The Pope Was Dead to Begin With

Conclave opens with Cardinal-Dean Thomas Lawrence (Ralph Fiennes) arriving at The Vatican following the death of the incumbent Pope. It then falls to him to arrange and administer a papal conclave, summoning the world's cardinals to convene in seclusion and vote on who should become the next Holy Father. The principle runners are Stanley Tucci's Aldo Bellini, who wants to continue the previous Pope's liberal approach to modernising the church, Firebrand traditionalist Goffredo Tedesco (Sergio Castlellitto), conservative contender to be the first African Pope Joshua Adeyemi (Lucian Msamati) and John Lithgow as popular but potentially dodgy Canadian Joseph Tremblay. There is also some intrigue surrounding the arrival of the Archbishop of Kabul, who claims to have been raised to the position in secret by the previous Pope. Shifting alliances and schemes play out as the contenders politic for the top job.

Everything on display in Conclave is as tights and pristine as it gets. Director Edward Berger brings the same meticulous and organised framing he displayed in All Quiet on the Western Front, the adapted script by Peter Straughten is watertight and the cast speaks for itself. The main worry going in was that everything would be very earnest and "Oscary" but a little boring. Fortunately that couldn't be further from the case. Sure, there is plenty of texture here, with rumination on the meaning of faith, moral examinations and a spotlight shone on the current political climate, but none of it gets in the way of delivering a crowd pleasing thriller. Strained alliances, shifting leaders and revelations ensure the two hours fly by.

The script strikes a subtle balance between giving us characters to get behind and leaving in some moral ambiguity. Of course it would be bad if the ultra conservative, roll the years (all the way) back candidate won but where is the line between voting with your conscience and simply being spiteful? What, if any, concessions should you make to win people to your cause? Shouldn't somebody bring some genuine Christian morality into the debate? Fiennes is the objective overseer but how hands on should he be in keeping the competition clean and is there a chance he harbours some ambition of his own? There is also the question of how many dominoes the deceased Pope set up in the awareness of his impending demise.

The film also takes a balanced view to the Catholic faith itself, positioning The Church as like any other profession in that it contains both the good and the bad. It is freely acknowledges that some truly terrible people have held the highest office and cardinals are portrayed as far from squeaky clean. It never descends to religion bashing though and Cardinal Lawrence delivers a Homily for the ages on the value of faith and need to embrace fallibility.

The setting does come with some limitations, chiefly the lack of female representation. Isabella Rossellini is on hand and the script does try to give her an impactful speech but it still feels like a bit of a waste. There is potential terrorist activity afoot outside the conclave that the cardinals are supposed to know as little as possible about (outside events may influence their decision making) but ultimately it ends up feeling a little contrived in order to produce the desired ending. Not that said ending isn't satisfying.

Conclave is slick political thriller first, earnest drama second and all the better for it. Make time for this sermon and you'll be treated to great visuals, a sweeping score, best in Sunday class acting and a truly diabolical vape hit.

9 past indiscretions resurfacing out of 10

Comments

Irreverent Evil

Despite its singular name, Resident Evil is actually the eighth film to be based on the long running video game franchise. Unlike Paul W.S. Anderson's decade plus running series and 2021's failed reboot, Welcome to Raccoon City, this new effort from Weapons helmer Zach Cregger uses none of the game's characters or plot lines. Ironically, ditching the baggage has allowed Cregger to craft something that comes much closer to matching the camp terror of its source material and is easily the best film to wear the Resident Evil name. The entire film follows medical courier Bryan (Austin Abrams) on the delivery from hell. Despite being in the middle of a phone argument with his pregnant girlfriend, Brian accepts one last job for the day; a drop-off in remote Raccoon City. The icy roads he is ill prepared for turn out to be the least of his worries as something has gone very wrong in the mountain city. After running a woman over in the town outskirts, things quickly escalated and...

An Apple a Day

Bad Apples opens with a colourful procession of apples making their way through a processing facility. There is a problem, though: stowing away is a solitary child's trainer, hidden amongst the apples and about to jam up the machine and bring the whole enterprise to a halt. Turns out a bad kid can do the same to a classroom, as poor Miss Maria Spencer (Saoirse Ronan) knows only too well. This darkly comic satire doesn't go much deeper than the above metaphor but it entertains and is propelled by a trio of strong performances. The offending trainer belongs to Danny (Eddie Waller), a disruptive pupil whose out of control behaviour has the timid Maria on the verge of losing her job. When Danny seriously injures another pupil and gets suspended, Maria goes to see his dad but ends up in a scuffle with the troublemaking youngster that leads to her imprisoning him in her basement. With the rascal out of the picture and nobody missing him much, things start to look pretty rosy for t...

Straight Outta The Further

Insidious has always been a fairly low tier horror franchise. The Conjuring's budget cousin, if you will. If you look at it that way then Insidious: Out of the Further is actually fairly good. It's certainly the most entertaining the series has been since the first instalment. Like that first breakout hit from back in 2010, Out of the Further has a much stronger first half than it does second. We start with a fairly harrowing scene of a young girl named Gemma witnessing the grisly death of her erratically behaving mother. We then fast forward a couple of decades to find the adult Gemma working as a dentist while raising a young girl of her own, yet still living in her childhood home. Spooky things begin to happen as some unfriendly OAPs start stalking the neighbourhood and Gemma tries to keep her daughter safe while worrying she is becoming like her mother. In typical Insidious fashion, things become more silly than scary as the plot is revealed and we build towards a ludicr...

One Dog and his Man

Heart of the Beast is a man and his dog against nature film. As such, it requires a lead who can be tough but also vulnerable and has the screen presence to draw the audience in without dialogue. This film has such a lead. It also has Brad Pitt. See, the star of the show really is ex-army dog Odin (played by a German Shepherd named Uber, with three of his sons helping out). Odin has metal teeth, an artificial leg and suffers from PTSD but soldiers on with the joyous spirit only a dog can muster. It's just as well, since he is the only thing holding his human, retired Special Forces Command Sergeant Major James Belmont (Pitt) together. Belmont is himself haunted by nightmares of the mission that left him and Odin as sole survivors and it's safe to say he isn't a people person. The pair are exploring the Alaskan wilderness when a potential heart attack leads to Belmont crashing his little plane and leaving them with an arduous and dangerous trek back to civilisation. That thi...

Summer of 75

Tony opens with a quote from the late chef, and subject of this semi-biopic, Anthony Bourdain's memoir. It goes: "I was — to be frank — a spoiled, miserable, narcissistic, self-destructive and thoughtless young lout, and badly in need of a good ass-kicking." He's not wrong. The Tony (he's much too cool to let people call him Anthony) we meet at the beginning of the film is an insufferable blowhard. He tells anyone who'll listen about his great future as a writer, despite seemingly having an aversion to doing any actual writing. He assumes the panel awarding a prestigious scholarship is too stupid to see his pitch is nonsense bravado. He condescendingly explains the meaning of what he thinks are obscure words, despite not always knowing himself. While he does change over the course of the film, it's hard to map an actual character journey. That's because more than a biopic or chef's origin story, Tony is a summer vibes hangout movie. The story take...

2025 Movies Ranked

Another year in the rear view mirror means another ranking of every new release film I caught in the cinema this year. Despite 75 films making the list there are some fairly big omissions so if your favourite isn't on here, just imagine it up near the top. Also, we are talking UK releases. 75. The Stranger Chapter 2 This lame duck franchise props up the rankings for the second year in a row. A little more happens this time round but there is no jeopardy since we know the protagonist needs to make it to part 3. Also undermines its main premise (people might just decide to murder you for no reason) by giving the masked killers backstory. At least a section with a wild boar trying to gut somebody means the audience aren't the only ones nearly bored to death. 74. Hurry Up Tomorrow When a musician decides to write and star in their own movie the results are often pompus nonsense, so the problem with this effort from Abel "The Weeknd" Tesfaye isn't that its ridiculous...

Thunderbolts and Lightning, Mental Health is Frightening*

Thunderbolts* takes a bunch of relatively minor MCU characters and scoops them up into a "Suicide Squad" type adventure where they face off against insurmountable odds. Given most of the characters have appeared in TV shows, there is a distinct whiff of Disney+ about proceedings but it is also one of the most solid films Marvel has put out in years. The execs must have known they had something decent on their hands as they waited until a whole weekend after release to spoil the end twist with marketing, as appose to doing it in the trailers. The titular Thunderbolts are : New Black Widow, Yelena Belova (Florence Pugh), failed Captain America replacement John Walker (Wyatt Russell), former Winter Soldier turned congressman Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), Russian super soldier and Yelena's adoptive father Red Guardian (David Harbour), Ant Man 2 alumni Ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) and maybe mysterious newcomer Bob (Lewis Pullman). If you follow MCU events you will recognise ...

Hell to Pay

They Will Kill You begins with a soaking wet Zazie Beetz waiting to start her maid job at swanky apartment building, The Virgil. Her character Asia is a former convict who has no idea her new employers are devil worshipers who sacrifice their staff to Lucifer. The building residents have no idea that Asia is actually there for reasons other than a steady paycheque and is not about to go gently into that good night. The touch paper is soon lit on a relentless blend of slapstick horror action that leaves little room for you to catch your breath across its ninety minute odd runtime. The most obvious comparison here is to 2019's Ready or Not and its sequel (which coincidentally released one week before this film), where an unsuspecting bride is left fighting for her life when her wealthy in-laws opt to make her a human sacrifice. While They Will Kill You shares that movie's comedic spirit we are much deeper into supernatural territory here. The grand old building and seemingly ...

Eight is the Loneliest Number of Legs

Spider-Man: Brand New Day swings into cinemas to deliver a much needed box office shot in the arm to the once invincible MCU and prove that the wall crawler is Marvel's most enduring hero. It delivers on the Spiderman feeling but loses steam as the 2 hour 20 minute runtime rolls on. Since everyone he cares about is either dead or has forgotten him after the events of No Way Home, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) has been focusing solely on his Spider-Man duties. As a result, he has more or less eradicated organised crime in New York and is idolised by the city populace. On the downside, he is devoid of real human contact apart from phone calls to a detective and a grudging pseudo-friendship with gun toting vigilante Frank Castle (Jon Bernthal), aka The Punisher. He still pines after his lost relationships with MJ (Zendaya) and Ned (Jacob Batalon) and it seems his isolation is beginning to have a physical effect on him. This couldn't come at a worse time, with a new threat that can s...

Logan Hood?

Everybody has their own version of Robin Hood, whether it's Errol Flynn, Kevin Costner or a dashing cartoon fox. There have also been attempts at taking the tale in a more grounded direction, most notably from Ridley Scott and Russel Crowe in 2010, but nobody has shot an arrow through the neck of the legend quite like Michael Sarnoski does with The Death of Robin Hood. The film begins with an ageing Robin (Hugh Jackman) tormented by false stories of his own making and filling up his own personal graveyard with the bodies of would be assassins. When the last surviving member of his outlaw band, Little John (a typically chameleonic Bill Skarsgard) asks for his help in reclaiming a stolen farm, he senses the chance to finally receive his "good" death. Instead, he ends up gravely injured and in the care of Jodie Comer's healing Prioress. Many films have done "realistic" medical violence but the opening act here is on a whole other level. Within minutes of the ...

Dan Says its Alright

Search This Blog