This Week at Home

The Nun 2 is a weak follow up to a weak film. Has a couple of somewhat interesting visual flourishes so is slightly better than it's predecessor but that is a subterranean bar to clear. Plot is pointless and exists only to fill time between the scares, which would be fine if said scares weren't so lame. The Conjuring franchise is seriously patchy but as long as even the rubbish entries keep bringing home the bacon we're gonna keep getting them.

The Players is a new Netflix rom-com, although it's light on both romance and comedy. Centres on a group of friends whose lives seemingly revolve around helping each other con people into sleeping with them. The lead character being female and one of the crew being bisexual doesn't cover the whiff of early 2000's, although it has neither the raunch or the banter of comedies of that era. What it does have is people in their late thirties talking like frat bros and being so unlikable you'll be annoyed they get the traditional rom-com happy ending.

Its third film lucky with the excellent The Outfit, an under appreciated 2022 period gangster thriller now on Netflix. The entire film is set inside a cutter (don't call him a tailor) shop as the owner has to use his whits to stay one step ahead of the mob goons who commandeer his place of business. Slow but tense with well placed twists the film is elevated by an outstanding performance from star Mark Rylance (is he ever anything else?). Maybe a reveal too many come the end but a great little film that deserves more attention.

Mission Impossible 2 is regarded as the black sheep of the franchise but I've always loved it. I mean its a John Woo film starring Tom Cruise, what's not great about that? Sure, going from the shadowy subterfuge of the first film to the bombastic, sun dappled explosions here is a bit jarring but being a product of their directors is what makes the MI films interesting and the combo of whooshing cameras, slow mo, doves and The Cruiser bicycle kicking people rocks. Add in the soundtrack and you have quintessential late 90's/ early 2000's.

Film of the week : The subtler The Outfit just beats out the loud Mission Impossible 2, mainly by virtue of being a first watch. The other two can get in the bin.

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Trouble in Paradise

Thanks to Evil Dead and Spider-Man, Sam Raimi will forever be associated with horror and superhero movies, but he has actually dipped his toe in many genres, from Westerns to sports movies. Send Help appears to be his twisted take on a rom-com. A good looking guy and an also good looking but awkward woman are stuck getting to know each other in a tropical paradise in a classic romance setup. In a slight break from tradition, proceedings are garnished with buckets of blood and puke and served with a side of black slapstick and maiming. Said couple is Rachel McAdams as super competent, but socially inept business strategist Linda, and Dylan O'Brien as Bradley, Linda's douchebag boss who passes her over for promotion as soon as he inherits daddy's company. When the private jet they are travelling in goes down they find themselves the only survivors as they await rescue from a remote island. Similarly to 2022's Triangle of Sadness, the power dynamics are completely shifted ...

Gimme Shelter

The start of another year means it's time for the annual "Jason Statham is a retired killing machine trying to live a quiet life but being forced to start stacking obituaries" movie. The typically nondescript title of this year's offering is Shelter and Stath's former special forces badass is called Michael Mason. When the British government agency that he used to drop bodies for comes calling at his remote Scottish lighthouse he is forced to take action, something that is complicated by the presence of a young orphan girl named Jessie (Bodhi Rae Breathnach). While our protagonist and his reluctant charge tear across the countryside, Naomi Ackie (criminally underused here) and Bill Nighy (putting in just enough effort to get by) scheme against each other at Spy HQ. Jason Statham movies can essentially be judged on three criteria; Does he get to do cool action? Are the bad guys formidable enough? Is the plot and dialogue entertainingly cheesy rather than just e...

Blow My Whistle

Whistle is Corin Hardy's third movie, after his 2015 breakout The Hallow and 2018's Conjuring spin-off The Nun. This new horror flick sits halfway between the indie energy of his maiden effort and the box ticking boredom of his big studio follow-up, with self seriousness butting up against dumb fun. The set-up is most reminiscent of Final Destination, with added high school slasher vibes. Chrys (Dafne Keen) moves in with her cousin Rel's (Sky Yang) family following the death of her father. Within about ten minutes of attending her high school she becomes besotted with Sophie Nellisse's Ellie, ends up in detention after a confrontation with loudmouth basketball player Dean (Jhaleil Swaby) and finds an Aztec death whistle in her new locker. Naturally, the teens end up blowing the death whistle which causes them all to be stalked by their future deaths. This manifests as a ghostly apparition of your dead future self who causes you to suffer said death as soon as they to...

Lungbuster

With Iron Lung, YouTuber Markiplier, real name Mark Fischbach, becomes the latest content creator to dip his toe into the world of feature film production. His effort is not as accomplished as the work of the Philippou Brothers (creators of Talk to Me and Bring Her Back) but it's a lot more striking and original than last year's Shelby Oaks (directed by YouTube film critic Chris Stuckmann). The film is based on a relatively niche video game of the same name, which was made by solo developer David Szymanski (who helped with the film's screenplay) and is set inside a submarine exploring an ocean of blood. We follow exactly the same premise here as our protagonist, a convict named Simon, spends the entire runtime welded into a decrepit submersible on a distant moon trying to earn his freedom. What his superiors are specifically looking for is unclear but he is told the blood ocean holds resources vital to the survival of mankind, who has been pushed to the brink of extinctio...

Please Close This Book

The Strangers-Chapter 3 brings an end to one of the most puzzlingly pointless trilogies of all time. Shot back to back (although this instalment underwent some sizeable reshoots after the tepid reception to Chapter 1), the three entries encompass scarcely enough content to cover a single film and are devoid of scares or ideas. In fairness, this instalment seems like it almost has the genesis of something to say. Almost. If you were lucky enough to miss the previous instalments it won't take long to get you caught up. In Chapter 1, Maya (Madelaine Petsch) ran around in the woods a bit with her boyfriend before he was killed by some mask wearing locals of the backwater town they were visiting. In Chapter 2, she ran around in the woods on her own a bit before managing to kill one her face hiding pursuers. Here, we pick up straight after Chapter 2 and, after a brief interlude in a church, Maya is capture by lead "Stranger" Gregory. Meanwhile, Maya's sister Debbie and ...

Stars and Their Cars

Crime 101 is named for the California freeway one of the characters commits all his robberies along. It also doubles as describing his MO, he is successful because he makes sure he gets the fundamentals right every time. It can also describe the film itself, which nails the basics of making a slick crime thriller better than just about any other movie has in quite some time. The professional thief is Mike Davis (Chris Hemsworth), a meticulous planner whose jobs never lead to anyone being hurt and are so well executed that nobody even has any idea they are all the work of one man. Nobody that is, except for Mark Ruffalo's Detective Lou Lubesnick, who is determined to catch the "101 Robber" even though his obsession is starting to lead to him being ostracised in the precinct. Both characters come into contact with high value insurance broker Sharon (Halle Berry) as Mike plans a big score and Lou joins the dots in an attempt to track him down. A potential fly in the ointmen...

Stand-Up and Deliver

Is This Thing On ? is inspired by the story of English comedian John Bishop, who attended a comedy open mic night while going through a divorce and went on to become a successful comedian and regular fixture on British television. The focus here, however, is not on an emerging comedy career but on the way finding a creative outlet gives the central character an injection of life and a new perspective on, and possibly a chance to save, his broken marriage. The premise is well executed but there isn't enough insight to prop up the threadbare story. Based on a UK comedian they may be, but events here are transported to New York. The film opens with Alex Novak (Will Arnett) looking lost at his kid's assembly before we witness him and wife Tess (Laura Dern) calmly decide to call time on their marriage. Feeling lonely (and broke) Alex signs up for an open mic spot in order to avoid paying the entrance and ends up diving headlong into the world of stand-up comedy, which ends up servin...

It Sure Does

Love Hurts is Ke Huy Quan's first ever lead role. After decades out the game and struggling to keep his insurance prior to his Oscar winning turn in "Everything Everywhere, All At Once", you can hardly blame him for taking the chance to front a movie. Unfortunately, in Jonathan Eusabio's directorial debut, he has landed in a misfire. Quan plays Marvin Gable, a cheery real estate agent living his best life as he crushes the sales game and keeps everyone in the office (except for his depressed assistant) happy with his home baking. Unbeknownst to his colleagues he used to be a gangland hitman for his mob boss brother "Knuckles" and when the mysterious Rose, who Marvin was supposed to have killed, remerges, big brother dispatches the goons to get some answers from him. Cue high jinks as Marvin battles henchmen kung fu style while trying to keep his current and past lives from colliding. It's a fun idea but nothing quite comes together in the execution. Th...

Its a Scary World Out There

Three movies into his career and it's clear that Ari Aster is a filmaking mad genius. Quite how much is genius and how much is madness is up for debate. Beau is Afraid, a three hour long, deliberately obtuse endurance test doesn't help answer that question. Main character Beau certainly flirts with madness. In therapy and suffering from some major mummy issues an impending trip to see said mother is the last thing his fragile psyche needs. After a disappearing suitcase and passport lead to him missing his plane the journey becomes an odyssey, reflecting the stages of life and all tinged with Beau's maternal issues. We see everything from Beau's point of view, bringing into question how much of the crazy world is real and how much is the interpretation of mind that is always afraid. Maybe the world outside his apartment really is a semi apocalyptic nightmare or maybe he just feels that way. Perhaps his mother has influence over everyone he meets or perhaps she doesn...

Hourglass Half Empty

The video game, Until Dawn is essentially an attempt to make the player feel like they are controlling a horror film. Wisely, this is not a direct adaptation of said game, as that would simply be a bland reflection of a reflection. Instead, writer Gary Dauberman and director David F.Sandberg flip the idea on its head, making a film that uses video game mechanics (the characters respawn after death, with a finite amount of lives) to tell its story. An interesting premise, and given both writer and director have done sterling work in the genre , hopes were high. Sadly, this is an underbaked effort that doesn't come any where near the best work either has done before. Clover's is on a road trip with friends (including her clearly still into her ex-boyfriend). She is looking for her missing sister while her companions are hoping to help her move on. They soon end up at an isolated house that is miraculously untouched by the raging storm they are driving through. Come nightfall, a ...

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