You Screen, I Scream

The worst thing about Scream 7 isn't actually the film itself. It's the at best cowardly, actions of production company Spyglass Media who fired the star of the previous two films, Melissa Barrera, for daring to have an opinion on genocide. In addition to leaving an icky taste in the mouth, this move cost them fellow star Jenna Ortega and the guy who was supposed to direct the seventh instalment Christopher Landon, resulting in a return to the drawing board to completely rework the film.

The only actually good thing about Scream 7 is also nothing to do with the actual film. Series mainstay Neve Campbell missed the previous instalment after producers lowballed her, but the production chaos of their own making means they've had to go crawling back. So Neve returns with a reported $7 million payday, a producer credit and a story based solely around how legendary her character Sydney is. Go her.

The actual film doesn't warrant much discussion at all, given it does little more than attempt to dine out on nostalgia for the first movie. Sydney has taken up residence in a town the film is at great lengths to tell you is similar to Woodsboro (remember that place from the first film?). She has a daughter who is the same age she was in the first film, called Tatum (remember that name from the first film?). Her daughter wears Sydney's "iconic" leather jacket (remember that from the first film?). Tatum is even introduced in a scene that is almost a complete recreation of Sydney's introduction back in the day.

It's all done with a wink and a nudge, like the film thinks acknowledging it is pure nostalgia bait is a suitable substitute for the now completely absent genre commentary that has previously defined the franchise. The plot involves potential AI and deepfakes so is rife for the sort of meta analysis that the original did so well, but their inclusion ends up being nothing more than a way to force in cameos from characters who died in previous films.

Speaking of dead characters, you are left to wonder if the town has already been cleared out by a masked killer given how empty it feels. Chases take place in lifeless streets and a rehearsal for a school show involves about half a dozen people. It's a far cry from the lived in Woodsboro the film is so desperately trying to evoke and feels like a step down in ambition from the last entry's New York escapades.

With so few characters around, there is a pretty small suspect pool to pull from, leading to a killer reveal so lacklustre it comes across like a parody. With strikes, dropouts and re-tooling constantly disrupting production, it really feels like the script by Gus Busik and Kevin Williamson was scribbled together on the drive to the lot on the first day of filming.

Williamson also directs and, having written three of the first four Scream films, this was heralded as a triumphant return for him. He's certainly no Wes Craven in the director's chair but things do look OK and he ups the ante on the blood and guts, delivering a couple of fairly interesting kills. He also mostly does away with the last movie's annoying trope of people being turned into human pin cushions only to be revealed as still alive ten minutes later. Mostly.

Scream 7 needed much more than baseline competent direction to save the day though. It's a cynical rush job that wants us to recognise how legendary its leading lady is while sticking her in a film that tarnishes her legacy. Devoid of ideas (and morals), this should really be the last slashing for Ghostface, but a sizeable box office return means the franchise is likely to stumble on, producing the kind of films it used to mock.

4 blood soaked beer taps out of 10

Comments

Star Scuffle

Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu is perhaps the purest distillation of a problem the franchise has had ever since the end of the original trilogy. The inability to expand the scope of its story. Commercially, it became a world devouring behemoth, but in terms of narrative it has never moved past (on the big screen anyway) those first films. George Lucas delivered a prequel trilogy that showed us how we got to his 1977 original. Disney's new trio of movies ended up amounting to little more than bringing the gang back and adding some new faces to the hamster wheel. They also gave us a couple of spin-off films dedicated to filling in unimportant details of the classic adventures. Eventually, a sprawling galaxy far, far away starts to look pretty small. Now their return to cinemas after a (much needed) seven year break is a lengthened episode of a TV show that exists because one of the characters in the original films looked pretty cool. With a laboured structure (there are three...

Rooms Got Back

Backrooms was never likely to struggle financially. The last couple of years have taught us that if you can turn Gen Z out, box office success tends to follow. Given the viral subject matter (more on that later) a younger audience were always likely to show up in more than enough numbers to turn a profit on a moderately budgeted horror film. The question facing studio A24 and 20 year old (yes that's right, 20 year old) director Kane Parsons was what to do with the free hit. Do you double down on the premise in order to satiate the TikTok crowd? Or do you layer on the themes and character in order to create an "elevated" horror more in keeping with the A24 brand? It seems they were never quite able to commit to one approach or the other and the final product falls unsatisfyingly in between. For those unaware of the Backrooms phenomenon, it began life as a creepypasta, modern folklore where people share an unsettling picture online and create stories around it. The idea wi...

He-Management

A second Masters of the Universe movie (after the 1987 Dolph Lundgren vehicle) has been on the docket for a long time, with directors from John Woo to Jon M. Chu attached and rights bouncing around various studios. The success of Barbie (another Mattel property) is likely the reason this iteration of the project has finally made it to screens. While a look at what constitutes modern masculinity means it does share a little in common with its pink dappled cousin, it mostly just contents itself with being the most sincerely dumb summer blockbuster you can imagine. Nicholas Galitzine plays Adam, the Prince of Eternia, sent to Earth as a child to escape the skull-faced villain Skeletor (Jared Leto) who has conquered our hero's homeland. Fast forward fifteen years, and Adam is now a friendly Human Resources worker freaking out potential dates by telling them he is the long lost prince to a land of magic and wonder. Finally finding the "Sword of Power" he dropped on hi...

The Bourne IT

The set up for The Amateur is a well worn one, a man loses his wife in a terrorist attack and goes on a mission of revenge. The twist is, that while Rami Malek does play a man with a particular set of skills, they aren't the ones you would expect. Charlie Heller is a socially awkward CIA cryptographer with precisely zero fighting ability and no experience using firearms. He is though, a technological genious who invented half the agencies cyber security and can track and predict patterns like a computer. When his blatantly shady boss, played with smug glee by Holt Mccallany, refuses to act on Charlie's info about the killers he blackmails him for some training and the green light to pursue the perpetrators himself. The two main questions are, can the mild mannered tech guy thrive in the field and is this twist on the formulae enough to carry a fairly by the numbers espionage thriller? The answer to both is, pretty much, yes. Malek is tailor made for roles like this and it'...

I Got Bombs But I'm Not a Bomber

Oppenheimer posed a tricky question for perennial hit maker Christopher Nolan. How do you make a three hour biopic of a scientist compelling enough to bring in big money? Turns out the answer is to not make a biopic at all. While J. Robert Oppenheimer is indeed the focus of the film it eschews any traditional biopic format, instead serving up what is essentially a heist or even sports movie wrapped up in a courtroom drama. This allows the director to indulge his favourite hobby of playing with time, as the story jumps between two different panel hearings while also covering Oppenheimer's early career and of course the work of the Manhattan Project. This approach works incredibly well with the three hour runtime flying by. In fact, if you go to see this in the cinema you might want to skip the large cola as there really isn't any time when little enough is happening to sneak in a toilet brake. Technically the film is outstanding. Cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema, follo...

Thunderbolts and Lightning, Mental Health is Frightening*

Thunderbolts* takes a bunch of relatively minor MCU characters and scoops them up into a "Suicide Squad" type adventure where they face off against insurmountable odds. Given most of the characters have appeared in TV shows, there is a distinct whiff of Disney+ about proceedings but it is also one of the most solid films Marvel has put out in years. The execs must have known they had something decent on their hands as they waited until a whole weekend after release to spoil the end twist with marketing, as appose to doing it in the trailers. The titular Thunderbolts are : New Black Widow, Yelena Belova (Florence Pugh), failed Captain America replacement John Walker (Wyatt Russell), former Winter Soldier turned congressman Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), Russian super soldier and Yelena's adoptive father Red Guardian (David Harbour), Ant Man 2 alumni Ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) and maybe mysterious newcomer Bob (Lewis Pullman). If you follow MCU events you will recognise ...

There Can Only be One

Trailers for Him had Jordan Peele's name slapped all over them, which is understandable from a marketing point of view. In reality it is simply produced by the"Get Out" directors company, Monkeypaw Productions. It is actually directed by Justin Tipping, from a script he co-wrote with Skip Bronkie and Zak Akers. The prevalence of Peele's name in the advertising means the film is bound to draw unflattering comparisons with his own work, which is a shame as the film has its own merits. Cameron "Cam" Cade (Tyriq Withers) grew up idolising Isaiah White (Marlon Wayans), star quarterback of the San Antonio Saviours. When White suffers a grisly injury during the Super Bowl, Cade's father tells the young fan that real men like his idol make sacrifices for greatness. Fast forward about a decade and a half and Cam is about to be drafted to the NFL, where he is tipped as a potential challenger to White's "Greatest Of All Time" status. When a mascot in ...

Listening to the Sounds in Silence

The tagline for breakout indie horror hit Undertone is, "The Scariest Movie You'll Ever Hear". This declaration sets out the film's stall as a uniquely audio based horror, and that is exactly what it delivers. The result is something that will chill some people to the bone and leave others falling asleep in their seats. Originally made for a meagre $500,000, the film takes place entirely in one location (director Ian Tuason's childhood home) and centres on podcaster Ivy, played with impressive range by Nina Kiri. Ivy is caring for her dying mother (the only other person who appears onscreen) so has to wait until the early hours of the morning to record her paranormal podcast with friend Justin (the voice of Adam DiMarco). She plays the role of sceptic to Justin's believer but her rationality is tested when her cohost begins playing some eerie audio files he received from an anonymous listener. Although Undertone isn't a found footage film, it very much t...

Lungbuster

With Iron Lung, YouTuber Markiplier, real name Mark Fischbach, becomes the latest content creator to dip his toe into the world of feature film production. His effort is not as accomplished as the work of the Philippou Brothers (creators of Talk to Me and Bring Her Back) but it's a lot more striking and original than last year's Shelby Oaks (directed by YouTube film critic Chris Stuckmann). The film is based on a relatively niche video game of the same name, which was made by solo developer David Szymanski (who helped with the film's screenplay) and is set inside a submarine exploring an ocean of blood. We follow exactly the same premise here as our protagonist, a convict named Simon, spends the entire runtime welded into a decrepit submersible on a distant moon trying to earn his freedom. What his superiors are specifically looking for is unclear but he is told the blood ocean holds resources vital to the survival of mankind, who has been pushed to the brink of extinctio...

Mess With the Horse, Get the Horn

Death of a Unicorn begins with lawyer Elliot (Paul Rudd) dragging his unimpressed daughter Ridley (Jenna Ortega) along to the country retreat of his bosses, the wealthy Leopolds. His hope is to make a good impression and seal his place on the board of directors at the Leopold's company but things take a decidedly unexpected turn when he hits a unicorn on the drive up the mountain. Despite his attempts to keep the accident a secret, the unicorn, and the fantastic healing properties of its horn are soon uncovered by the hosts, who immediately begin thinking of the best way to monetise their discovery. Turns out the unicorn is only a baby and mummy 'corn eventually arrives with vengeance on her mind. The film aims to use the ridiculously over the top premise of being a killer unicorn move to provide some hilarity and carnage while smuggling in some observation and deeper meaning. Sadly, it fails at more or less everything it is trying to do. It isn't fast paced enough to en...

Dan Says its Alright

Search This Blog