Mess With the Horse, Get the Horn

Death of a Unicorn begins with lawyer Elliot (Paul Rudd) dragging his unimpressed daughter Ridley (Jenna Ortega) along to the country retreat of his bosses, the wealthy Leopolds. His hope is to make a good impression and seal his place on the board of directors at the Leopold's company but things take a decidedly unexpected turn when he hits a unicorn on the drive up the mountain. Despite his attempts to keep the accident a secret, the unicorn, and the fantastic healing properties of its horn are soon uncovered by the hosts, who immediately begin thinking of the best way to monetise their discovery. Turns out the unicorn is only a baby and mummy 'corn eventually arrives with vengeance on her mind.

The film aims to use the ridiculously over the top premise of being a killer unicorn move to provide some hilarity and carnage while smuggling in some observation and deeper meaning. Sadly, it fails at more or less everything it is trying to do. It isn't fast paced enough to entertain those looking for some monster mayhem, (aside from one character) it isn't very funny and any satire it is attempting is shallow and undermined by a flawed central character dynamic.

Richard E Grant and Tea Leona do well as the Leopard power couple, greedy and out of touch, they are all performative philanthropy and manipulation. Will Poulter is the best thing in the movie as their vacuous son who knows nothing except how to feign usefulness and talk entrepreneurial gobbledygook. Enjoyably slimy as they all are though, none of them are as loathsome as Elliot himself. Desperate to ingratiate himself to his overlords he continually undermines, belittles and upsets his own daughter to gain their approval. Time after time he goes against her wishes with the pathetic refrain that it will all be OK once he gets his slice of the pie from his superiors, even as it becomes more and more clear he is nothing to them other than a patsy. This kind of film has plenty of room for unlikable characters but him being so hateable is a real problem because, while this is a part slasher/monster movie, part societal commentary, the glue that (theoretically) holds it together is the relationship between a father and daughter mourning the loss of a wife and mother. Once her father has deprioritised her for about the fifth time you get the feeling Ridley would be better off of the unicorn just hurried up and spilled his guts. The obligatory last minute realisation that he has been wrong is far too little too late to redeem this weasel. It seams the film is relying on Paul Rudd's laid back charm to make the character likeable enough but his chill, awkwardly cool dad routine just makes him more annoying in this context. Ortega herself is good but really just a diluted version of a modern teen girl archetype she has played more fully in other projects.

On the killer unicorn front, there are some entertaining kills but there aren't enough of them to combat the slow pace and the final act both takes too long to arrive and drags on when it does. There isn't any tension as the human characters are the villains and we are actively waiting for them to die and by the time the finale arrives, the horned horsies may be as well be any random monster, as they stomp around the mansion with their generic roar.

Writer/director Alex Scharfman has been producing for over a decade but this is his first feature as the creator and it's possible he has been overambitious. Death of a Unicorn may have been more successful if it had focused on either simply leaning into its B-movie set-up or sharpening up its insights, rather than leaving everything underbaked as it over extends itself. As it is, there are entertaining moments but overall it feels like a bit of a chore to sit through.

5 girth-some horns out of 10.

Comments

Predator Chadlands

After revitalising the Predator franchise with 2022's Prey, director Dan Trachtenberg brings us a very different take on the extraterrestrial big game hunter. In Predator: Badlands , the titular monster is the main character. Considering how terrible that premise could have been, we actually end up with a decent action adventure movie. Our protagonist is Dek, a Yautja (the species name of the Predators) who is considered something of a runt. Such a runt in fact, that his dad wants to kill him for being a pitiful disgrace to the clan. After his brother saves him, he makes his way to "the Death Planet" Genna to hunt a supposedly unkillable monster in order to show his father who is boss and force the rest of the clan to put some respect on his name. When he gets there he discovers that, not only is all the wildlife deadly, but Weyland-Yutani ( yes, the evil corporation from Alien) have sent a bunch of synths there to collect and weaponise his prospective trophy. He forms an...

Guns and Cardio

The Running Man is a remake of the 1987's Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle. Except it isn't really. It's actually a different, far more faithful, interpretation of the Stephen King story. That said, it's exactly what you would expect from a modern adaptation of an '80s cult classic; slicker, with more emphasis on the message, but much less personality and therefore destined to be forgotten far quicker. Written under the pseudonym Richard Bachman, King's 1982 novel is set in a dystopian 2025 where "The Network" is not just in charge of TV, but essentially run the United States and have turned the country into an authoritarian surveillance state where a small percentage of people are uber-wealthy, and everyone else struggles to afford even basic medicine. The film does away with the year, since the idea of people living like that in 2025 is so ridiculous. Enter Glenn Powell as family man Ben Richards. He may live in a hellscape but old Ben doesn't do ...

Raising the Roof?

Roofman is the media given name of real-life army veteran and serial McDonald's robber, Jeffrey Manchester, played here by Channing Tatum. Using his special talent for noticing patterns and routine, he burgled over 40 of the fast food chain's restaurants while gaining a reputation for being a polite thief. In an early scene we see him give a store manager his coat as he apologetically forces the staff into a freezer. Gentleman criminal or not, he stole a lot of corporate money, so when the police finally finger him for a single job he is sent down for forty-five years on trumped up kidnapping charges. In prison, his skills kick into gear again and he escapes on a delivery truck. Needing to lie low until his buddy can sort him out with a fake passport, he takes up residence in a Toys "R" Us for six months. Despite warnings he can't help but get involved in the lives of the people he watches on CCTV, particularly good-hearted single mum Leigh (Kirsten Dunst). To be...

The Truth is Down There

Bugonia is the fourth (fifth if you count 2022 short film Bleat) collaboration between director Yorgos Lanthimos and star Emma Stone. It's unlikely to trouble the Oscars in the way The Favourite or Poor Things did, but we still have an entertainingly unhinged fable on our hands. Stone plays Michelle Fuller, CEO of pharmaceutical company Auxolith. Shortly after the title card, we see her continually fluff a video she is recording on corporate inclusivity, bristling at the continued use of the word "diversity". She then instructs her assistant to draft an e-mail telling employees they are no longer required to remain in the office beyond 5.30. Unless they have work to do. Unbelievably, this pesticide-spreading, corporate lip-service-paying, business shark will soon cut a sympathetic figure. That's because she is about to be abducted and held captive by conspiracy nut Teddy Katz (Jessie Plemons) and his intellectually disabled cousin Don (Aidan Delbis). We have alread...

I Hate You So Much Right Now

Die My Love opens with a fixed camera observing a couple exploring their new house. This voyeuristic introduction sets up the isolated home as a character in its own right and gives the impression you are about to watch a horror film. In a way, you are. The couple are new mum Grace, played by Jennifer Lawrence, and her partner Jackson (Robert Pattinson), who inherited the house from his late uncle. Although they are playful with each other while checking out their new home, once they move in it becomes clear they have some major problems. Grace stalks through the grass on all fours, hiding from Jackson and a star gazing session foreshadows a fundamental difference in the way they feel about life and their situation. The cosmos makes her feel insignificant while he is thrilled at the thought of being part of something larger. As time goes on, Grace feels more and more isolated, while Jackson is either physically or emotionally absent, and her behaviour becomes increasingly erratic...

From Little Acorns

Shelby Oaks is the result of the most successful ever horror movie Kickstarter campaign. Helmed by popular YouTube critic Chris Stuckmann, it is positioned as a fright flick "for fans, by fans". While it isn't the obnoxious disaster such a mission statement could have led to, and actually shows a fair amount of promise, it does end up feeling like an homage to better films. The film opens as a mockumentary detailing the disappearance of a group of ghost hunting YouTubers called the Paranormal Paranoids. It then appears we are dealing with a found footage movie when, twelve years on from the disappearance, Mia (Camille Sullivan) watches creepy footage of her sister Riley (Sarah Durn) who was the Paranoids' on camera psychic. Turns out the film is neither of these things but more of an occult mystery as Mia follows the clues to find her missing sister whom she is sure is still alive. As you can imagine, a film that begins with two fake out beginnings is a little mudd...

I Dunno Boss

Despite his enduring fame, Bruce Springsteen is not an obvious choice for a biopic subject. A lack of any outward demons means the usual life story treatment might have been a bit of Sunday morning stroll. The solution Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere comes up with is to focus in a particular point in his life in 1981, when, on the verge of mega stardom, he has to reckon with creative and mental health struggles. It's fitting that we focus on a point in his life when Bruce is trying to find who he wants to be, as the film itself is pretty indecisive. Coming off a successful tour, Bruce (Jeremy Allen White) struggles to adjust to the downtime. When neither a return to his humble hometown nor the purchase of a fancy new car making him feel any better, he gets back to making music, using a four-track recorder to turn his bedroom into a makeshift studio. The music he makes eventually becomes the album "Nebraska", a tonal shift he is determined to pursue, even as his man...

Econ Air

Single location thriller Flight Risk is the latest film to suffer from an "over eager" trailer. That is to say, the trailer covers pretty much everything that happens in the movie, more or less in the exact order it occurs. On the plus side, it isn't a film that was ever going to keep any secrets so it doesn't suffer as much as some others have. FBI agent Madelyn Harris (Michelle Dockery) takes a flight with informant Winston (Topher Grace) but a short way into their journey they discover the pilot, played by Mark Wahlberg, is actually a mob hitman there to end them both before Winston can squeal. There is a brief opening at an Alaskan cabin and the finale is on a runway, but for the most part it's just the three of them in the cabin of a small plain. Events unfold almost like a theatrical play as the three talk and argue with intermittent attempts at murder. The main thing to know about Flight Risk is that it is ridiculous. The decisions the characters make a...

There Can Only be One

Trailers for Him had Jordan Peele's name slapped all over them, which is understandable from a marketing point of view. In reality it is simply produced by the"Get Out" directors company, Monkeypaw Productions. It is actually directed by Justin Tipping, from a script he co-wrote with Skip Bronkie and Zak Akers. The prevalence of Peele's name in the advertising means the film is bound to draw unflattering comparisons with his own work, which is a shame as the film has its own merits. Cameron "Cam" Cade (Tyriq Withers) grew up idolising Isaiah White (Marlon Wayans), star quarterback of the San Antonio Saviours. When White suffers a grisly injury during the Super Bowl, Cade's father tells the young fan that real men like his idol make sacrifices for greatness. Fast forward about a decade and a half and Cam is about to be drafted to the NFL, where he is tipped as a potential challenger to White's "Greatest Of All Time" status. When a mascot in ...

It Sure Does

Love Hurts is Ke Huy Quan's first ever lead role. After decades out the game and struggling to keep his insurance prior to his Oscar winning turn in "Everything Everywhere, All At Once", you can hardly blame him for taking the chance to front a movie. Unfortunately, in Jonathan Eusabio's directorial debut, he has landed in a misfire. Quan plays Marvin Gable, a cheery real estate agent living his best life as he crushes the sales game and keeps everyone in the office (except for his depressed assistant) happy with his home baking. Unbeknownst to his colleagues he used to be a gangland hitman for his mob boss brother "Knuckles" and when the mysterious Rose, who Marvin was supposed to have killed, remerges, big brother dispatches the goons to get some answers from him. Cue high jinks as Marvin battles henchmen kung fu style while trying to keep his current and past lives from colliding. It's a fun idea but nothing quite comes together in the execution. Th...

Dan Says its Alright

Search This Blog