The definitive ranking list that no one else is qualified to make, mainly because its a list of all the movies I saw in the cinema. To make the ranking I need to have seen the film on the big screen and for the first time, rereleases don't count.
39. The Matrix Resurrection
Empty follow up starts out like it might have something interesting to say but soon settles into the cynical, corporate mandated sequel it mocks in its first act. You'll be begging for it to end long before the drawn out finale reaches its conclusion.
38. Jurassic World Dominion
A plodding script and phoned in performances from the returning cast make this a limp end (please) to the franchise. Had it trimmed down its unnecessary length it might have been worth checking out, for dino fans at least, but at two and a half hours plus there is zero chance you can't find something better to do with your time.
37. The 355
Too stupid to be a serious spy thriller, too boring to be a fun romp. Also, for a film that is supposed to be about agents from different countries coming together, an abundance of lazy stereotypes give it a low key racist vibe. If you are looking for a fun female ensemble action movie check out 2019's Charlies Angels reboot instead.
36. Halloween Ends
Takes a left turn after the over the top carnage of Halloween Kills and seems like it might have something new and interesting to say about the evil stalking Hadenfield. The filmmakers (or executives) lose their nerve half way through though and serve up a limp retread of an ending.
35. Morbius
The good thing about Morbius is that Sony know its a waste of your time so have hacked it down to a slim ninety minutes. The bad thing is they forgot to leave in any character, worthwhile stakes or anything else to care about. Shame as the superhero/horror combo had potential.
34. Scream
Nowhere near enough new ideas to justify dusting off this usually inventive film series. Has a couple of fun moments but making fun of bad modern movie tropes doesn't give you a pass to put them in your movie, it just makes it seem you are making fun of me for watching.
33. The Railway Children Return
Unnecessary update to the beloved childrens film. Charming enough but no real plot as things meander along before an abrupt conclusion. Brownie points for touching on the racism American WWII soldiers faced from their own side but only does it in the "few bad apples" way.
32. Where the Crawdads Sing
2/3s slice of life 1/3 courtroom drama looks great, probably a little too good for a film about a girl raising herself in a swamp. Decent melodrama but commits the adaptation sin of leaving the viewer feeling they need to read the book for the whole story.
31. Death on the Nile
Once Brannagh's Poirot gets into mystery solving mode it's pretty entertaining but some distracting casting and crap CGI representations of places they could have just filmed at for real detract from the atmosphere. Doesn't reach the heights of 2017's Murder on the Orient Express
30. Don't Worry Darling
Atmospheric and stylish thriller with a powerhouse performance from Florence Pugh. Unfortunately its saddled with an abysmal third act with a reveal that is both boring and nonsensical.
29. Black Panther : Wakanda Forever
Packs an emotional punch following the sad passing of Chadwick Boseman but the shameless plugging of future MCU projects throughout the film make it feel more like another cog in the money machine than a loving tribute. Some great performances are undermined by lack of focus and a plot that spends too much time on all the wrong things.
28. Moonfall
Roland Emmerich, the king of over the top 90's disaster movies, returns with basically an over the top 90's disaster movie. Science and logic go out the window in favour of spectacle and melodrama. Dumb fun if you don't mind your ability to suspend disbelief being stretched to the limit.
27. Ambulance
Two brothers trapped in an ambulance after a heist gone wrong sounds like the set up for a tight low key thriller. For Michael Bay it's a signal to blow more stuff up. It's one of his most entertaining films in years but drags on as it misses about three opertunities to end better than it does.
26. Dr Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
Or Dr Strange and the multiverse of mostly the same. Sam Rami adds plenty of flourishes and wisely avoids the movie becoming the rumoured cameo fest. Underneath its still fairly standard Marvel fair though and thats becoming harder to recommend.
25. Thor Love and Thunder
Best MCU film of the year but a long way short of the vikings last solo outing Ragnarock, despite some nice visuals and a satisfying ending to Thor's story. The problems come from trying to tonally marry non stop jokes and death via cancer. Christian Bale puts in a herculean effort to make a compelling villian out of minimum screen time.
24. Ticket to Paradise
Heavy hitters Julia Roberts and George Clooney team up for old school rom com. Not reinventing the wheel but if beautiful people in beautiful locations is your brand of escapism then this cant miss.
23. Beast
Man vs animal film requires the usual people acting stupid to make the plot happen and has the customary annoying kids. That doesn't really matter though when you get to see A list star Idris Elba face off against a lion that is one of the most realistic pieces of CGI ever put on film.
22. The Black Phone
Decent thriller that manages to take its time without dragging on and has some excellent performances. Unfortunately, if you have seen the trailer you know pretty much everything the film has in store. Still worth checking out for a couple of breakout child actor performances and Ethan Hawk's creepy serial killer.
21. Dragon Ball Super: Superhero
So super they named it twice. Right in the middle since if you like, or have nostalgia for, Dragonball this is more of that with a super clean 2.5D animation style. If you don't like Dragonball (or haven't ever seen it) there is nothing for you here.
20. Avatar the Way of Water
Immersion is the name of the game here rather than narrative efficiency but its hard to argue James Cameron couldn't have chopped 40-60 minutes off this bladder buster. During its best bits though the blockbuster filmaking is on anothet level.
19. Black Adam
Nearly a decade after signing on, The Rock finally gets Black Adam to the big screen. Its about as generic as superhero movies get but the costumes are cool and the action is more over the top than the competition. If you like you comic book movies big and dumb (and why wouldn't you?) its a good time.
18. Uncharted
First of two decent video game adaptations this year, who'd have thought. Tom Holland continues his journey to full on leading man status and Mark Wahlberg is a good foil as his older, more cynical mentor. It might be an inferior Indiana Jones knock off but there isn't much wrong with that.
17. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Goofy humour for the kids, old video game references for the adults, Jim Carrey for everybody. Not every gag or story beat lands but its refreshing to see an action film aimed squarely at kids with none of the snark and cynicism of a Marvel movie. You'd need to be pretty miserable not to find any of this fun.
16. Men
Alex Garland swaps sci fi for folklore in an atmospheric tale of male hostility. Great performances and inventive body horror more than make up for the feeling what your watching is lot more style than substance
15. Nope
Never going to be as iconic as Get Out and doesn't get under the skin like Us but this may be the Jordan Peele film that most rewards a rewatch, even if metaphor does occasionally get in the way of story. Jean Jacket is a unique threat and who'd have thought the most terrifying shot of the year would simply be a chimp staring at the camera.
14. Elvis
Outstanding performance from Austin Butler as The King anchors the film and allows Baz Luhrmann to Baz Luhrmann up everything else. Tom Hanks performance is divisive but playing the repulsive Colonel Parker as a pantomime villain makes the character watchable.
13. Violent Night
What if Die Hard starred Santa Clause? Apparently it would be an absurdly entertaining (and violent) festive treat. The hilarious Mortal Kombatesque ways baddies are dispatched makes it easy to overlook the odd misfiring gag.
12. X
Essentially a 70's grindhouse flick with arthouse sensibilities. Might be a bit slow to get going for some fright fans and too gruesome for those who like more subtle horror but if you stick with it you'll see one of the best and most unique slasher films of recent years.
11. Bullet Train
Starts like a Guy Ritchie film, ends like a Fast and Furious movie. Snappy dialogue and the breezy charisma of everyone on screen makes this possibly the most pure "fun" flick of the year.
10. Crimes of the Future
The most "Chrononberg" film David has made for decades. Body mutilation, metamorphosis, ideological clashes and pretty much every other recurring theme of his career is here. Plot is minimal but thats not really the point.
9. The Batman
By not shying away from the problems posed by a rich guy who thinks beating up the desperate is the best way to stop crime Matt Reeves and Robert Pattinson manage to find a new take on the titular character, an impressive feat in 2022. Its long but unlike most lengthy blockbusters the third act doesn't suck so you don't feel your time has been wasted.
8. Top Gun Maverick
80's classics getting dusted off for a modern retread don't have a great record and the chest thumping triumphalism of Top Gun should make it one of the hardest to bring up to date. Incredibly Maverick manages to nail the spirit of the original while adding just enough modern sensibilities and the necessary drop of melancholy. Better than it has any right to be.
7. Glass Onion: A Knives out Mystery
Unwieldy title aside this slick mystery doesn't put a foot wrong. Different tone, setting and almost genre than the first film but the same level of quality. Hopefully many more of these to come.
6. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Nic Cage.
5. The Menu
Deliciously macabre satire about cult of personality and exploitation of workers and art. Dark and hilarious with Ralph Fiennes giving one of the turns of the year as mad chef Slowik.
4. The Northman
What do you get when you give $90 million to a history and folklore obsessed autuer indy director? Apparently the answer is a blood soaked epic revenge tale based on a pre-Shakespearian Norse legend. It can be grim at times but is outstandingly shot and acted by people at the top of their game. Director River Eggers apparently disliked how much the studio interfered but the result is his most accessible (although not best) film to date.
3. I Nightmare Alley
Bradley Cooper should be too old to play an upstart con man just beginning to try his luck as a carny but he has enough charisma that it doesn't matter and turns in his best ever performance. Del Toro's vision turns what could almost be a TV movie plot into an atmospheric must see. When you have the like of Toni Collette ane Willem Dafoe in supporting roles you know you have quality on your hands.
2. The Banshees of Inasherin
14 years on from "In Brugge" McDonagh, Farell and Gleeson strike an even richer vein of gold. As funny as it is bleak and every acting performance is award worthy, it even features the best animal performance of the year from Jenny the donkey. Rich in character and themes, there is probably even more to be appreciated if you have an understanding of Irish history. A coin toss between this and the next film for no 1.
1. Everything Everywhere all at Once
Michelle Yeoh must deal with a tax inspection, build bridges with family members and save all of existence. You don't want to know any more than that before you watch one of the outstanding cin ematic achievements of recent years. You'll gasp, you'll laugh, you'll cry. If you only watch one multiverse movie this year (or possibly ever) make sure it's this one.
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