Its the start of a new year which means it's time to put some movies in their place. This is not a definitive list of the best films of 2023, only things I saw in the cinema are eligible (sorry Killers of the Flower Moon) so if you're wondering why your favourite/most hated flick isn't on here it's because I didn't see it on the big screen. Also, I reserve the right to have a completely different opinion about any and all of the entries in a weeks time.
Tedious, no action "thriller" about a criminal debt collector and his trainee street tough. Not sure if this snoozefest began with aspirations of being a no nonsense Taken clone or a serious redemption story but a plot driven by coincidence, awful dialogue and a 99 cents aesthetic make it feel like something from the depths of Amazon Prime rather than a cinema release. No idea how they wrangled Antonio Banderas into appearing in such a damp squib.
After attempting a detective movie with their last outing the Saw producers decide to go down the prequel route, re-framing mass murdering psycho Jigsaw as some sort of avenging superhero. The ridiculous premise isn't the worst of the film's problems, a laboured set up and low stakes lack of tension mean it's chronically boring. Waste your time with this and you'll wish you "Saw" something else. Anything else.
Nearly a decade after it was announced this Frankenstien's monster of a movie lumbered into cinemas. There's a decent film (or three) in here somewhere but it's completely lost in re-shoots, direction changes and constant re-tooling. There's one fun action sequence near the beginning but it's down hill fast from there and come the end even the film itself is telling you watching it was a waste of time. Wastes a returning Micheal Keaton Batman and cool new Supergirl.
A likeable enough lead and a fun family dynamic just about save this from being the most generic super hero film of all time. Just about. The plot of an evil corporation wanting to create an army of super soldiers feels like it was found down the back of a sofa and you wouldn't think it was possible to create villains as bland as Conrad Carapax. Add in jokes that fall flat and a career worst performance from Susan Sarandon and this is one insect you want to leave in the terrarium.
Another 2023 comic book movie, another stitched together homunculus of cuts and studio interference. The first Aquaman wore its stupidity like a badge of honour but everyone seems a little embarrassed about it this time round, with the weak plot desperately trying to justify all the pomposity and actors delivering their stupid lines like they are coughing up fur balls. There is a fun section where Jason Mamoa's Aquaman teams up with his brother to road trip through a monster filled mysterious island that should have made up more of the runtime.
Sorry Wickolytes but I mentally checked out part way through the third film and this slice of stylised self-indulgence didn't reel me back in. Reeves puts in another fantastic physical performance but even he can't defeat the twin villains of bloated runtime and extended universe nonsense. It doesn't matter how stylish it all looks, people rolling around on the ground firing handguns doesn't need to last nearly three hours and I just don't care about all your dumb assassin lore.
Not as bad as the worst of the Micheal Bay efforts since you can mostly tell what's going on in the action scenes and it has a banging 90's hip hop soundtrack but it's still a mess. Feels like every line of dialogue is either explaining plot MacGuffin nonsense or taking wild swings at landing emotional moments the film hasn't earned. Ends in one of those showdowns where a group of heroes take on a bland CGI army that must run around in circles while a few of them at a time fight the good guys.
Want to see a massive shark tearing things up? Then this isn't the film for you. If you want to see a crap version of 2020's Underwater, a crap Die Hard set on an offshore platform and a crap Jurassic Park all mushed together then you're in luck. The most interesting thing about this disappointing follow up is the way it attempts to market itself to a Chinese audience by painting the bad guys as evil capitalists. At least Jason Statham got to have fun on a jet-ski.
I have no idea if this is the adaptation fans of the video game were looking for but for everyone else it's a pretty dull affair. Josh "Hunger Games" Hutcherson (and pretty much everyone in the film) seems bizarrely non plussed by the possessed animatronics stomping around his place of work. He's more interested in catching 40 winks and forcing the viewer to watch the same dream sequence over and over again. For a much more fun take on killer mascots watch 2021's Willy's Wonderland.
The spookiest thing about the Insidious films (apart from the first one) is the way they make you forgot almost everything about them the second the credits role. This ho hum directorial debut of Patrick Wilson is no different. The plot is something to do with Wilson's character from the first movie attempting to reunite with his son after therapy turned him into a deadbeat dad. Forgettable as everything else is there is one outstanding scare involving an MRI scanner. Don't watch if you need to go for regular check ups.
Starts off with one of the most interesting opening sequences in the franchise and a move to New York gives it that glossy, big budget feel that last year's entry lacked. Problem is a slasher film relies on the killer offing people, something that's hard to do when people seem able to shrug of a disembowelling as if it were a paper cut. Also loses marks as it was clearly trying to set up something for the future that will never come to fruition following the studios disgraceful treatment of lead actress Melissa Barrera.
39. The Marvels
Instead of the stand alone sequel she deserved Captain Marvel gets lumped in with two TV characters to make this weak team up movie. As derivative as it gets yet somehow still messy the supposedly "woke" Disney once again hangs its female characters out to dry. Iman Vellani is a standout as Ms Marvel (more of this character on the big screen please) and there are fun glimpses of what director Nia Dacosta could have achieved if given free reign but an uninteresting story driven by a lame antagonist makes this less a case of Marvel-ous and more a case of less Marvel please.
The little heroes go grand in scale and lose the charm that carried their first two movies. There are some unique visuals and glimpses of a cool sci fi B movie brought into the modern age but thats all rushed past in order to get to the MCU stuff which is just, well, more MCU stuff. The film would have been more fun if it had focused on the nonsensical but funky quantum realm rather than spend the entire time trying to build up new multiple film threat Kang, only to have him get his ass kicked anyway.
As soon it was announced Illumination were going to make a Mario movie you knew what to expect, a polished but vacuous exercise in marketing media. That's exactly what this is but at least it's the best possible version of it. It looks great and they do manage to get a little humour in despite the limitations Nintendo place on what they can do with the characters. Still, it would be nice if even a movie aimed at selling merchandise to kids could have just a little bit of a soul.
Ari Aster's three hour odyssey is without doubt one of the most creative and original films of the year but the mammoth runtime and weird five act (at least) structure make Beau's trip to visit his mother an endurance test. Joachim Pheonix puts in a stellar performance as the man with the mother of all mummy issues and there are some out there visuals but its uneven to say the least. Seems like it has plenty to say but any tangible meaning feels frustratingly out of reach. More something to be admired than enjoyed.
No denying this is an improvement on 2008's CGI car crash Kingdom of the Crystal Skull but it's a long way short of the original three masterpieces. They never let plot devices get in the way of Indy's adventuring but Dial of Destiny can't go more then 5 minutes without mentioning the 'Antikythera' or Archimedis. A couple of good action sequences and Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a good addition but the film never gets beyond and decent and you don't dust a character this iconic off for decent.
Gérard Butler is the pilot of the only commercial plane that can't withstand being struck by lightning (but can withstand hails of bullets apparently) leading to a crash that puts him and his passengers at the mercy of a local warlord. Gerry and the dangerous convict who was being transported on the plane have to keep everyone safe until the heroic private military company can get there and save them. Butler is a natural in this kind of film but it's all a bit, well, plain.
Promising horror about a girl who is trying to balance her traditional Indian home life with the pressure of fitting in at a typical American high school when her former best friend goes missing curtesy of an old world demon. The cultural angst stuff is great but it falls into the pitfalls so many supernatural horrors do in that its never clear what the monster can and can't do or why it torments some while instantly killing others, making it more confusing than scary.
Director David Gordon Green follows a similar template as his Halloween reboot with a story similar to the original but upping the stakes. Having two kids get possessed does add an extra layer and Leslie Odom Jnr puts in a performance far better than he needs to but the movie is held back by a slow first act and it isn't clear during the exorcism whether things are going well or not, making it hard to get a handle on the stakes. Only really recommended for fans of exorcism movies.
Killer doll Megan is more Frankenstein's monster than Chucky, being the product of sloppy programming and neglectful parenting rather than evil. This breakout hit has its tongue firmly in its cheek and a bunch of colourful characters create some laughs. The doll herself is the right amount of uncanny valley to be both goofy and a little creepy. Slight but fun movie although the lack of accountability for the main character unleashing a murder bot is a bit annoying.
Meta comedy slasher about a group of black friends who end up playing the murderous (and racist) board game of the films title. Not a lowest common denominator gag fest like the Scary Movie franchise but not a complex look at society through a black lens like a Jordon Peele film either. The cast are good, the group actually feel as if they would be friends and it's pretty funny, even if some of the humour is cultural and went a bit over the head of a white guy from Scotland.
Will Ferrell's abandoned pooch teams up with Jamie Foxx's streetwise mutt to find his way home and get revenge on his waster owner by gnashing his genitals. Think Homeward Bound with f bombs and humping. The humour stays firmly in the gutter and while it is funny a couple of more out there jokes hint at the funnier movie that could have been. One things for sure, the technology for making animals look like they are talking has come a long way.
Animated sequel that's even more visually stunning than it's predecessor. Highlights include a water colour Vulture from a Da Vinci inspired world and a stunningly hectic alternate Mumbai. Characters are great too with Daniel Kaluuya's cockney Spider Punk the stand out newcomer. Would be waaay higher up the list if it wasn't for the unsatisfying ending. You can't drag a finale out this much only to end on a "to be continued...." that won't see a conclusion for years.
Based (very) loosely on real events this follows the winner of a competition among video game racing players to find a real world driver. Even aside from Orlando Bloom breathlessly waxing lyrical about the eponymous game the film is stuffed with product placement but despite this there is something very watchable here. Probably because the cast do a good job with their generic character types and the racing scenes look great.
Based on a fake trailer from nearly 20 years ago horror stalwart Eli Roth manages to reign in his nastier instincts to create an entertaining slasher. The kills are gruesome but the fun kind of gruesome and the Thanksgiving theme gives it it's own flavour. Goes a little bit too far down the Scream style whodunnit route when a Micheal Myersesque faceless killer might have suited the premise better but it was nice to see a film like this in the cinema rather than buried somewhere on a streaming service.
Features one of the all time great Dracula performances from Nicholas Cage, bringing Bela Lugosi into the twentieth century and any time him and Nicholas Hoult are on screen its dynamite. There are also some great OTT action scenes with limbs flying everywhere and people exploding. Unfortunately, all the good stuff is tangled up with a boring and generic cops vs gangsters storyline resulting in something much less entertaining than it should be.
Does what it says on the tin. For various reasons a bunch of colourful characters find themselves in the territory of a bear hopped up on cocaine and jokes, chases and maimings ensue. If that premise appeals (and why wouldn't it?) then you won't be disappointed. High cinema it isn't, highly entertaining it is.
Either you already know the story of the Gamestop stock rush of pandemic times or you aren't interested in it but a tight script and great cast does a good job of making a dry subject interesting. You'll route for the little guys and be desperate to see the Wall Street douchebags take a licking. That said it does make an "interesting" choice to portray face masks as some sort of tool of oppression that will dent some people's enjoyment of this financial David vs Goliath tale.
22. Fast X
Unbelievably the Fast and Furious franchise has found extra gas in the tank for it's tenth, yes tenth instalment. This comes mostly in the form of Jason Momoa who's villainous turn as Dante Rayes is an absolute treat. It does suffer from the series usual problems of paper thin plot spread over too long a running time and Vin Deisel's insistence on keeping the action centred round his charisma vacuum Dominic Toretto but better set pieces and Mamoa's 60's Joker-like antagonist make this one of the best entries in years.
On the one hand this redemption story of a failing coach being forced to take over a special needs basketball team is as generic as it comes, with the outcome and every hitch along the way visible a mile off. On the other, by casting people with real disabilities its actually one of the most progressive films you'll see. Is genuinely funny and some of the cast deserve to be breakout stars.
Doesn't really need the "part 1" as (unlike a certain other film on this list) it has a satisfying enough conclusion of it's own. Has a great mix of set pieces, from fights to stunts to car chases to a cat and mouse incognito stroll around an airport. An AI algorithm as antagonist/plot device isn't exactly the most original or inspiring but there's more than enough going on for that not to really matter. Not the absolute best Mission Impossible but pretty close.
Reinvention of the renaissance amphibians goes better than anyone could have expected, even if the tonal shifts are a little bumpy. The sketchbook art style is fantastic and the characterisation of the turtles is probably the best its been. They have more distinct personalities and actually feel like teenagers rather than frat bros. Add in an antagonist brilliantly voiced by Ice Cube and some cool hip hop beats and you have one of the best animated films of the year.
An original, large scale sci fi movie in 2023? Looks incredible (there are films on this list that cost 3-4 times as much that really should hang their heads in shame) and has something to say for itself. It's delivery may not be the most nuanced and the story is somewhat predicable but it creates a really unique world and as the kind of movie people complain doesn't get made anymore it was a tragedy it got so overlooked at the box office.
We got the good M.Night Shyamalan this year. Claustrophobic thriller about a family being forced to choose between sacrifice or possibly the end of the world. Say what you want about Shyamalan and his twist obsessed plots but he knows how to build tension and the single location plays to his strengths. Great work from the cast as well, particularly Dave Bautista who's combination of intimidating size and gentle sadness anchors the film.
Brandon Croneneberg continues the family tradition although this is more a horror of the human spirit than the body horror his dad is famous for. That's not to say there aren't some some gruesome moments but it's the characters that turn the stomach here. Fair to say Cronenberg Jnr has a dim view of people who stay at "exclusive" resorts in poor countries. Could stand to be a little more economical but quite the ride provided you don't mind spending time watching the worst people imaginable.
A whistle stop tour of Napoleon's rise and fall (and rise and fall). You aren't going to learn much here (that's what books are for nerd) but Ridley Scott and Joachim Pheonix have a great time playing with the oddness of the The Little Colonel. The battle scenes are great, the scenes between Napoleon and Josephine are even better. As a viewer its a little hard to get behind a warmongering dictator but classy filmmaking carries the day.
Pastel colours, perfect symmetry and a galaxy of stars delivering lines like they're reading furniture instructions. Its Wes Anderson time. A film about a play about an alien encounter in a small desert town, it allows Anderson to ruminate on loss, loneliness and the power of human connection. Some like to complain Wes's work is too similar but they either ignore or miss the nuance and besides, who else is going to make films like this?
13. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3
Blasting through a slew of crushingly mediocre super hero films, James Gunn returns to show how you actually make one of these things. Laughs, emotional highs and lows and a villain as Shakespearean as he is loathsome make this a worthy conclusion to Marvel's best trilogy of films. Some of the edgier moments push the limits of what could be considered a "family" film but that's indicative of a film that has the kind of ambitious spirit missing from so many recent comic book movies.
Legendary actor returns and gives a great performance in the third, and quite possibly best, instalment in the series. A stunning Italian backdrop and great cinematography give the film real character and a change of tone gives the film a feel distinct from it's predecessors. Stylish filmmaking all the way and if this ends up being the last of these they make then they've gone out on a high.
Legendary actor returns and gives a great performance in the third, and quite possibly best, instalment in the series. A stunning Italian backdrop and great cinematography give the film real character and a change of tone gives the film a feel distinct from it's predecessors. Stylish filmmaking all the way and if this ends up being the last of these they make then they've gone out on a high.
Steals the Marvel formulae and does it better than The Mouse House has done it in years. Takes the humour to the next level by leaning into the absurd side of D&D with killer treasure chests, funky creatures and overweight dragons. One character in particular could have strolled straight off the set of The Mighty Boosh. Also features a great cast and some of the best big budget effects you'll see. One of the most outright fun films of the year.
Who asked for a Willy Wonka prequel? That's right nobody, but somehow Paul King weaves some of that Paddington magic and turns what could have been the most cynical of cash ins into one of the most delightful family films of recent years. A great cast, fun songs and a whimsical script make this feel more a like a Roald Dahl story than many of the direct adaptations of his work over the years. Only downside is the worry of its success opening the floodgate to a slew of inferior Dahl adjacent work.
Christopher Nolan is known for playing with time but a room full of the allies greatest scientists couldn't figure out how he makes three hours fly by this fast. Faultlessly balancing narratives across three different time periods with amazing visuals and ground shaking score its little wonder A-list actors were queuing up to take even the smallest roles. This is, as the film bros would say, pure kino. Not perfect though with relationships remaining Nolan's achilles heel, as evidenced by one of the most bizarre sex scenes you'll see this side of a Cronenberg film.
What do you do when making a product movie about a product so successful it doesn't need the film to sell product? Apparently you make an irreverent, meta, surreal, musical comedy that somehow grosses over a billion dollars. Quite how a film about a toy with humour aimed only passingly at children was so successful is anyone's guess but it deserves it. A riotously funny, bubblegum pink satire with defining performances from two leads who already have a stack of iconic roles.
Prequel to last year's breakout horror X but a very different film. Where it's predecessor wallowed in the grindhouse muck of the 70's this film is resplendent in technicolor as it takes us back to the golden age of cinema. Mia Goth is extraordinary as a farm girl losing her mind under the crushing weight of normalcy and really should have been in the Oscar conversation. Sympathetic as she is terrifying, Pearl is instantly one of the best ever horror performances in one the year's most original films.
With some gruesome violence and extended scenes of children in peril this isn't for everyone but its a masterclass in how to properly update a beloved franchise. Turns out the top floor of a high rise is a pretty good substitute for a cabin in the woods and switching the focus to a family ups the stakes. Claustrophobic and tense but still maintaining the dash of slapstick that the series is known for it cements the Evil Dead's place as the most consistent and, let's be honest, best horror property.
In the real world I am the only person who dreams about Nicholas Cage every night but in this A24 drama/comedy/horror/fantasy/everything film everyone does. This study of fame thrust upon an ordinary Joe is fairly bizarre, often funny, occasionally creepy and just when it feels the film may have cast it's net too wide it pulls it back together for a poignant ending. Cage gives a great performance, making a fundamentally dislikable character watchable and just sympathetic enough.
Emerald Fennel follows up her 2020 movie of the year contender "Promising Young Women" with this deranged examination of class culture and excess. To say much about what goes on would be a spoiler (the trailers keep it vague for an reason) but there are scenes that will make you squirm and plenty that will make you laugh. A phenomenally weird central performance from Barry Keoghan keeps the viewer guessing while a great supporting cast keep them entertained.
Meticulous tale of a genius composer's fall from grace. Powered by an outstanding performance from Kate Blanchett its a complicated look at power dynamics, the changing expectations of being an artist, single mindedness crossing into sociopathic selfishness and flat out abuse. Like its titular character its all about intelligence and precision, not heart. You aren't going to warm to the protagonist here, but you'll be thinking about what you've seen long after the final credits roll.
Not to be confused with the recent American Godzilla movies or the judo throwing monsters of the 60/70's. To mark Godzilla's 70th anniversary, famed Japanese director Takashi Yamakazi brings us an epic historical drama with a terrifying giant lizard thrown in. Astonishingly shot and packed with emotional drama its tense, melancholy and ultimately uplifting, packing in spectacle and human drama in equal measure. Big scale storytelling that reminds you why you go to the cinema.
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