This Week at Home

The Nun 2 is a weak follow up to a weak film. Has a couple of somewhat interesting visual flourishes so is slightly better than it's predecessor but that is a subterranean bar to clear. Plot is pointless and exists only to fill time between the scares, which would be fine if said scares weren't so lame. The Conjuring franchise is seriously patchy but as long as even the rubbish entries keep bringing home the bacon we're gonna keep getting them.

The Players is a new Netflix rom-com, although it's light on both romance and comedy. Centres on a group of friends whose lives seemingly revolve around helping each other con people into sleeping with them. The lead character being female and one of the crew being bisexual doesn't cover the whiff of early 2000's, although it has neither the raunch or the banter of comedies of that era. What it does have is people in their late thirties talking like frat bros and being so unlikable you'll be annoyed they get the traditional rom-com happy ending.

Its third film lucky with the excellent The Outfit, an under appreciated 2022 period gangster thriller now on Netflix. The entire film is set inside a cutter (don't call him a tailor) shop as the owner has to use his whits to stay one step ahead of the mob goons who commandeer his place of business. Slow but tense with well placed twists the film is elevated by an outstanding performance from star Mark Rylance (is he ever anything else?). Maybe a reveal too many come the end but a great little film that deserves more attention.

Mission Impossible 2 is regarded as the black sheep of the franchise but I've always loved it. I mean its a John Woo film starring Tom Cruise, what's not great about that? Sure, going from the shadowy subterfuge of the first film to the bombastic, sun dappled explosions here is a bit jarring but being a product of their directors is what makes the MI films interesting and the combo of whooshing cameras, slow mo, doves and The Cruiser bicycle kicking people rocks. Add in the soundtrack and you have quintessential late 90's/ early 2000's.

Film of the week : The subtler The Outfit just beats out the loud Mission Impossible 2, mainly by virtue of being a first watch. The other two can get in the bin.

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Trouble in Paradise

Thanks to Evil Dead and Spider-Man, Sam Raimi will forever be associated with horror and superhero movies, but he has actually dipped his toe in many genres, from Westerns to sports movies. Send Help appears to be his twisted take on a rom-com. A good looking guy and an also good looking but awkward woman are stuck getting to know each other in a tropical paradise in a classic romance setup. In a slight break from tradition, proceedings are garnished with buckets of blood and puke and served with a side of black slapstick and maiming. Said couple is Rachel McAdams as super competent, but socially inept business strategist Linda, and Dylan O'Brien as Bradley, Linda's douchebag boss who passes her over for promotion as soon as he inherits daddy's company. When the private jet they are travelling in goes down they find themselves the only survivors as they await rescue from a remote island. Similarly to 2022's Triangle of Sadness, the power dynamics are completely shifted ...

Stand-Up and Deliver

Is This Thing On ? is inspired by the story of English comedian John Bishop, who attended a comedy open mic night while going through a divorce and went on to become a successful comedian and regular fixture on British television. The focus here, however, is not on an emerging comedy career but on the way finding a creative outlet gives the central character an injection of life and a new perspective on, and possibly a chance to save, his broken marriage. The premise is well executed but there isn't enough insight to prop up the threadbare story. Based on a UK comedian they may be, but events here are transported to New York. The film opens with Alex Novak (Will Arnett) looking lost at his kid's assembly before we witness him and wife Tess (Laura Dern) calmly decide to call time on their marriage. Feeling lonely (and broke) Alex signs up for an open mic spot in order to avoid paying the entrance and ends up diving headlong into the world of stand-up comedy, which ends up servin...

Gimme Shelter

The start of another year means it's time for the annual "Jason Statham is a retired killing machine trying to live a quiet life but being forced to start stacking obituaries" movie. The typically nondescript title of this year's offering is Shelter and Stath's former special forces badass is called Michael Mason. When the British government agency that he used to drop bodies for comes calling at his remote Scottish lighthouse he is forced to take action, something that is complicated by the presence of a young orphan girl named Jessie (Bodhi Rae Breathnach). While our protagonist and his reluctant charge tear across the countryside, Naomi Ackie (criminally underused here) and Bill Nighy (putting in just enough effort to get by) scheme against each other at Spy HQ. Jason Statham movies can essentially be judged on three criteria; Does he get to do cool action? Are the bad guys formidable enough? Is the plot and dialogue entertainingly cheesy rather than just e...

Bad to the Bone Temple

28 Years Later : The Bone Temple is a direct sequel to, you guessed it, 28 Years Later. So direct in fact, that they were actually filmed back to back. Nia DaCosta replaces Danny Boyle in the director's chair and accomplishes something pretty remarkable by largely keeping pace with the stellar last instalment while giving Bone Temple a flavour all of its own. We open with Spike (Alfie Williams) being forced to fight for his life in an empty swimming pool at the command of "Sir Lord Jimmy Crystal" (Jack O'Connell). Despite the young teen being clearly out of his depth, and traumatised, Spike scores a lucky (and gruesome) win over his opponent, earning himself a spot as one of Sir Jimmy's "Fingers". This means the lucky lad now gets to roam the land sporting a tracksuit and blonde wig and torture people to death in the name of Satan, who Sir Jimmy claims is his father. Not the journey of self-discovery Spike was looking for when he left his village at th...

Lungbuster

With Iron Lung, YouTuber Markiplier, real name Mark Fischbach, becomes the latest content creator to dip his toe into the world of feature film production. His effort is not as accomplished as the work of the Philippou Brothers (creators of Talk to Me and Bring Her Back) but it's a lot more striking and original than last year's Shelby Oaks (directed by YouTube film critic Chris Stuckmann). The film is based on a relatively niche video game of the same name, which was made by solo developer David Szymanski (who helped with the film's screenplay) and is set inside a submarine exploring an ocean of blood. We follow exactly the same premise here as our protagonist, a convict named Simon, spends the entire runtime welded into a decrepit submersible on a distant moon trying to earn his freedom. What his superiors are specifically looking for is unclear but he is told the blood ocean holds resources vital to the survival of mankind, who has been pushed to the brink of extinctio...

Please Close This Book

The Strangers-Chapter 3 brings an end to one of the most puzzlingly pointless trilogies of all time. Shot back to back (although this instalment underwent some sizeable reshoots after the tepid reception to Chapter 1), the three entries encompass scarcely enough content to cover a single film and are devoid of scares or ideas. In fairness, this instalment seems like it almost has the genesis of something to say. Almost. If you were lucky enough to miss the previous instalments it won't take long to get you caught up. In Chapter 1, Maya (Madelaine Petsch) ran around in the woods a bit with her boyfriend before he was killed by some mask wearing locals of the backwater town they were visiting. In Chapter 2, she ran around in the woods on her own a bit before managing to kill one her face hiding pursuers. Here, we pick up straight after Chapter 2 and, after a brief interlude in a church, Maya is capture by lead "Stranger" Gregory. Meanwhile, Maya's sister Debbie and ...

There Can Only be One

Trailers for Him had Jordan Peele's name slapped all over them, which is understandable from a marketing point of view. In reality it is simply produced by the"Get Out" directors company, Monkeypaw Productions. It is actually directed by Justin Tipping, from a script he co-wrote with Skip Bronkie and Zak Akers. The prevalence of Peele's name in the advertising means the film is bound to draw unflattering comparisons with his own work, which is a shame as the film has its own merits. Cameron "Cam" Cade (Tyriq Withers) grew up idolising Isaiah White (Marlon Wayans), star quarterback of the San Antonio Saviours. When White suffers a grisly injury during the Super Bowl, Cade's father tells the young fan that real men like his idol make sacrifices for greatness. Fast forward about a decade and a half and Cam is about to be drafted to the NFL, where he is tipped as a potential challenger to White's "Greatest Of All Time" status. When a mascot in ...

It Sure Does

Love Hurts is Ke Huy Quan's first ever lead role. After decades out the game and struggling to keep his insurance prior to his Oscar winning turn in "Everything Everywhere, All At Once", you can hardly blame him for taking the chance to front a movie. Unfortunately, in Jonathan Eusabio's directorial debut, he has landed in a misfire. Quan plays Marvin Gable, a cheery real estate agent living his best life as he crushes the sales game and keeps everyone in the office (except for his depressed assistant) happy with his home baking. Unbeknownst to his colleagues he used to be a gangland hitman for his mob boss brother "Knuckles" and when the mysterious Rose, who Marvin was supposed to have killed, remerges, big brother dispatches the goons to get some answers from him. Cue high jinks as Marvin battles henchmen kung fu style while trying to keep his current and past lives from colliding. It's a fun idea but nothing quite comes together in the execution. Th...

Nope Place Like Home

For his third featue Jordan Peele turns his attention to the art of filmaking itself and the explotation of those involved. Its unlikely he will ever blow people away like he did with Get Out again (you can only come out of nowhere once) and whether or not this effort is better than Us is a matter of taste, but he's still managing to flip expectations third time round. The film revolves around brother and sister duo OJ (his infamous real life namesake is mentioned) and Keke. OJ is professional and hardworking, desperate to keep their late fathers business going but lacks the people skills to get ahead. Keke is charismatic and would be the perfect foil to OJ but prefers self promotion to helping a family business she was never really made to feel part of. The business in question is providing horses for filming and the use (or misuse) of animals is a recurring theme, including a genuinely harrowing scene involving a sitcom chimp. Scenes like this confirm Peel's ability to make ...

Don't be a Stranger

The Strangers: Chapter 2 skulks into cinemas a little over a year after the underwhelming Chapter 1. While this is, probably, a little better than last year's instalment it still doesn't feel like a worthwhile use of anyone's time. It very much is a "chapter 2" situation rather than a sequel. Events pick up directly after the finale of the last film and end on a cliffhanger, with the already filmed third set to finish the story. Quite why this approach was taken is a mystery, as there isn't anything deeper or more expansive going on than what could easily fit inside a ninety minute slasher movie. We open with the local diner learning that one half of the stalked couple, Maya (Madelaine Petsch), survived being stabbed. We then cut to her in a hospital with no other patients and about two members of staff, both of whom soon disappear so that Maya can be stalked by the masked "strangers". That is pretty much the movie. Maya is chased, escapes, there i...

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