Dan Says its Alright

 A marsh on the edge of swampland may not sound like the ideal place to live but Where the Crawdads Sing certainly makes it look appealing, with pristine waterways, secluded beaches, beautiful flora and friendly fauna making for an idyllic backrop to proceedings. The life of protagonist Kya is less idyllic. Her family leave one by one until she is left to fend for herself as a young child. Apparently shunned by the local townspeople she is abandoned by her first love and accussed of the murder of her second partner, philandering local golden boy Chase. The main problem with Where the Crawdads Sing is that the filmakers seem to have missed the part of storytelling school where you are told to show not tell. We are told by Kya's kindly lawyer that the locals have ostracised her but apart from some mean kids on her one day at school we dont see much evidence. She is constantly refered to as "smart as a whip" but we don't really get to see her show it. We know she is a su...

 As you might expect from an attempt to re run a beloved classic there is a certain air of somewhat cynical box checking about The Railway Children Return but some charm does manage to sneak through. This time round children are sent to the country to escape the blitz rather than just having to slum it with the yokels because daddy has legal problems. This set up allows Jenny Agutter to return as the grown up matriarch of a family taking in the new generation of railway kids. She seems to be enjoying herself but doesn't really have much to do. This is the same for most of the adult characters in the film, thinly drawn but likeable (apart from one insufferable old uncle who turns up purely to spout ra ra nonsense).  This makes sense as it is the railway "children" after all. Some of the child acting is, to be kind, a mixed bag but it never derails proceedings and there is only so much a young actor can do with insightful lines like, "I hate war, I hate it!"  The ...

With 2017 's Ragnarock Taika Waititi took an MCU also ran and made one of the franchises few must see movies. He doesn't quite manage to capture lightning in a bottle twice but he does deliver a perfectly acceptable blockbuster. In many ways Love and Thunder is one of the Marveliest of Marvel movies, something in bad guys past (admittedly something pretty terrible in this case) makes him go all genocidal and to complete his evilness he must find the magic macguffin while the heroes try to stop him via some snappy banter and middling action sequences. The film stands tall in that it has funnier humour than most of its stablemates and a villain that leaves their mark. You'd need to look far and wide to find an actor put in more work with so little time than Christian Bale as god shanker Gorr, elevating a character that could easily have been another Malekith the Accursed into one of the franchises most memorable villains. While Love and Thunder has no problem balancing its ...

 In typical Baz Luhrmann style Elvis starts off  at 100 miles and an hour and pretty much stays there. The twist is that this biopic is told not from the point of view of The King but that of his manager "Colonel" Tom Parker, not that this stops old Tom from coming across like the exploitative conman he was. Spoiler alert, he wasn't actually a colonel. For whatever reason Hanks plays his fellow Tom like a cartoon villain, with ridiculous accent to match and while it takes a while to get used to making the character so over the top means watching him is a little more palatable. While Parker's business nose does help Presley in some ways an ominous early shot of Elvis standing underneath a carnival geek sign makes clear the colenels  intentions for "his boy". Despite the framing this is still very much the story of Elvis Presley and Austin Butler is excellent in the title role, a daunting task given how well the man is known and the calibre of some of the acto...

 Halfway through the year and it's time to have look back and rank the movies of the year so far. To keep the list manageable I'm only including films I've seen in the cinema. If it ain't here I didn't see it on the big screen. 19.  355 Too stupid to be a serious spy thriller, too boring to be a fun romp. Also, for a film that is supposed to be about agents from different countries coming together, an abundance of lazy stereotypes give it a low key racist vibe. If you are looking for a fun female ensemble action movie check out 2019's Charlies Angels reboot instead.  18. The Matrix Reserection Empty follow up starts out like it might have something interesting to say but soon settles into the cynical, corporate mandated sequel it mocks in its first act. You'll be begging for it to end long before the drawn out finale reaches its conclusion.  17. Jurassic World Dominion  A plodding script and phoned in performances from the returning cast make this a limp end...

 Depending on your point of view the marketing for Scott Derrickson's first feature length film since 2016's Doctor Strange is either a masterstroke or has done The Black Phone a disservice. On the one hand it has certainly built anticipation for the movie and Blumhouse look set to do what they do best, turn a tidy profit on a sensibly budgeted project, but there is no denying it has lessened the impact of the finished product. Basically, if you have seen the trailer you've pretty much watched a highlight reel of the whole film and will know more or less everything that is going on. Fortunately the film is well enough made that its still worth a viewing. The mix of dour atmosphere akin to Derrickson's earlier Bloomhouse effort Sinister and some Stranger Things esqe child characters works surprisingly well. It also manages to take its time in the right places and build tension without becoming bloated and dragging on, a rare feat of screenplay economy in the current movi...

 .. Unfortunately there's plenty of way less entertaining stuff as well. Dominion suffers more than most from Hollywood's seeming obsession with making even the most vacuous popcorn flicks as long as possible. The plot meanders along in two parts (one for the Jurrasic Park characters, one for the Jurrasic World ones) so that they can come together for what would be the last act if this film actually had structure. What is the plot that needs so much attention? You guessed it, evil bioengineering company in charge of dinosaurs. Fifth times a charm I guess. Not that the company have learned any lessons themselves, hiring Jeff Goldblums famous genetic sceptic Ian Malcom to talk about how great their genetic program is. Goldblum is the only real bright spot amongst a returning cast that are clearly going through the motions, although newcomer DeWanda Wise adds some spirit to proceedings and really needed more screen time. The franchise has long teased dinosaurs running amuck in the...

 He may have swapped his usual Sci fi trappings for the folklore of rural England but this might be Alex Garlands most Alex Garland film yet. The visual quality you have come to expect after Ex Machina and Annihilation is present, even if the surroundings are very different, as is the melancholy tone. What is less is expected is just how far down the horror well the film goes with some genuinely creepy moments and pretty out there body horror. The film revolves around two excellent performances. Rory Kinnear plays every male character in the village and manages to make every one of them unsettling in a different way but it is Jessie Buckley who holds the movie together. She hits the right balance of anxiety and anger to render main character Harper completely believable, giving the viewer an anchor when the film gets out there. And it gets waaay out there by end. Is it style of substance? Possibly, but when it's this much fun who cares. 7 not all men out of 10.

 Given the mixed, to be generous, results of reviving long dormant movie titles how good could this film really be? Pretty darn good it turns out. Of all the films to bring into the modern era Top Gun is on paper one of the hardest to mesh with current sensibilities. The America is bad ass spirit and corny dialogue that ruled the roost in 1986 just shouldn't work in 2022 but the filmmakers inject just enough 21st century flavour to deliver a blockbuster experience for everyone. The films success is down to two things, the moviestar charisma of Tom Cruise and the practical effects. People flying around in planes shouldn't be so thrilling but after years of someone standing in front of a green screen pretending to blast tennis balls on sticks there is no doubt the air of authenticity takes the action scenes to another level. The main challange the filmmakers face is finding suitable real world bad guys and a modern day mission requiring expert fighter pilots. The movie goes to la...

 Ten minutes into Everything, Everywhere All at Once you already know all you need to about Evelyn Wang and her life. She runs a struggling laundry mart and is in some way estranged from every member of her family. She is a dissapiontment to her visiting father, resents here carefree husband who's cheery outlook on life she sees as weakness and while she worries nothing she has done matters she struggles to connect with her daughter who worries nothing at all matters. Broadly speaking the movies follows Evelyn working through her family issues via Kung Fu, universe hopping and confronting a reality threatening bagel. If that sounds crazy its only scratching the surface, the film packs in a lot. It also a masterpiece. From Uncut Gems style stress to melancholy to exhilaration, the directors make you feel whatever they want on a whim and while Michelle Yeoh is the undoubted star of the show every cast member is outstanding. Really saying anything more (other than everyone should see ...

 When Multiverse of Madness was first announced it was pitched as Marvels take on a family friendly horror film but as the years have gone by expectation shifted towards a cameo heavy alternative reality fest. While there certainly are alternate realities and cameos its very much the original pitch that dominates proceedings and the right call was definitely made. Probably more than any other director so far, Sam Rami is given reign to put his stamp all over the movie and he has no time for deep dive multiverse nonsense. In fact the one big cameo section is treated almost as a bait and switch joke which, while it will undoubtedly annoy some fans, works perfectly for this film. Most of runtime plays out like a Terminator film with our heroes trying to escape an unstoppable foe and there are plenty of Rami tricks (and Evil Dead references) along the way, although it it a little (Dr) strange to see this amount of editing in an MCU film. There are some moments of genuine horror for a f...

 Given he has a reputation for being eccentric but, crucially, in no way problematic, Nicolas Cage is in the fairly unique position of being able to star as himself in a film that both has fun with and pays homage to his unique legend. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is a love letter to a one of a kind career stuffed with references (although not particularly deep cuts) and also an accomplish piece of work in its own right. Cage has a blast playing various incarnations of himself and so does Pedro Pascal as his number one fan, wannabe movie maker and potential cartel boss. Pretty much any time the two of them are on screen together is gold, as is any appearance by Cage as "Nicky", an arrogant younger version of the actor unhappy with his older self's lack of movie star cred. On the downside, not every actor gets so much to work with. Sharon Horgan is very much a standard disapproving estranged wife and given his relationship with his family is such a big part of N...

 Based on the legend of Amleth, The Northman is essentially Robert Eggers take on Hamlet. If that doesn't appeal to you I don't know what to say The story is a simple one, befitting of a thousand years old fable. Things play out slowly and largely as you would expect, you won't find much in the way of twists and surprises here. What you will find is a film dripping in atmosphere and striking, mythological imagery with an outstanding cast all bringing their A-game. Skarsgard is a force of nature as the titular Northman. One moment he is Norse God tearing his foes apart in his quest for violent vengeance, the next he stoops and hobbles, trying to hide his true strength from his enemies or looks lost as he attempts to weigh his bloodthirsty deeds against the perceived honor of his quest. The supporting cast are every bit as good. Like Skaarsgatd, Anya Taylor-Joy looks like she could have been made in a factory to play roles like this and Nicole Kidman steals every scene she is...

 2020's Sonic the Hedgehog was a fun little fish out water, road trip film aimed at kids and their nostalgic parents that ended up connecting with a surprisingly large audience before having its theatrical life cut short by a pandemic. The challange facing the sequel is maintaining the first films charm while serving up a more modern style of film with multiple new characters and potentially tedious, nonsensical lore. Fortunately it speeds past these potential issues, mostly. You get some of the Sonic just hanging out in our world fun of the original before things kick off and when they do the film moves along at a nice pace, although it could probably of stood to have 20 minutes or so shaved off the runtime. Not every joke lands but its refreshing to see laughs aimed squarely at the kids in the audience without obligitary hat tipping to people who confuse being snarky for "grown up" humour. Not that adults are ignored, there are plenty of game references for parents look...

 Morbius shares a lot in commen with its Sony Spiderman(less)verse cousin Venom in that its messy, unfocused and has clearly been hacked to bits in the editing room. What it doesn't have is the charm of Tom Hardy arguing with himself and doing his impression of Jim Carey in The Mask. What you get instead is a passable but drab rendition of a mid nineties comic book movie, think way short of a Blade but better than a Spawn. Frustratingly, there are seeds of a much better movie here had the filmmakers invested the time in developing any of the threads they have going on. There is some actually quite gruesome body horror on show (Matt Smith was made for it) and had they leaned into it a bit more we could have had a genuinely unique superhero flick on our hands. There is also an interesting gothic tragedy buried in there but Morbius and best friend Loxias relationship is left pitifully underdeveloped so their parting of ways means nothing to the viewer. The script really needed to spen...

 Two brothers trapped in an ambulance trying to escape a heist gone wrong seems like a set up for a tight, paired down thriller. As you might expect, Michael Bay disagrees. To him it's (like most things) a recipe for explosions, cheesy dialogue, references to other action films (mainly his own) and a camera that won't stay still. While your ability to suspend disbelief will be stretched to the limit and there are some strange morals on show (they MUST keep the injured cop in the back of the ambulance alive but ramming their persuers off the road is totally fine) the film is mostly a good time. Some of dialogue is actually funny and Jake Gyllenhaal is having a blast as the self righteous, bad influence big brother. It's a shame things end on a downer thanks to the movie overstaying it's welcome. Forty minutes could have easily been shaved off the runtime but instead you'll be begging for the credits to roll long before the overblown finally reaches its conclusion. 6 ...

 One of the characters in X is determined to make a "quality"porn movie, elevating the genre to proper cinema, reflecting Xs main idea of being a cinematic grindhouse flick. This translates to a slowly paced but visceral slasher style film high on nudity and ridiculously arty shots. This approach leads to characters you actually want to route for (one hypocritical douche aside) and a final third that feels even more entertainingly over the top given what's gone before. The cast are all excellent with Mia Goth anchoring the film superbly playing both the key roles. Props also on the casting of Jenna Ortega who's roles as the outsider of the gang is extra traumatising if you are old enough to have kids who watched her in Disney show Stuck in the Middle. X isn't for everyone, the glacial pacing may put off some traditional horror fans it may require too strong a stomach for many but it's a hell of a ride for those that stick with it 8 money out of 10 shots.

 Apart from the titular characters overexposure there were two main concerns heading into The Batman; is it too long? Are we supposed to think darker edgier Batman = even cooler Batman? To the first point, yeh probably but in fairnes nothing stands out as obvious filler to be removed and the fact the final act doesn't drag on means you end the film feeling your time has been respected. As for the second concern the answer is fortunately a resounding no. Nobody understands me Batman doesn't even understand himself and is wracked by doubts about his actions and effectiveness. He is (rightly) called out for having a priveledged person's view of crime and the film acknowledges the fact that someone going around beating up street thugs probably wouldn't help a city very much. Despite spending the vast majority of the film under the mask Pattinson manages to convey enough humanity to get across the idea that Bruce is doing his best and isn't just a violent scumbag and the...

 2017s Murder on the Orient Express was a real treat, beautifully shot and superbly (over)acted by a great cast. Death on the Nile is more of the same but doesn't quite hit the spot like its predecessor. The portion of the film before the murder is too long and feels slightly off. Part of the blame for this can be laid on the casting of Gal Gadot, she has many qualities but her accent work isn't one of them and her showing up as an English heiress gives the films opening an ungenuine quality. Things pick up once Pairot gets to work and director/star Kenneth Branagh cant properly chew some scenery. Even if you aren't familiar with the story the identity of the killer is fairly obvious but it's fun to watch Hercule analyse his fellow passengers, revealing their character as he goes. So while a sweaty boat on a river turns out to be less enjoyable than cold train in the mountains its still worth a watch. I mean it opens with a moustache origin story, what else do you need?...

 Being a game that apes cinema to begin with Uncharted has always been simultaneously one of the most requested and most pointless feeling video game adaptations. Realistically, the best an Uncharted film was ever going to be was pretty good and yeah it is pretty good. This is another step along the way on Tom Hollands journey to being a full on leading action man (he works out topless and everything) but in case he can't carry a movie solo he is teamed with Mark Wahlberg and the pairing works well. They both have an easy charisma that makes them watchable and it wasn't much of a stretch to see them as two side of an older/younger and more/less cynical coin. Everyone else plays there parts well with Tati Gabrielle making a suitably intimidating nemesis. The pacing isn't always spot on and boy did the trailers give a lot of the movie away but it's fun enough, with one action set piece in particular standing out, that the inevitable sequel announcement should draw many gr...

 If you've seen the trailer you already know if this film is for you. Roland Emmerich self financed the movie (raising an impressive $120 mil) so you get him at full force. That means nonsensical science and missused buzzwords, a dumb sidekick who is of course actually a genius, a wrongfully disgraced hero with family issues, cheesy inspirational speeches and glib tone that pays scant regard to hundreds of millions of people losing their lives. Depending on your point of view all that is exactly the kind of distraction you are looking for or an unwatchable mess but you can't say it doesn't deliver on its promises. If you are the former though be warned, you will have to put with some 90s calibre CGI in places and patchy performance from the cast. 6 world ending disasters out of 10. 

 A hard film to talk about given the trailer gives so little away. It's essentially a tale of grifters and how far you can take a con wrapped in Del Toro trappings that make it feel like a horror. The story itself isn't anything particularly new and could be forgetable in lesser hands. Fortunately there is no danger of that happening here, with the talent behind the camera you know its going to look great and the quality and confidence of the script means everything unfolds at just the right pace. When you have actors the calibre of Toni Colette and Willem Defoe filling relatively small roles you know your cast is of the highest calibre. Bradley Cooper is probably too old to play the ambitious young upstart but he's so committed and charismatic that it doesn't matter and Cate Blanchett is perfect as his final accomplice come nemesis, glamorous/alluring and cold/menacing in equal measure. Doesn't reinvent the wheel but when the wheel turns this smoothly why would you...

 Somebody needs to tell film makers that pointing out the flawed nature and cynacism of modern sequels doesn't give you a pass to just go ahead and deliver a by the numbers version of the exact thing you just mocked (looking at you Matrix). That is the problem here, there is nothing wrong with some good old slasher action but the movie invites you to expect more with no intention of delivering. The opening name checks a whats what of modern "elavated" (read actually good) horror films before it goes on to explain how the killer is attempting to make a requal and all the things this will entail. This leaves the viewer waiting for an extra twist or layer on the formula that never comes and a finale that is just a pale rehash of the original. There is fun to be had along the way thanks to a good cast and entertaining beats but it never really satisfies. With references to Rian Johnson and toxic fan culture its possible the writers are just making fun of exactly the kind of p...

 The film opens with a cartel leader explaining that technology is the new drugs. Just as well since his son has written a programme that can do apparently anything via the Internet, although its main function seems to be making planes explode. With such a ridiculous macguffin you would be forgiven for thinking you where in for a fun action romp. You would be wrong. So it's a grounded spy thriller? No, it isn't really anything. Lacking the spectacle or polish you would expect from this sort of international crime caper the strong cast are hung out to dry by a half baked script. Also, for a film about the power of different nationalies working together, outdated characatures like South American cartels and a Chinese character who uses a poison made from forcing venomous animals to fight each other give the movie a low key racist vibe. 4 planes blown up out of 10.

 The most frustrating thing about this unneeded sequel is that it begins with so much promise. A film that doubled down on the early premise of a Neo losing his mind trying to determine if the Matrix was real could have been interesting but once the ridiculously named anomaleum (I guess that's where they keep their Unobtanium) has been mention for the fifth or so time it's clear you aren't going to get any subtle philosophy. From a third of the way through onwards the film is at odds with itself. It pokes fun at pointless, corporate mandated sequels, then precedes to serve up something that feels exactly like a pointless, corporate mandated sequel. It's at great pains to tell the viewer that the events of the earlier films really mattered, but if that's the case why am I watching this? Something about the whole endeavour feels small and low stakes compared to what came before making it hard to feel invested in the dull, drawn out climax and you get the feeling that ...