Where is Gerard Butler?

If you've seen the trailer you already know if this film is for you.

Roland Emmerich self financed the movie (raising an impressive $120 mil) so you get him at full force. That means nonsensical science and missused buzzwords, a dumb sidekick who is of course actually a genius, a wrongfully disgraced hero with family issues, cheesy inspirational speeches and glib tone that pays scant regard to hundreds of millions of people losing their lives.

Depending on your point of view all that is exactly the kind of distraction you are looking for or an unwatchable mess but you can't say it doesn't deliver on its promises.

If you are the former though be warned, you will have to put with some 90s calibre CGI in places and patchy performance from the cast.

6 world ending disasters out of 10.

Comments

Uncomfortably (Ve)Numb

Despite his somehow enduring popularity, Venom is a conceptually rubbish character. He is born of a period in comics when publishers wanted to make their child friendly characters edgy and Spiderman media, be it comics, films, games or whatever else, tends to get worse whenever he shows up. "Kind of like the good guy but bad" is one of the most boring villain types to begin with and no writer has ever come up with anything interesting enough to make him deserve his top billing amongst the wall crawlers stacked rogues gallery. The previous two films managed to (somewhat) sidestep the blandness of the IP by hiring a great actor in Tom Hardy and letting him do Jim Carrey style physical comedy mixed with a heart felt love story between a man and his super powered alien parasite. Given it is the last in last in the trilogy, Venom : The Last Dance really wants to have epic stakes and emotional resonance, leaving little room for the things that made the first two movies watchable. ...

The Pope Was Dead to Begin With

Conclave opens with Cardinal-Dean Thomas Lawrence (Ralph Fiennes) arriving at The Vatican following the death of the incumbent Pope. It then falls to him to arrange and administer a papal conclave, summoning the world's cardinals to convene in seclusion and vote on who should become the next Holy Father. The principle runners are Stanley Tucci's Aldo Bellini, who wants to continue the previous Pope's liberal approach to modernising the church, Firebrand traditionalist Goffredo Tedesco (Sergio Castlellitto), conservative contender to be the first African Pope Joshua Adeyemi (Lucian Msamati) and John Lithgow as popular but potentially dodgy Canadian Joseph Tremblay. There is also some intrigue surrounding the arrival of the Archbishop of Kabul, who claims to have been raised to the position in secret by the previous Pope. Shifting alliances and schemes play out as the contenders politic for the top job. Everything on display in Conclave is as tights and pristine as it gets...

Wicked, Wicked..Jungle is Massive

The Wicked musical has grossed a piddly $6 billion since its opening in 2003 so Universal Studios have decided to raise some extra cash with this film adaptation. Well, this and next years next years adaptation since despite no "part 1" in the title we only get half the story here. Duplicitous marketing aside, splitting proceedings in half seems to have been the savvy move. For the uninitiated, Wicked is the story of The Wicked Witch of the West, giving her a backstory and retelling The Wizard of Oz from her point of view. Here, she is called Elphaba and this first film tells the story of her time at Shiz University, her frosty then friendly relationship with future good witch Glinda and encounter with The Wizard that leads to her being branded a villain. Despite only covering half the material this film is longer than the entire musical but it seems like that couldn't be helped. Movie audiences aren't accustomed to songs driving the plot so connective tissue has to ...

Sex, Dancing and Rubles

Anora sees writer/director Sean Baker continue his quest to shine a light on the marginalised and in particular, sex workers. It also might be the biggest triumph of his unique blend of realism, playfulness and insight so far. Mikey Madison plays Anora, or as she prefers to be called Ani, an exotic dancer and escort who is asked to look after 21 year old oligarch's son Ivan (Mark Eydelshteyn) on account of her being able to understand his native Russian. After charming him, she is hired to be his girlfriend for a week which leads to the pair marrying. A win win situation that allows Ivan to obtain a green card, and give the middle finger to his controlling parents, and gives Ani access to a lifestyle she could only have dreamt of weeks before. There is no honeymoon period however, as Ivan's antics make the Russian news and his parents send his godfather and a couple of goons round to "convince" the pair the marriage should be annulled. When a film opens with toples...

Hugh You Gonna Call

Heretic opens with two young Mormon missionaries talking about penises on a park bench. The light hearted opening is in stark contrast to the tension to come and serves as a fun introduction to two endearing characters. Sister Paxton (Chloe East) has been born and raised in the church, eager and enthusiastic she is desperate to land her first conversion. Sophie Thatcher's Sister Barnes is more experienced and more comfortable in the world at large. We spend some time getting to know them as they make their rounds, hearing about their hopes for a handsome husband and sadness at the way they shunned and considered "weird" by their peers. We are thoroughly on board with them by the time they encounter Hugh Grant's seemingly gregarious Mr Reed. He appears interested in their beliefs and impresses the girls with his religious knowledge but the conversation becomes more testy and they realise they can't leave Reed's house without playing his game. To say Hugh Gran...

Dan Says its Alright

Search This Blog