Loose ranking of everything I saw in the cinema during the first 6 months of 2023. Let's just pretend it isn't a month late.
23. The Enforcer
Antonio Banderas does little enforcing in this weak thriller. One dimensional characters, laughable dialogue and an aimless plot make this a waste of everyone's time. May The Enforcer not be with you.22. John Wick Chapter 4
Features another great physical performance from Keanu Reeves but not even he can overcome the twin threats of bloated runtime and expanded universe nonsense. There's the odd fun set piece but people rolling around shooting guns doesn't need to last nearly 3 hours.After the clean slate of 2018's Bumblebee, Rise of the Beasts takes a u-turn back towards the motorway pile up of the Micheal Bay days. Not as much of a mess As "Rise of the Extinction Samurai Knight Moon" (I'm sure that was the name of one of them), since you can actually follow the action scenes, but when the plot isn't explaining macguffin nonsense it's taking wild emotional swings that fall laughably flat.
19. Plane
Gérard Butler is the pilot of the only commercial plane that can't withstand being struck by lightning (but can withstand hails of bullets apparently) leading to a crash that puts him and his passengers at the mercy of a local warlord. Butler is a natural in this kind of film but it's all a bit, well, plain.18. Scream 6
A step up from last year's weak part 5. Things are reinvigorated by the move to the big city and it has one of the series best opening sequences of any Scream movie. The problem is that proceedings lack impact due to every character's ability to shrug of clearly fatal stab wounds, meaning you can watch someone's guts fall out only to be told half an hour later by the cinematic equivalent of VAR that it was ruled no death and they're still alive.
17. Ant-Man and The Wasp : Quantumania
Previous Ant-Man films have acted as fun little palette cleansers after big Avengers movies but this time the scale is ramped up to mixed results. There are some great high concept sci-fi visuals but the adventure is never given time to breathe and, despite the movies best attempts at grandeur, everything feels pretty lightweight.
16. The Super Mario Bros. Movie
The minute it was announced that Illumination were going to make a Mario movie everyone new what to expect; a by the numbers family pleaser with emphasis on obvious gags and merchandising opportunities. This is exactly that, but at least it's a good version of that.
15. Beau is Afraid
Possibly criminal that this is so far down the list as its easily the most ambitious and original thing on here, but constant shifts in tone and a five (at least) act structure make Beau's journey to see his mother a three hour endurance test. Darkly funny, superbly acted and has plenty to say but any real meaning remains tantalizingly out of reach. Something to be admired rather than enjoyed.
14. M3gan
The titular murder doll is more modern Frankenstein than Chucky, killing as a result of slapdash AI parameters rather than psychotic blood lust. Flimsy concept but the uncanny valley effect adds to the creepiness and a decent dose of humour helps things along.13. Renfield
How can you make a film with Nic Cage hamming it up as Dracula and limbs flying everywhere be just OK? Simple, fill the rest of the runtime with the most basic and boring cops and criminals plot you ever did see. Still, anytime Cage and Nicholas Hoult's Renfield share the screen it's dynamite.
12. Fast X
Suffers from the usual Fast and Furious problems of paper thin plot stretched way too long and Vin Deisel insisting his Dominic Toreto character remains the main focus of events , despite the fact he is a charisma vacuum compared to the other stars. Better action scenes and a show stopping performance from Jason Mamoa as a 1960's Batman style villain make this one of the series best entries.
11. Cocaine Bear
Drug fuelled bear runs amok in a national park. Delivers on the dumb fun premise with a cast of colorful characters and over the top bear action. Has some feeling in it and avoids overexposing the CGI bear.10. Champions
On the one hand this Woody Harrelson sports comedy is as generic as it gets but by casting people with real disabilities as the special needs basketball team it's one of the most progressive movies of recent years. Helps that it's actually funny.9. Infinity Pool
Brandon (son of David) Chronenberg keeps up the family tradition of making strange, metaphor heavy, somewhat gross films. The grotesqueness this time round is more of human nature than body, although there's still some blood and guts. Chronenberg junior isn't as concise as his dad but there's plenty to chew over.
8. Knock at the Cabin
Claustrophobic thriller about a family being forced to choose between sacrifice or possibly the end of the world. Say what you want about M. Night Shyamalan and his twist obsessed plots but he knows how to build tension and the single location plays to his strengths. Great work from the cast as well.
7. Across the Spider-Verse
Dazzling array of art styles and bags of character make this an insanely unique work of art, distinct even from it's predecessor. Introduces a host of fun new Spider-Men and has some genuine heart behind it. Not so sure it gets away with it's "tune in for part 2" ending, especially when it's on the long side
6. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3
In the midst of studios firing out disappointing (live action) super hero films left, right and centre, James Gunn returns to show how you actually make one of these things. Laughs, emotional highs and lows, satisfying character arcs and a villain as Shaksperian as he is loathsome make this a worthy conclusion to Marvels best trilogy of films.5. Dungeons and Dragons : Honor Among Thieves
Takes the tried and tested formula Disney has been using to make Marvel
movies for a decade and a half and takes it to the next level by
injecting some almost Monty Python level absurd humour, including a
supporting character that could have walked straight off the set of The
Mighty Boosh. Add in a great cast and some of the best big budget CGI
around and you have the most straight up entertaining movie of the year
so far.
4. Asteroid city
If you're familiar with Wes Anderson you know the drill here. Unbelievable A-list cast delivering deadpan lines in gorgeously lit, symmetrical shots. This time the cast of off kilter characters are in a small desert town about to visited by an alien, or more accurately they are in a play about a small desert town about to be visited by an alien. Not everyone's cup of whimsical tea but I could drink it all day.
3. Pearl
Technically a prequel to last year's grind house homage X but a very different film. Set in 1918 during the tail end of WW1 and the height of the Spanish Flu, frustrated farm girl Pearl yearns of escaping to Hollywood and is a ticking time bomb as her frustration grows. Pays tribute to golden age classics in the darkest way possible and features a performance from Mia Goth that would have been a shoe in for an Oscar nomination if the Academy paid attention to genre flicks.
2. Evil Dead Rise
By far the most personal placement in this list as with gruesome horror and extended scenes of children in danger it won't be for everyone but it's a masterclass in how to properly update a beloved franchise. Claustrophobic and tense but maintaining the dash of slapstick that the series is known for it cements The Evil Dead's place as the best horror series.
1. Tar
Meticulous tale of a genius composer's fall from grace. Powered by an outstanding performance from Kate Blanchett it's a complicated look at power dynamics, the changing expectations of being an artist, single mindedness crossing into sociopathic selfishness and flat out abuse. Like its titular character its all about intelligence and precision, not heart. You aren't going to warm to the protagonist here, but you'll be thinking about what you've seen long after the final credits roll.
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