Dan Says its Alright

Like its shape shifting titular character, Clayface attempts to be many things. Billed as DC's first horror movie, it is also a supervillain origin story, a modern-gothic romance, a tragedy and a crime drama. With all this in the pot, what it actually ends up feeling like is a throwback to the '90s/early 2000s era of comic book adaptations. A time of modest budgets for the genre, when studios cared less about shared world continuity and were prepared to let filmmakers have some fun with weird characters.  Tom Rhys Harris stars as Matt Hagen, an actor who got out of the Gotham City slums and is now Academy Award nominated. His high flying life comes crashing down when he has a one night stand with the girlfriend of a prominent Gotham mobster and is left hideously scarred by the scorned gangster's vengeance. With his career in ruins, he finds showbiz loyalty in short supply as his manager, lawyer and possibly even his best friend quickly abandon him. Scientist Dr. Caitlyn Co...

Heart of the Beast is a man and his dog against nature film. As such, it requires a lead who can be tough but also vulnerable and has the screen presence to draw the audience in without dialogue. This film has such a lead. It also has Brad Pitt. See, the star of the show really is ex-army dog Odin (played by a German Shepherd named Uber, with three of his sons helping out). Odin has metal teeth, an artificial leg and suffers from PTSD but soldiers on with the joyous spirit only a dog can muster. It's just as well, since he is the only thing holding his human, retired Special Forces Command Sergeant Major James Belmont (Pitt) together. Belmont is himself haunted by nightmares of the mission that left him and Odin as sole survivors and it's safe to say he isn't a people person. The pair are exploring the Alaskan wilderness when a potential heart attack leads to Belmont crashing his little plane and leaving them with an arduous and dangerous trek back to civilisation. That thi...

 Bad Apples opens with a colourful procession of apples making their way through a processing facility. There is a problem, though: stowing away is a solitary child's trainer, hidden amongst the apples and about to jam up the machine and bring the whole enterprise to a halt. Turns out a bad kid can do the same to a classroom, as poor Miss Maria Spencer (Saoirse Ronan) knows only too well. This darkly comic satire doesn't go much deeper than the above metaphor but it entertains and is propelled by a trio of strong performances. The offending trainer belongs to Danny (Eddie Waller),  a disruptive pupil whose out of control behaviour has the timid Maria on the verge of losing her job. When Danny seriously injures another pupil and gets suspended, Maria goes to see his dad but ends up in a scuffle with the troublemaking youngster that leads to her imprisoning him in her basement. With the rascal out of the picture and nobody missing him much, things start to look pretty rosy for t...

  Despite its singular name, Resident Evil is actually the eighth film to be based on the long running video game franchise. Unlike Paul W.S. Anderson's decade plus running series and 2021's failed reboot, Welcome to Raccoon City, this new effort from Weapons helmer Zach Cregger uses none of the game's characters or plot lines. Ironically, ditching the baggage has allowed Cregger to craft something that comes much closer to matching the camp terror of its source material and is easily the best film to wear the Resident Evil name. The entire film follows medical courier Bryan (Austin Abrams) on the delivery from hell. Despite being in the middle of a phone argument with his pregnant girlfriend, Brian accepts one last job for the day; a drop-off in remote Raccoon City. The icy roads he is ill prepared for turn out to be the least of his worries as something has gone very wrong in the mountain city. After running a woman over in the town outskirts, things quickly escalated and...

  Insidious has always been a fairly low tier horror franchise. The Conjuring's budget cousin, if you will. If you look at it that way then Insidious: Out of the Further is actually fairly good. It's certainly the most entertaining the series has been since the first instalment. Like that first breakout hit from back in 2010, Out of the Further has a much stronger first half than it does second. We start with a fairly harrowing scene of a young girl named Gemma witnessing the grisly death of her erratically behaving mother. We then fast forward a couple of decades to find the adult Gemma working as a dentist while raising a young girl of her own, yet still living in her childhood home. Spooky things begin to happen as some unfriendly OAPs start stalking the neighbourhood and Gemma tries to keep her daughter safe while worrying she is becoming like her mother. In typical Insidious fashion, things become more silly than scary as the plot is revealed and we build towards a ludicr...

Everybody has their own version of Robin Hood, whether it's Errol Flynn, Kevin Costner or a dashing cartoon fox. There have also been attempts at taking the tale in a more grounded direction, most notably from Ridley Scott and Russel Crowe in 2010, but nobody has shot an arrow through the neck of the legend quite like Michael Sarnoski does with The Death of Robin Hood.  The film begins with an ageing Robin (Hugh Jackman) tormented by false stories of his own making and filling up his own personal graveyard with the bodies of would be assassins. When the last surviving member of his outlaw band, Little John (a typically chameleonic Bill Skarsgard) asks for his help in reclaiming a stolen farm, he senses the chance to finally receive his "good" death. Instead, he ends up gravely injured and in the care of Jodie Comer's healing Prioress.  Many films have done "realistic" medical violence but the opening act here is on a whole other level. Within minutes of the ...

Coyote vs. Acme was originally scheduled for release way back in 2023 (in the theatrical slot that eventually went to Barbie, no less) but a change of leadership at Warner Bros led to them deciding to scrap the film, figuring a tax break was preferable to releasing a complete movie that hundreds of people had worked on. A combination of public outcry and tenacity from independent distributor Ketchup Entertainment has led to the film finally getting its day in cinemas. Congratulations are in order as the live-action/animated combination comedy is one of the most entertaining family movies of the year. After faulty ACME products foil yet another of his attempts to capture Roadrunner, Wile E. Coyote sees an advert on TV by Will Forte's lazy lawyer Kevin in which he promises a payout for faulty ACME goods. In reality Kevin is a bottom feeder who has made a career out of settling lawsuits against the corporate giants for peanuts, but Wile E. forces him to engage in the trial of the cen...

The plot of The End of Oak Street sees an early 80s suburban family, and their entire neighbourhood suddenly transported back to prehistoric times. There's some talk of solar flares and time bubbles by way of an explanation but it's all nonsense in service of one central idea: dinosaurs in suburbia. Turns out this idea is so good it not only sustains the film but leaves you wondering why nobody has done it before. The central family consists of Anne Hathaway's frustrated novelist Denise Platt and her pizza delivering husband Greg (Ewan McGregor), along with their children Audrey (Daisy Stella) and Brian (Christian Convery). While Dad and the kids are exactly the type of characters you would have expected to see in an 80s family adventure but Denise is a more modern female lead. She wants to achieve more than simply being a mother and is unhappy with her simple suburban life. Add in the fact she plays the realist when things kick off and her constant negative vibe can mean ...

Tony opens with a quote from the late chef, and subject of this semi-biopic, Anthony Bourdain's memoir. It goes: "I was — to be frank — a spoiled, miserable, narcissistic, self-destructive and thoughtless young lout, and badly in need of a good ass-kicking." He's not wrong. The Tony (he's much too cool to let people call him Anthony) we meet at the beginning of the film is an insufferable blowhard. He tells anyone who'll listen about his great future as a writer, despite seemingly having an aversion to doing any actual writing. He assumes the panel awarding a prestigious scholarship is too stupid to see his pitch is nonsense bravado. He condescendingly explains the meaning of what he thinks are obscure words, despite not always knowing himself. While he does change over the course of the film, it's hard to map an actual character journey. That's because more than a biopic or chef's origin story, Tony is a summer vibes hangout movie. The story take...

Note before the review: It has emerged that generative AI featured in the making of Ice Cream Man and the filmmakers appear to have been less than 100% honest with how much it was used. I have reviewed the film as I saw it and have not taken the way it was made into account. If you (understandably) want nothing to do with a movie that used generative AI then give this one a miss. "The kids have gone fucking insane" screams a father just before his son and daughter, having already mangled his hand in the garbage disposal, set fire to him. How you feel about the idea of that scene pretty much tells you what you will think about the whole of Ice Cream Man, the latest bloodstained offering from gore hound Eli Roth. The premise is a basic one: a quite overtly sinister ice cream man comes to town and, the day after he hands out his freezer based treats, any child who consumed them turns into little murder bots and begin dismembering the local adults. A couple of kids who didn...

Spider-Man: Brand New Day swings into cinemas to deliver a much needed box office shot in the arm to the once invincible MCU and prove that the wall crawler is Marvel's most enduring hero. It delivers on the Spiderman feeling but loses steam as the 2 hour 20 minute runtime rolls on.  Since everyone he cares about is either dead or has forgotten him after the events of No Way Home, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) has been focusing solely on his Spider-Man duties. As a result, he has more or less eradicated organised crime in New York and is idolised by the city populace. On the downside, he is devoid of real human contact apart from phone calls to a detective and a grudging pseudo-friendship with gun toting vigilante Frank Castle (Jon Bernthal), aka The Punisher. He still pines after his lost relationships with MJ (Zendaya) and Ned (Jacob Batalon) and it seems his isolation is beginning to have a physical effect on him. This couldn't come at a worse time, with a new threat that can s...

 The Odyssey represents something of an epic journey for director Christopher Nolan himself. Back in 2004 he came close to directing sword and sandals epic Troy before eventually being passed over in favour of the then far more renowned Wolfgang Petersen. Now, an entire Odysseus away from Ithaca length of time later, he brings us his uniquely Nolan take on the next part of Homer's epic works. It's worth the wait as he crams everything he has learned and refined over the last twenty-odd years into his most ambitious project yet.  Spoiler for a 3,000 year old poem but the combined Greek army win the Trojan war after a decade long siege thanks to Odysseus (Matt Damon) tricking the Trojans with the famous wooden horse. A series of catastrophes befall him and his crew on the way back to his kingdom of Ithaca, meaning the journey takes him another ten years. Meanwhile his queen, Penelope (Anne Hathaway) and son Thelemachus (Tom Holland) have to deal with an army of suitors, led by ...

The Evil Dead is horror's most consistent brand, with six films spanning over forty years and not a dud in sight. With Evil Dead Burn, French director Sébastien Vanicek keeps the streak alive, even if he doesn't quite manage to nail the unique feel of earlier entries. Souheila Yacoub plays Alice, whose husband dies in a Deadite (person possessed by a demon) induced car crash. A very tense post funeral get together with her in-laws goes from grim to apocalyptic when the dead arrive looking for a dagger that is capable of sending them back to hell. This is a slight change-up to the usual Evil Dead formula. Normally some fool reads from the Book of the Dead and the Deadites show up to torment and kill people with gleeful abandon. What distinguishes the undead nasties from those in other films is the fun they take in the mayhem. They are neither mindless monsters nor serious soldiers of Satan. They are just here for the love of the game. This somewhat softens the gore and allows ...

Supergirl is the second film in Warner Bros' relaunched DCU. After the previous iteration fizzled out like a damp firework James Gunn was brought in to oversee a new dawn that promised to focus on quality over quantity and compelling scripts over corporate deadlines. Unfortunately, two films and less than a year in and we already have a movie that has clearly been made to fit a schedule rather than because anyone had a great idea for the character.  Milly Alcock plays the titular Kryptonian, or Kara to her friends (not that she has any). Still mourning the loss of her home and family, and disillusioned with life on Earth, she is celebrating her birthday alone on a planet with a red sun. The lack of yellow sunlight hampers her superpowers meaning she can get drunk, but it also means she unable to stop her beloved dog Krypto from being poisoned when bad guy Krem (Matthias Schoenaerts) turns up to steal her ship. With three days to get the antidote she embarks on a mission to hunt do...

Early on in Disclosure Day a character is told not to, under any circumstances, release the world changing information he has on the internet. For the masses to accept the truth, the reveal must be a carefully orchestrated, communal event. That's because this alien conspiracy thriller is a film about how important it is to tell a story the right way. There aren't many people more qualified to  make such a statement than Steven Spielberg.  Josh O'Connor plays Daniel Kellner, a cybersecurity expert who has stolen evidence of alien visitation from his employers and is trying to get it into the hands of his colleague, Coleman Domingo's Hugo so they can blow the doors off years of cover ups. Meanwhile, TV meteorologist Margaret Fairchild (Emily Blunt) is finding she can speak multiple languages, including one that seems to be non-human, and finds herself compelled to find Daniel. Chasing after them is shady suit Noah Scanion (Colin Firth) and his security team. These event...

A  second  Masters of the Universe  movie (after the 1987 Dolph Lundgren vehicle) has been on the docket for a long time, with directors from John Woo to Jon M. Chu attached and rights bouncing around various studios. The success of Barbie (another Mattel property) is likely the reason this iteration of the project has finally made it to screens. While a look at what constitutes modern masculinity means it does share a little in common with its pink dappled cousin, it mostly just contents itself with being the most sincerely dumb summer blockbuster you can imagine.  Nicholas Galitzine plays Adam, the Prince of Eternia, sent to Earth as a child to escape the skull-faced villain Skeletor (Jared Leto) who has conquered our hero's homeland. Fast forward fifteen years, and Adam is now a friendly Human Resources worker freaking out potential dates by telling them he is the long lost prince to a land of magic and wonder. Finally finding the "Sword of Power" he dropped on hi...

Backrooms was never likely to struggle financially. The last couple of years have taught us that if you can turn Gen Z out, box office success tends to follow. Given the viral subject matter (more on that later) a younger audience were always likely to show up in more than enough numbers to turn a profit on a moderately budgeted horror film. The question facing studio A24 and 20 year old (yes that's right, 20 year old) director Kane Parsons was what to do with the free hit. Do you double down on the premise in order to satiate the TikTok crowd? Or do you layer on the themes and character in order to create an "elevated" horror more in keeping with the A24 brand? It seems they were never quite able to commit to one approach or the other and the final product falls unsatisfyingly in between. For those unaware of the Backrooms phenomenon, it began life as a creepypasta, modern folklore where people share an unsettling picture online and create stories around it. The idea wi...

Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu is perhaps the purest distillation of a problem the franchise has had ever since the end of the original trilogy. The inability to expand the scope of its story. Commercially, it became a world devouring behemoth, but in terms of narrative it has never moved past (on the big screen anyway) those first films. George Lucas delivered a prequel trilogy that showed us how we got to his 1977 original. Disney's new trio of movies ended up amounting to little more than bringing the gang back and adding some new faces to the hamster wheel. They also gave us a couple of spin-off films dedicated to filling in unimportant details of the classic adventures. Eventually, a sprawling galaxy far, far away starts to look pretty small. Now their return to cinemas after a (much needed) seven year break is a lengthened episode of a TV show that exists because one of the characters in the original films looked pretty cool.  With a laboured structure (there are three...

Passenger  director Andrè Øverdal has some impressive credits under his belt, including his Norwegian language breakout hit Trollhunter and chilling haunted corpse movie The Autopsy of Jane Doe. That explains why this mediocre horror has a couple of well crafted set-piece scares, but he is saddled with a bland script that is content to tick familiar genre boxes. Things start promisingly with the titular "Passenger" (a highway stalking demonic entity) dispatching a pair of nighttime travellers. We are then introduced to young couple Maddie (Lou Llobell) and Tyler (Jacob Scipio) who are about to abandon the city for a life on the road in their swanky van. Tyler is all in (to an obnoxious degree) but Maddie is hiding some reservations and things get spooky when they are marked by the walking metaphor for the dangers of travel. The first issue the movie runs into is the confusing nature of the entity itself. Why does it mess around with our leads for days when it kills everyone ...