(Web)Swing and a Miss

Is Madame Webb good? No. Is Madame Webb, as some of the reaction would have you believe, an ungodly affront to cinema that plums new depths in the comic book genre? No. Is it a bland and completely forgettable film that seems to have no purpose in existing aside from rights retention? Yes.

After a brief prologue in the Amazon the plot focuses on Cassandra Webb, a paramedic who develops the power to see into the future. The ability seems to be the result of a near death experience but are also related to a ritualistic spider bite received by her pregnant mother. I guess when you're Madam Webb a spider has to be involved somewhere. There's even an attempt spin her powers as spider related but its tenuous to say the least (she sees "the web that connects us all"??). Whatever the cause she powers up just in time as there are a trio of teenage girls about to be killed by an evil Spiderman because he too can see the future and knows they will one day off him after getting their own powers.

There is the kernel of a fun movie in here. An unstoppable killer pursuing the main characters Terminator style while Cassandra use her future vision to get them out of tight spots has the potential for some cool set pieces but the film wastes so much time doing nothing. There is a large part of proceedings dedicated to making sure the audience know this is Spiderman adjacent. Cassandra works with "uncle' Ben Parker, who just met a women he's really into and his sister in law is about to have a baby, there's even a scene where they tease the babies name. Its all very boring and, given we know it isn't going anywhere, completely pointless. Even once the we are up and running there are only a couple of underwhelming encounters with the baddie and the bonding between Cassie and the girls is perfunctory.

None of the cast do anything wrong but they aren't given much to work with. The three future spiderwomen are likeable enough but are stuck with generic teen personas, there's a science nerd, a rebel and one who is worried about being deported. Tahar Rahim is a top drawer actor but as villain Ezekiel Sims he's a walking cardboard cut out, his only characterisation being that he is motivated to kill the girls before they "destroy everything he has built". Aside from a swanky apartment and nice car it is never made clear exactly what it is he has built. Lead actress Dakota Johnson can, as anyone who has seen Fifty Shades of Grey will attest, sell some pretty limp dialogue but even she struggles at times here. Its a pity she's let down by the script as you get the feeling she could have been a natural blockbuster lead with some decent support.

For some reason this is also the longest film in Sony's No Spiderman Spiderman Universe at nearly two hours. A strange decision given there's so little plot. A little trimming of the fat and better set pieces and they would have had a passable superhero film, by current standards anyway, rather than the cultural punching bag Madam Webb has become. With all mention of their other properties removed from this movie it seems Sony really want everyone to forget about it as soon as possible. Shouldn't be too difficult to oblige them.

4 mothers researching spiders in the Amazon just before they died out of 10.

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