hi...

Fifty Shades of Chrononberg

 If you've been missing pure  David Chrononberg then Crimes of the Future has you covered. It has the lot; body mutilation, main character undergoing a metamorphosis, questions about what defines being human, integrity of the mind, the collision of different world views and pretty much every other recurring theme of his is present and correct. So needless to say, it isn't for everyone. The film takes place in the (possibly near) future, when most humans have evolved to no longer feel pain and in some cases grow mysterious new organs. Viggo Maortensen and Lea Seydoux play a pair of performance artists whose act revolves around removing Mortensen's excess organs in front of a live crowd. Fittingly, given its focus on artits, the film takes place in the orbit of the protagonists with little shown of the world at large. Everything is dingy and grimey, hinting things aren't going swimmingly, and there are vaugue hints at ecological disaster but the characters are all far mor...

2023 So Far

 Loose ranking of everything I saw in the cinema during the first 6 months of 2023. Let's just pretend it isn't a month late.  23. The Enforcer Antonio Banderas does little enforcing in this weak thriller. One dimensional characters, laughable dialogue and an aimless plot make this a waste of everyone's time. May The Enforcer not be with you. 22. John Wick Chapter 4 Features another great physical performance from Keanu Reeves but not even he can overcome the twin threats of bloated runtime and expanded universe nonsense. There's the odd fun set piece but people rolling around shooting guns doesn't need to last nearly 3 hours. 21. Transformers : Rise of the Beasts After the clean slate of 2018 's Bumblebee, Rise of the Beasts takes a u-turn back towards the motorway pile up of the Micheal Bay days. Not as much of a mess As "Rise of the Extinction Samurai Knight Moon" (I'm sure that was the name of one of them), since you can actually f...

Infinity Cruel

 Infinity Pool is first and foremost a critique of the kind of people who go to gated luxury resorts, the ones that have armed guards to keep away the impoverished locals. Therefore everyone here is disgusting. Uber handsome Alexander Skarsgard is a loser writer who spends most of the film sweating and dishevelled, Mia Goth goes from alluring to screeching alcaholic state, Thomas Kretchmann's local detective hates the entitled holiday makers but is happy to enable their explotation of his countrymen for financial gain. Pretty much everyone is morally bankrupt. This does create the slight problem of having nobody to get behind but that isn't really the point and this isn't the place you would find heroes. The plot revolves around an outrageous piece of (maybe) technology unique to the unamed country the film is set in. How a seemingly underdeveloped land came to posses such a thing is never really explored and neither are the ramifications of its existence beyond how they pe...

Spooky Tresspaser

  The Women In The Yard marks the return of director Jaume Collet-Serra to his horror roots after years in the big budget action space. He puts some scary images together and gives a good cast a chance to shine but is let down by a fairly weak script. The film begins with struggling mum Ramona (Danielle Deadwyler) watching a video of her deceased husband. Struggling may be a bit of an understatement, the crash that took her husband also left her with a badly broken leg and she is stuck in a pit of despair so deep it has rendered her almost non-existent as a parent. Her son Taylor has essentially taken over looking after his little sister Annie, the food is running out and when the electricity goes off they have no means of contacting anyone. With tensions already frayed, things take a sinister turn as a mysterious and threatening figure in black appears in the garden, creeping slowly closer as the day drags on.  The titular woman in the yard is played with equal grace and mena...

Hell to Pay

  They Will Kill You  begins with a soaking wet Zazie Beetz waiting to start her maid job at swanky apartment building, The Virgil. Her character Asia is a former convict who has no idea her new employers are devil worshipers who sacrifice their staff to Lucifer. The building residents have no idea that Asia is actually there for reasons other than a steady paycheque and is not about to go gently into that good night. The touch paper is soon lit on a relentless blend of slapstick horror action that leaves little room for you to catch your breath across its ninety minute odd runtime. The most obvious comparison here is to 2019's Ready or Not and its sequel (which coincidentally released one week before this film), where an unsuspecting bride is left fighting for her life when her wealthy in-laws opt to make her a human sacrifice. While They Will Kill You shares that movie's comedic spirit we are much deeper into supernatural territory here. The grand old building and seemingly ...

2023 at the Cinema

  Its the start of a new year which means it's time to put some movies in their place. This is not a definitive list of the best films of 2023, only things I saw in the cinema are eligible (sorry Killers of the Flower Moon) so if you're wondering why your favourite/most hated flick isn't on here it's because I didn't see it on the big screen. Also, I reserve the right to have a completely different opinion about any and all of the entries in a weeks time. 50. The Enforcer Tedious, no action "thriller" about a criminal debt collector and his trainee street tough. Not sure if this snoozefest began with aspirations of being a no nonsense Taken clone or a serious redemption story but a plot driven by coincidence, awful dialogue and a 99 cents aesthetic make it feel like something from the depths of Amazon Prime rather than a cinema release. No idea how they wrangled Antonio Banderas into appearing in such a damp squib. 49. Saw X  After attempting a detective m...